Do you loathe the idea of hiring help?

Yes. I have tried a cleaning person (PC okay?) once or twice a week – ended up cleaning the house before she came – then working with her all morning.

Not a good idea.

Yard work and stuff is shared in my community.

Nota bene: I am the one who cleans their room in a hotel before leaving.

Edit: Didn’t read the details responded to the question. Sorry.

I think it is criminal to expect the host to handle the party alone. It is some weird Puritan hangover.

I admit to cleaning up before my cleaning woman came (when I had one), but I sure appreciated what she did.

I just hired two young men to do a bunch of yardwork for me that I technically could have done myself. They were grateful for the work (and money), I was grateful for the fact that someone else was doing it, it gave me a good excuse to buy a bunch of cookies from my favorite bakery so I could give them some…win all around.
I think the event you mentioned will be much better for the help. After all, hiring some help is still less expensive than hiring a venue. This person is opening their home for this. If the person you were talking to really objects, let him volunteer his own damned home for the party. Send me his name and address so I can go slap him upside the head!!!!

I don’t see a problem with it! I am the hired help (cleaner) for a lady who doesn’t have the time/can’t be bothered (her words) to clean her house herself so she pays me to do it. Helps me out a great deal. Providing people are respectful to their hired help and the help is used to make a better experience (in your particular case) then I see no problem with it at all!

I love hiring people to do stuff. For the first time in our married life my husband and I are doing our own yard work. That’s hard stuff!!
Even with the economy bringing less into our pockets I still cant part with my housekeeper every other week. She is amazing and I really hate the job.
As far as parties go, we have decided that if we ever throw a party for more than 3 or 4 couples we MUST have help. The last big party we threw was exhausting and we never really got a chance to enjoy it.

I hate to pay someone to do what I could do for myself. I never throw parties or go to them. I hate parties, they seem beyond pointless to me.

Well, @Pheasant , lots of people like parties, and it’s a lot of work to throw a party, and the opportunity to hire someone, even as a one time thing, in this economy is a good thing.

@Pheasant Dowmload a good film and I’ll spring for popcorn – the zen hates parties, too.

Nota bene: I merged te response with the third person question.

Not at the right price.

The things you mentioned, cleaning, yard work, hosting (informal) parties, I either do myself or, at her pleasure, with my wife. I can’t justify hiring someone to do work I’m entirely capable of doing myself.

Hosting parties has an exception of volunteers being welcome but if none are forthcoming I take care of it. Then again I’m used to it and don’t mind, 50 people wouldn’t be a problem. Though I understand wanting to hire help so you can attend the event rather than work it and, under most circumstances, wouldn’t begrudge someone who does.

Just as an aside, a formal party/event is a different beast, help is usually mandatory from the logistics and the attendees expectations.

$75. for a person to help a party of 50+, that’s a steal!

I’m all for hiring people to help an event go smoothly. It would be a shame to make all those plans, invite the guests and then not be adequately prepared to serve them once they arrive… and after they’ve presumably donated their own monies.

If I could find someone to clean our house once a month for $75.00, I’d be in a new level of Nirvana. Sadly, you’ve got to shell out at least $100.00 plus tip for anyone to do anything like clean a house, clean a yard, babysit animals, etc.

Not at all.
One of my greatest joys is having a “stable” of help this last handful of years or so.
Merrymaids every 3–4 months for the hardcore deep cleaning.
What JOY!
I have my beloved gardener buddy Scott who doubles as my all around handyman too.

Yardwork, barn cleaning, bringing in truckloads of sand for the goose corral, helped me set up for a big bash I threw a few summers ago, brought in tables, kegs, ice, built platforms for the bands, assembled about 500 glow necklaces and bracelets and glow lanterns for the “Burning Goose” party goers.
Set up psychedelic flood lights, and, of course, the cleanup! lol

Nope, I’ve earned my harem of helpers and while I have cut back this last year and do quite a lot of my own work around my house, there is NOTHING like good help and I pay handsomely for it with great appreciation!

@JilltheTooth It’s great so many like going to parties, hope they enjoy themselves emmensely. I make any excuse to not have to go to one. I love going to baseball games, others hate the idea of baseball. They could go to a party and me a baseball game. I’m pro-choice in the matter. :-)

Not a one bit.

