Would you give consequences to your 14-year-old daughter who...?

Are you asking if she should be punished?

Yes.

If she’s never been “naughty” like this before then I wouldn’t give any consequences. Just explain to her that you don’t like that kind of behavior and why. Punishment isn’t always the answer.

Was it the last day of school or something (our of curiosity)?

I personally would punish her.

I think (if I had a 14-year-old daughter, which I don’t) I would tell her that it’s inappropriate behavior for a school bus. I don’t think I would punish her though. It was probably an impulse of hers while she was having a good time with friends – it’s not like she hurt anybody.
I agree with paulc, punishment isn’t always the answer.

Didn’t anyone think to call Homeland Security?

Consequences, yes – punishment, no. You don’t want this to become a ‘my parents don’t understand and won’t let me, so I’ll do it anyway’ thing, but rather make her realize she’s potentially damaging her reputation and not to mention there could be sickos seeing it….

Full moon? Yes, punish her. Playfully showing her clothed backside to passing vehicles? I’d comment to her that it wasn’t appropriate behavior.

Maybe just threaten to if it should ever happen again.

It wasn’t the last day of school, she was on the way to a sporting event. She wasn’t caught, Homeland Security wasn’t alerted, and the only reason her mom knows is because a friend has a big mouth.

This might just be because I’m still pretty young myself (20), but I don’t really think this is such a big deal. I think that by the age of 14, everyone has seen a (gasp) butt. Plus, there’s a lot worse she could have done.
(Feel free to disagree with me.)

I’m right there agreeing with Allie.. I don’t see the big deal.

every kid does it. As long as she doesn’t start doing it everywhere she goes I don’t think its a big deal.

I don’t think you need to tell her this is inappropriate. She is 14, she already knows this, and she knows why she shouldn’t do such a thing. If this was a one time thing, and she isn’t usually much of a troublemaker, I think you could let it slide just this once, but with a warning. Let her know you don’t approve, and won’t tolerate her doing anything more like this. If you make too big a deal of this, she may do worse just to protest your punishment. But you definitely should have the “what were you thinking?” talk with her.

If her school really wanted to, they could have her kicked out of school for sexual harasment or lewd conduct, hell if the police had seen they could have arrested her, do you want your daughter to be arrested for a sex crime? Indecent exposure is considered a sex crime these days. If you don’t punish her she will do it again, and who knows who will see next time….a pedophile, a cop, a teacher?

I think that you should not punish her for this. Instead give her a mature talking to about the potential repercussions of this. Tell her about the dangers of sickos and the like. Tell her that you expect better behavior of her and don’t want her potentially making herself a target for a dangerous individual. A serious, relaxed, talk about being disappointed should to the trick. I remember that I always found my parents disappointment much more notable than a punishment. Make sure both parents are there for the talk. Make it slightly emvarassing for her. She should get the point.

Before punishing her or even having the serious talk she needs, I would see if you can get her to talk to you about her feelings about it. Is she incredibly embarrassed that she gave in to a one-time impulse so that she would never do it again on her own anyway? Does she, like some of the people answering here, think it was no big deal and not see the consequences?

Her responses and, if she will share them, her feelings should then dictate the content of the talk. Sadly, in our society there almost are no such things as childish pranks anymore, particularly if they involve any behavior that could be viewed by the twisted as “sexualized.” When an elementary school kid at age 6 is charged with sexual harassment (Massachusetts 2006), anything can happen.

At the least she needs to be aware at 14 that school systems have no sense of humor and zero tolerance policies these days. She needs to think about consequences to protect her future.

Rather than punishment, I think she needs your guidance on how to deal with this. Teenagers have poor impulse control and do things they regret all the time. If she got razzed by friends for it, she may need you to tell her that the stigma of this action will not last forever and give her techniques for dealing with it.

as wildflower said, coniquences not punishment

People are acting like she didn’t know that it’s inappropriate. If you are 14 and don’t know that flashing random motorists while on a school bus is inappropriate, then you have bigger problems than being punished.

