Why is my cat so mean and unfriendly? Is there any hope for him to change?

Have your guests give treats to him.

I forgot to add: my friend recently got a kitten who is super calm and relaxed. She’s about 6 months. Should we introduce the two? Do you think getting a second cat would help at all??

@marinelife Do you really think it could be that easy?

Nature vs. nurture, as always. Animals suffer emotional traumas just like people, and just like people, some are more resilient and have less long term effects that others.

Barry has had a lot of changes in his little kitty life and if he is of a rather fragile emotional makeup he might be more effected than another cat. As far as his teeth go, you can’t really make the assumption he was neglected in some way. Again, gentetics, just like some people, I had a Siamese cat that was losing his teeth around the age of 9–10, and it had nothing to do with poor diet or neglect, just his own physicality.

People have to give up pets for a lot of reasons and you don;t have enough facts to demonize his previous owners.

I’d would honor your cats feelings and not force him to socialize with anyone he is not showing a natural inclination towards. He is who he is, just love him for himself and make his senior years and his last home as happy and secure for him as you can.

I have had my new cat for 18 months and she is still changing and blossoming in new ways. She has gone from silent to, all of a sudden, very talkative the last few months. She is initiating more affection towards me all on her own and is evolving into a really sweet, amusing and great little companion.

Cats hate change, and it can take a long adjustment period for many of them.

That’s probably just the way he’s always going to be. At his age, I think you’re expecting too much to ask him to change. Just put him in another part of the house when you have company, or warn your friends not to attempt contact.

His dental history may have a perfectly innocent explanation; there’s a feline dental disease called stomatitis (lymphocytic-plasmacytic gingivitis-stomatitis-pharyngitis) that results in horribly painful ulcers of the mouth, a successful treatment for which is the extraction of the teeth.

When he stayed with your friends, he probably moderated his behavior because he was in unfamiliar territory. Some animals react to the stress of new environments with aggression, some become more passive.

There’s no way to know how he’d react to a kitten. He may adjust, or he may not.

All cats can change. He might never be a calm, outgoing cat, but you can definitely ease his stress around unknown people. It takes work though. You’ll probably just want to leave him as he is and warn others.

I have successfully changed many unwanted behaviors with time, patience and help from the book I linked.

My cat I had growing up was not incredibly friendly for the first half of her life. We got a second pet cat when I was in high school, for only a year or so. But Yoshi, the first cat, had to compete for affection now… and she became much nicer.

He probably has been abused and then there’s the shuffling of homes he’s had. Maybe all he can comfortably focus on enough to relax is his immediate owners and associates new people and visitors with bad changes. I like the idea of visitors giving him treats and then leaving him alone so he comes to associate them with, meh, goodies, nothing expected of me, no threat to me, maybe one day I’ll sniff around and purr instead of hiss.

Does Barry have a quiet place he can go when guests arrive? Maybe he needs his own space he can retreat to that’s all his. Something like this maybe?

I also like the idea of having guests offer your cat a special treat or toy. What is his favorite thing? Reserve it for guests to provide only and see if that helps him come around.

@MissAusten He’s never been interested in things like those. When guests are over, our bedroom is usually empty, so he hangs out there about half the time I’d say. The other half though, he likes to sit on the top of the couch and look out the window, so thats when most of the interactions happen since it’s in the living room, where the people are. It’s kind of like he’s saying “I’m gonna sit here, because this is my house, no I don’t like you, but no I’m not going to move either.” Ya know? So it just cycles lol.

@Coloma I’m not saying 100% he was poorly treated, I just can’t imagine the owners were all that great since they let their cats teeth rot, did nothing about it, then abandoned him. But maybe they were awesome.

@deni

But you don’t know that they “let” his teeth rot. Maybe they were just rotting, and, it is not a crime in this economy if someone cannot spend $100’s on a pet. I’m not giving you a hard time, just saying that we can never make assumptions.

I’m a great pet owner, but, I have had hard times where the cash simply wasn’t there.
Luckily I had no issues with my pets during those times, but others are not so lucky.