I use hired help a lot. I usually go through a referral agency, because that way the agency has already done the research.

@bob_ One great thing about having a Mexican husband is he thinks having help is “normal.”

@marinelife Puritan. Interesting. I do have a stereptype in my head that when it comes to parties and events the “Christians” actually think it is normal for people to have to help by bringing food and cleaning up, even at weddings. Then I push it out of my head as really having to do with social class, how much money people have. But, in fact, I have never been to so many pot luck dinners as I have living here in the bible belt. I actually like how social people are here, frequently getting together, I don’t mind the pot luck part at all usually. Certainly if people don’t have the money to feed everyone they shouldn’t I see nothing wrong with everyone helping out in that case as well.

But, I found it very odd this particular person said he was not happy with the idea of hiring help since he does well as a partner in a law firm, we have the money in the kitty from dues collected and other events we host where we actually profit, we also always collect for charity during our parties usually collecting between $300—$700 depending. Except that, he grew up in the mountains of East TN, and then I am back to that Christian stereotype thing, although he actually is not a religious man at this point, but your comment goes back to the tradition or the work ethic maybe, the culture of the area.

Yes. And I’d appreciate not having to explain it. People get so uppity when you try to tell them that it’s got to do with privilege and then they yelp stuff about how ‘they’re helping those poor fuckers’ – it’s like a microcosm for our corporotocracy.

Edited by me.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir : I think it has more to do with attitude. In a younger day I often was the help, was glad to be hired, and never got the impression that my employers were “helping those poor fuckers”. And although I grew up in a financially privileged environment, I never met anyone who had the “helping those poor fuckers” attitude you mention. I have, however, seen a lot of that exaggerated in the popular media. I think it’s just silly not to employ people if you want to and can.

I still sometimes am the help.

Like @JilltheTooth, I’ve been the help and didn’t get the kind of attitude @Simone_De_Beauvoir cites. I worked off and on with a caterer for several years.

Like@JLeslie, I also am still the help on occasion. Among family and friends, some of us are just good at finding ways to pitch in and help or takeover a task someone else isn’t managing.

It’s interesting what @JLeslie said about culture. My fiancee was born and grew up a number of years in Panama where they had a live in houseperson as well as help who would come on a schedule for other stuff. He thinks it’s normal if you can afford it to have other people take care of things you can’t keep up with or don’t want to keep up with. He doesn’t have the kind of weird guilt I do where I feel like I’m failing somehow if I can’t do it all myself. He doesn’t see hired help tied to classicism or privilege, he just sees it like dry cleaning.

@JilltheTooth Sure, on a day to day basis, that’s fine. There is NOTHING demeaning about doing that kind of work and it should absolutely be valued. Perhaps I’ve known different people but there are two types: 1) ones that think they ought to hire help if they got money (debatable) and 2) ones that don’t get that this is actually a global phenomenon. The latter has to do not with you guys helping some person and getting paid a little for it. It has to do with feminization of poverty worldwide and having masses (and I mean masses) of people from developing countries having to be ‘the help’ for whites and people with money here in the U.S. I think we’re just talking about different kinds of help, maybe.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Rest assured in my house it is not about an underclass being mistreated or not valued. And, although I brought up my husband being Mexican and being accustomed to having maids, I do not like the idea of a caste system, or cultural set up where a certain group of people are basically destined to be servants, and are practically endentured slaves. It certainly happens in America too, that I would never deny. I don’t really know the set up in Mexico, I was not making a specific comment about that country, although it seems to me the servants there make very little money.

@JLeslie You just saw me post on FB that I am willing to pay $300 bucks for someone to babysit my kids? It seems to me I’m okay with hiring help so to speak when that help comes from the people that are just as privileged as me. Perhaps that’s counterproductive but I don’t mind you (a white, middle class person) helping me out whereas if I seek out an agency of off-the-boat Jamaican women, I know what the factors that are problematic are. Aside from the fact that I’d pay you more than they get paid, sadly.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes, I agree. Well, I don’t mind hiring the Jamaicans or the Mexicans, but I would treat them the same as a white person, same pay. In some places it is more difficult to come across white people who do that type of work. I prefer to pay the person directly, but I have used Merry Maids. In fact, on two occassions I have had employers allow me to utilize their employees and the employer did not get a cut. One time I bought food at a restaurant for a party amd asked if they had a waiter who could help me that day. I just worked out with him how much he wanted and I paid him directly. Another time a contractor who employs minorities for commercial office buildings gave me the name of a guy to kick my carpets. He said with the economic downturn they have much less work, and whenever he can throw his guys side jobs he does. I negotiated the price directly with the carpet guy.