I’m not suggesting you cut off her hand, but being grounded a day or having some privilege temporarily suspended is appropriate.

The action occurred in a environment of her peers where the action would be seen as “socially acceptable”. Her motivation was probably to gain a few steps on the social ladder. This probably took alot of courage on her part, being as it was most likely the first time she had done this. Try to support her self-esteem, treat her with more respect and she won’t feel the need to use such extreme measures to gain the respect of her peers. Do not overdo it! She’ll know if your respect is an act.

I honestly think the biggest risk from something like that is from pedophiles following the bus and abducting her. That’s not exactly very likely since she was with a sports team on her way to a school event, but had it been on the way home circumstances might be different. I think a good punishment might be to have her look up all the sex offenders in your zip code. I bet that would be a nice eye-opener for her.

Exellent idea, but it’s going to mold her to be fearful & less trusting.

@psyla, Perhaps that’s a healthy attitude in today’s society… a sad truth.

Fear is never a good thing.

Wow. That’s really all I can say. I posted the question because I had discussed the situation with a group of friends and they were just as varied. My daughter views her actions as a prank, not sexual or approval seeking in any way. We had a good conversation about it and the consequence was that she was unable to ride the bus for the next few events: natural consequence for not being able to act right on the bus.
There are no sex offenders in our zip (seriously), but I like that awareness has been a theme. It has made me think. Some think I did too much, others not enough. It’s such an adventure…this thing called parenting.

I do have a fourteen year old daughter. If she did this, I promise you she would be so punished. We would have a talk, but at this age she already knows this is inappropriate behavior. She can do all the mooning she wants once she does not live with me and her dad. Until then…she will be punished.

Blind lashing out like that is the reason I like to keep about 2000 miles between me and my parents.

@mzgator…punishment like what?

mzgator, what exactly would you inflict on your child if she were caught mooning motorists from the bus? Would there be any physical beatings or would the response be rage and confinement?

Well, she has a few possessions that she would not want to live without. One is her Canon Rebel camera and the other is her computer with photoshop. She lives for photography. I would take it all away for a determined time.

Ah! Theft! We are teaching the child that it’s OK to disrespect the property of others! When she’s older I’d say 500 to 1000 miles distance would be about right. A military career might work too. Parents, please develop an enjoyable relationship with your children before they get old enough to be able to drive far away!

Believe it or not, when I was 16, I did the exact same thing. Of course, there are some differences because I was older and I’m a male.

My school punished me with three days in-school suspension and three swats. Then of course, they notified my parents. My parents lectured me about how it was inappropriate and how I should never do anything like that again. Then we had a good laugh about it. This is coming from parents who thought of the belt as a great lesson teacher.

As long as she knows that it wasn’t a smart move to make and realizes that it shouldn’t happen again, I wouldn’t worry to much about it. When someone is young and around friends, bad choices will happen but that’s what gives young people some of their best life lessons.

Randy: I couldn’t agree more with what you said – “When someone is young and around friends, bad choices will happen but that’s what gives young people some of their best life lessons.”

One thought: this is probably not the first time she’s done something inappropriate.

No offense, but who are you to say that? Untill my sophmore year of high school, I followed all the rules and never got into trouble. Its suprising how much peer pressure can affect a “good apple”.

I still got these scars on my butt from daily whippings with the dreaded belt. You can see where the buckle was as there’s a buckle-shaped scar at the end of my left butt cheek. No underwear was allowed as a shield against the belt. I got only small comfort in the fact that I was actually mooning Dad as he lashed me. My proctologist says that daily childhood whippings are the most likely culprit in my current adult constipation problem

Woohoo, Randy’s got my back…no pun intended.

If she has been otherwise inappropriate this is the first time I’ve heard of her putting her bootie out there for those on I80 to check. She is either smart enough to keep her shananigans on the down low or her mooning is a gateway to more sexually illicit behavior the way marijuana is a gateway to crack.

