What extreme you would go to, in order to catch your partner/spouse cheating?

I would ask him and see what happens. He knows better than to ever fuck with me or the family we built together. Same here. What we have together is worth more than what each of us can have in secret and if we no longer get that, it’s time to split up. Besides, we’re in an open marriage. Betraying me when you don’t have to is worse than if you were in a monogamous marriage.

If you cannot trust your partner, your relationship is over already.

Yep, I parrot @DrBill

I wouldn’t expend the time, emotional energy or cash.

It’s like having to ask if your partner will take a lie detector test, um…if you have to ask that question it’s over, pack your bags and move on.

I’d never let her be banker again, let’s see who wins at monopoly then, smart arse!!

I agree if you are unhappy or don’t trust the relationship is probably already over, but I would also probably be inclined to get proof. I would do whatever it takes if I felt compelled to find out. Go through his stuff, follow him, whatever. It would take me a while to get to that point though. If I suspected something I would first try to talk to him. Maybe I would try to ignore my unhappiness or his cheating symptoms for a while if he was not forthcoming when I attempted to talk. But, eventually I would need to know for sure to leave. The feeling of being lied to or treated like I am an idiot really gets to me, and usually gets my adrenaline up so I feel compelled to know, to prove, to not feel crazy.

I agree with @Simone_De_Beauvoir. My SO knows that I will lose my shit on him if he ever cheated on me. But since we’re in an open relationship, it’d be hard to cheat unless he purposefully hid something from me.

In my limited experience, it doesn’t take much really. A cheater already has an amount of disregard for you and so isn’t super careful or secretive.

The extent I’ve gone through is to look through someone’s celly phone since it was going off at all of the day and night. I didn’t want to but I also didn’t want to invest further time in some schmuckus.

Was it worth the arguing about snooping in the celly versus what I discovered there? Hell ya it was! The person got to decide if they wanted me or if they wanted to mentally jerk off with someone else instead. I felt as a grown adult I deserved more than BS.

Having walked in on a boyfriend in the act of cheating on me previously I don’t recommend it. Its something I would never want to relive again, so no I would never go somewhere with the purpose to catch anyone.

If I were to suspect her of cheating I’d ask why that started. It may be because she wanted to make me jealous or something. But it was just for fun I’d end it but I wouldn’t make it obvious. I’d start slow and give her authentic reasons for not wanting to be around her and eventually she’ll get the message.

This post reminds me of an ex who walked in on his then wife cheating with one of his then friends. They looked up from doggie position to see him standing quietly there for a few seconds before he picked up the guy and tossed him out a 2nd story window.

If I really thought he was, I would go looking for evidence. Check his phone/email etc. I would need to have real concerns that there was a problem for me to do this though and really, if I have reached this point our relationship is in trouble. I wouldn’t do it just based on me feeling a bit insecure.

I don’t know what I would do. A big part of me wants to be in denial. I don’t want to know this. So at a point where things required action, there would be all kinds of evidence because she would be almost begging me to find out.

I don’t know. This is very difficult for me to imagine. We would see it coming long before it came, and be having discussions about ending it for a long time.

If I found I couldn’t trust someone then I would talk to him to figure out if the relationship wasn’t going to work. If I still suspected him of cheating I would say its time to break up and go our separate ways. Why be sneeky in catching someone in the act? Without trust it would never workout.

If I had suspicions I would do some passive stuff like becoming more observant of his availability and things like that. Then if I had strong suspicions I might consider going through his phone or email.

I work with this woman who had a boyfriend that she was with for many years, and they lived together. He had a job that he had to travel for, weekends in the state capital and conferences and stuff like that. She said people were asking her if she thought he had a girlfriend and she said she did not think so. Then she went through his email and saw months of emails back and forth with this woman. She confronted him with piles of printed emails and he still lied to her face and denied it. She said she called the woman’s husband and told him, and he had a suspicion on his end so it was not a surprise. The woman subsequently got divorced and my coworker broke up with this guy. Obviously in some cases (for example, the one I discussed) the person might never admit to cheating without actually being caught.