@JLeslie There are real reasons why white people do this work in smaller percentages.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I don’t argue with your point. All I mean is here in Memphis many times the guys doing my lawn are white, while in FL they almost never were. When I am in a hotel in Wisconsin, Arkanas, or Indiana the maid is almost always white, while in FL or NY they rarely are. Part of it has to do with the minority populations just not being present in large numbers in those states. Another thing is, as much as you talk about them not being protected by laws and other reasons they wind up in those jobs, there is also the fact that once minorities start working certain industries, white people tend to stay away from those industries. Partly because of how people identify, partly because friends, families, and communities start to network jobs just like white people do.

In the veru white midwest teen white kids still work at McDonalds, in other parts of the country, partly due to class and privilage, the white kids wouldnotbe caught dead working in McD’s. Or, even if there is not a large class differential they still might feel uncomfortable being the only white person employed there.

All sorts of reasons in my opinion for these divisions.

If I ask for help I usually offer to pay them. But usually they refuse my money because they know they can count on my help though If I hire someone whom I don’t know I do give them money. It’s okay if you don’t have enough time for those things or you just want to laze around and have the house in top shape.

If someone wants some work and I need work done and can afford to pay for it and don’t want to or can’t do it myself, I can’t see how that is wrong. We don’t have a housekeeper but it is on our radar. We do have someone come in and mow our lawns because it is more economical than buying a ride on mower ($2.500 plus) and we don’t have the time to do it. It makes absolute sense to pay someone to do this work.

Holy moly, if you have a large function or party I thought it only natural to hire help. You can’t be everywhere all the time. How can the one person doing everything even play host if they are putting out the food, making sure there is ice for the drinks, the paper towels, etc do not run out, manage people’s coats, etc?
As far as the pool, yard, kids, etc, the moment you take the second parent from the home you set up conditions where help is needed. It use to be that children would fill that void of doing the yard, washing the car, laundry, etc. Now they are busy with hockey, karate, dance, clubs, etc, they hardly have time for eating and homework. I don’t know many people who would come home and slave a few more hours at home after slaving eight hours at work if they can afford to have someone else do it.

I have been the help more times, than I ever had help. I never felt I got hired to do whatever out of pity. The people hired me mostly because they did not have the time, or wanted to make the time, to do it themselves.

If I could afford it, there would be things I could do myself; I would hire others to do. If I thought no one could do it just the way I liked it, I would do it myself. If I hired someone else to do it, that time is freed up to do other things.

I used to feel guilty about having Merry Maids, because it kind of made me feel like a failure as a stay-at-home mom for one, and because of the whole ‘privilege’ thing for another. I grew up quite poor, and it was really freaking weird for me to be in the position of hiring ‘help’.

I got over it.

@Hypocrisy_Central It’s not only the host gets stuck doing everything, although of course she/he does wind up doing the majority of work, it is that without the help guests have to work also. They have to cook, and clean, etc.

I just went to a party for the passing of a friend of ours. He had been ill, one of his requests was people get together and celebrate his life. It was really nice actually, about 50 people showed up and it did have a rather festive atmosphere. His family and friends told funny and touching stories about him, mostly funny, and they also played some music and sang, his wife plays piano and one of his sons guitar. It was a little bit of a jam session for about half an hour. Anyway, we, the guests were asked to bring an appetizer. Not that it pisses me off or anything, but it is last minute of course, we were told Thursday for the Friday night party. I have never seen so many plates of crackers cheese and pepperonis, and probably 10 tortilla chips and dip offerings. Not that it matters really, I mean we were there for someone we cared about who had just died; there for him and his family, and ourselves for that matter. But, these people are millionaires. I think pay $500 to a caterer of some sort, and get a few decent appetizers in there, and don’t ask us to rush around on a work day to prepare or buy something. I don’t work so it isn’t a huge burden for me, but most people do.