OK, I couldn’t resist dripping the sarcasm.

OMG psyla…that is dreadful.

I remember the things I did 5 – 10 years ago and I remember what my friends did, and if kids today are anything like we were, parents should be very afraid

@psyla Are we siblings? Ever read The Great Santini by Pat Conroy? My life to a great extent.

I once went to a chicken house on a dare from my cousin with said cousin and my brother after we had been told not to (it would disturb the chickens). Down the road after us come our fathers in a pickup. They announce that we will be whipped with the belt when we get home. They then turn the truck around and drive off, leaving us to walk the dusty road home all the while contemplating the coming whipping. the boys were strategizing about putting some comic books down their pants. They told me I could not have any.

After we dragged slowly in, my father says through clenched teeth: “Girls first, young lady,” and orders me to go in the bathroom and bend over. Frantically, I scan the bathroom looking for something, anything, to cushion the stinging blows. Desperate, I grab the only thing I see, a large bar of ivory soap, and shove it down into my underwear in the back.

When my father came in, taking off his leather belt, he said, “Bend over.” I dutifully bent over and the big square bar of soap stuck up off my skinny little ass. My father couldn’t help it. He started laughing. He laughed so hard he couldn’t whip me, and when he told the story to the other adults, they all laughed and the boys ended up getting off too. We still got punished, but no belt that time.

I am so not afraid of what my kid could do. I feel like it’s such a trip with all three of my kids, I have no time to be afraid. I guess the combination of my husband growing up in Brooklyn projects and me having UNLIMITED freedom as a kid makes me confident that these jokers better be crazy sharp about what they do or not try to get away with too much (I guess I have to examine all the things that could happen on a school bus).

@gimmedat If marijauna is the gateway to crack, is mooning the gateway to a crack?

Mooning is the new gateway drug, didn’t you know?

@marina. Rofl… Gateway to crack!

marina, did you move several thousand miles away from your parents like I did? Do you have any belt/buckle scars? Any adult intestinal trouble from the beatings?

its just a silly prank. i would give her props. Mooning people when your young is just a game. i mooned people look how well i turned out. but definitely make her deal with the schools cosequences

I would love to know the breakdown of ages compared to opinions. Are the younger kids more forgiving of this behavior than those with more experience?Just wondering. BTW, I am not old enough to have a 14-year-old ;)

Im 21 and I think its fine. Its not like anyone would be hurt by this act.

I’d bet the younger parents are more tolerant with the older parents being more aghast at the behavior. The older parents are more likely to have belt scars on their butts as lashing by belt was a common discipline method back during their times.

I think you should make your daughter watch the breakfast club and write you an essay about parenting styles, peer pressure and stereotypes. And I am 34. And me mooning folks in high school would have been the least of my mom’s worries.

Personally my mother probably would have been like “You did what??” And then half giggle, just because its so shocking. As for punishment I do not think she would really know what to do. I mean what can you do? Its not like they caused any bodily harm. All you can really do is say “don’t do it again.” its nothing really serious. You could how ever have her apologize to the bus driver for her behavior.

I’m 19. I just answered from what would strike me the most to not do it again at 14. I remember what I was like, then.

Most people would laugh, shake their head or respond in a different way. It doesn’t really seem like a big deal until your child does something like this.

I don’t know what type of punishment you are considering, Let her know that she is responsible for her own action and when she does stuff like that she is disrespecting herself and making it easy for others to disrespect her.

I have an idea. Think of someone who she would never think fo doing it in front of, like your minister, or some guy she thinks is really cute. Ask them to call her and say they were driving by when she did it, and they saw her. Tell them to act really shocked that she would do such a thing. That should cure her of ever wanting to do it again!

I like Scamp’s idea…....scare-tactics work!

I don’t think it’s too big of deal and a talk should do it. My concern and I would talk to the issue of sexual harressment. In this day of PC schools she may find herself in trouble for a prank. Also you may remind her that more of her may end up on the internet than she ever wanted.