I feel neglected by my partner. What should I do? (details inside)
I feel distant from my partner because I feel like he’s too busy to spend time with me. He noticed that I’ve been more quiet and distant this week. He wants to have lunch with me tomorrow because he has a half day of work, which is thoughtful.
However, I feel disappointed in his usual lack of attention. I feel like a side dish to his full plate of life. Now that he wants to treat me I just don’t feel up to it because of my disappointment. I also feel like our relationship is mostly on his terms and he spends time with me when it’s convenient for him rather than making sure I’m a priority. He tells me that I am the biggest thing in his life but I feel like the smallest. I feel resentment. He’s coming home from work soon and I don’t want to really be in the same room today.
How do you think I should handle my feeling of being let down and neglected by my very busy boyfriend? I don’t see this cycle really changing much because of his job. Thanks.
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5 Answers
Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? Has he always been this busy with work or is it something new? If you haven’t talked to him yet about how you are feeling, you need to do that. If you have already talked to him about it and things aren’t improving, you could let him know that things haven’t gotten any better since you talked about it.
How long have the two of you been together? Have you tried to figure out ways the two of you can get closer despite his busy job?
If you arent happy when he gets home, there is a basic issue.
If you cant deal with his life and work, move on.
If you love him and support him, get a new hobby or a dog.
@Seaofclouds
We’ve been together going on two years. It started out as a long distance relationship and then I moved across state to live with him. I do talk to him about it from time to time. He’s a very social person and prefers to do things in a group rather than with just one person, including me. That is what I feel bothered about. It’s that he just doesn’t recognize that I really value one on one time where I can feel close to him without other people.
Sometimes I think I am too needy but he doesn’t think so. He’s trying to adjust to my needs and I am trying to do the same.
How long ago did you move to be closer to him? Have you tried making friends in the new area so that you have other things to do when he’s too busy? Do you go out with him in the groups? You say he’s trying to adjust to your needs, do you really feel that way? Do you feel like you are adjusting to how social he is? Do you have hobbies and interests where you are now?
@Seaofclouds
I moved in after a year of long distance. I’ve tried to make new friends too. This area doesn’t have much to offer in terms of social life, which has been a problem I’ve talked about with him and his family. I get pretty lonely. I’ve made a couple friends though. We do go out in groups when our schedules are in sync. There is a lack of interesting things to do where I live. That’s been a huge blow to my level of contentment since I moved. He has a lot of friends, most of which I’m not all that interested in but I do group activities with them, and family close by. All mine are hours away.
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