Also, a lot of people are not aware when a pets teeth have gone bad unless there is an infection that shows up as an obvious drop in their health, loss of appetite, lethargy etc.

My point is that it just is a waste of emotional energy to feel upset over something you will never know.

@Coloma Oh I’m not at all upset about it. I’m just upset about the present situation. He’s so cute, and friends that come over naturally want to pet him, and no one expects an immediate hiss and swipe from such a fat cuddly furball. It’s just unfortunate I suppose. I want him to have friends lol.

@deni My best guess from everything you said above about Barry is that he’s being completely normal for a 9yr old male cat with no tetth.

First of all, not all cats want more than one or two human friends/companions…So you’re pressing the limit there.

Second, he lost a defense when he lost his teeth. Hissing and swiping is probably used more often so that people back off quicker. That way he never has to reveal that he has no bite.

Third, you’ve only had him a short-period of time. Heck, I’ve had cats that took years getting adjusted to a move. Maybe he’s still transitioning into your lifestyle. Since you don’t know who owned him first, I’d assume he was with a quiet little old lady that only played her TV loud and rarely had guests…that would explain his reactions.

Our eldest cat wants nothing to do with any humans. She accepts food, treats and occassional pets…but she will not tolerate anyone sitting near her. She hisses and swipes for all new people and sometimes for those of us in the home. She’s the type of girl that prefers a one-sided relationship. She will come to you when she needs a cuddle or a love. If you go to her, she usually has something to say about it.

She was also adopted (privately). She was well socialized when we got her at 1.5yrs old. The couple that had her were nothing but sweet to her. We’ve been nothing but sweet to her. She is shy, reserved and prefers no one enters her territory without an invite. That’s just who she is.

Maybe you are looking for Barry to have a personality that resembles yours? It sounds like he’s an opposite. Loner, home-body, quiet, recluse

Hmmmm…is there another window where you could put one of those special ledges for cats for he has another option besides the sofa? Or, would it be too difficult/impractical to rearrange the furniture?

We had a cat that was very grumpy when I was a kid. My parents got her as a kitten, and we knew she’d never been mistreated. She just didn’t like to be petted or cuddled. She’d scratch if you tried to pet her, and my mom said she even caught the cat taking swats at us kids while we were napping! There was no reason for her to be unfriendly; it just seemed to be her personality. One night she went out and didn’t come back for a couple of days. When she finally did return, she had no tail and was nearly dead. My parents rushed her to the emergency vet who said her tail had literally been pulled right off her spinal column. She recovered and somehow decided maybe we weren’t so bad after all. She was still rather grumpy, but would consent to being petted for short amounts of time and would even curl up on a lap as long as you didn’t have the nerve to touch her. I don’t suggest you rip off your cat’s tail (we found out years later she’d gotten inside a car’s hood and when the owner started it, her tail got caught in the fan belt), but that traumatic event did change her for the better. A bit. She was a stinker until she died at the ripe old age of 21.

He sounds anxious to me and given his history, this doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. I doubt he will change. I would put him in a room on his own when people come around. That way he isn’t stressed, you aren’t stressed and neither are your guests.

My female dog is very similar. She hates our visitors. We have tried dog psychologists and all sorts of things but she is just terribly timid and she shows this by barking at people and carrying on. It is timidity rather than her being nasty. One of the animal psychologists we worked with to try to get her passed this gave her drugs for a while, but that’s not a long term solution. He explained she just gets so anxious, she can’t modify her behaviour because she is so fearful. A bit like a child having a tantrum and they just get beyond the point of being able to calm down. Like Barry (he would be called Bazza in Australia), we didn’t socialise her enough as a puppy and I take the blame for her fear of strangers.

Interestingly, when we went away and put her in kennels (we were so, so worried about doing this), after being given a bath by the people there she was best friends with them! I think that probably relates to that place being their territory whereas our visitors are entering her territory.

So, put Bazza in a safe place when you have visitors and love his beautiful personality when you are on your own. Less stress all around.