How do you say goodbye to a close friend?

Depends on the friend and the friendship. It’s a very personal thing. In which case, I think you’re on the right track.

I laid in bed with my mother and told her I loved her more than she would ever know. She squeezed my hand, so I knew she heard me.

“Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.” — last words of Karl Marx

Bring over some pictures of your family, stuff you’ve done together, or other memorabilia that’s meaningful to your friend. Bring a camera too, so you can capture these precious moments together.

Be matter of fact, but kind and gentle. I always have a gentle sense of humor at the ready, but I don’t pull it out unless they can handle it. Let them know how much you love them too.

@SmashTheState Thanks! That is perfect!

I don’t think I understand. Why does Hospice mean goodbye?

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Hospice is usually called in at the end of life to help ease the pain and suffering and to help the family with the loved one’s needs.

Yes I understand that part. But I got the picture that this was the last time they’d ever see each other. Could not the visits continue until the very end? Maybe next Monday Night Football will be game on!

BTW @Cruiser… Sorry about your mate. Really sorry.

There are no farewells between close friends and loved ones…

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Within limits, people seem to have the ability to choose when they want to let go and die. When my mother went into hospice to die, she hadn’t seen my brother for several years. He and his wife had just had a baby and she’d wanted nothing more in her life than to see a grandchild. (I, being asexual, was unlikely to produce any progeny.) The doctors couldn’t be exact, but told us that she had “less than months, but more than days,” and that they’d call us any time of the day or night when the end was near so we could be with her.

She went in on a Monday. On Thursday I convinced my brother to bring his baby to see her. Despite dying of cancer and being otherwise unresponsive, she became completely lucid, active, and alert when the baby showed up, actually sitting up and holding it, and talking with us. As soon as the baby left the room, she fell into a deep sleep and never woke up again. She was dead by Saturday.

The day she died, they called us and told us to come quickly, because she was going fast. I had to take the bus, and it took me over an hour and a half to get there. Despite being in a coma, on the verge of death, she somehow knew to wait for me. Two minutes after I arrived, her breathing began slowing. Ten minutes after that she took her last breath.

When I spoke to the funeral director about it, he wasn’t at all surprised. He told me that it was his personal experience that this was the rule and not the exception, that people seem to be able to either hold on or let go in their final extremity. I’m not at all sure what the biological mechanism for this would be.

In any case, I mention this because once @Cruiser has said his good-byes, there is a very good chance his friend will feel he no longer needs to hold on, and @Cruiser should not anticipate there to be a “next time.”

Wow @SmashTheState. Just WOW.

I didn’t have a change to say goodbye.

When my dad was in hospice we were all gathered around him. He was not responsive to anything but he puckered a lot for my mother when she would kiss him. I have pictures of it.

There was a moment when I closed my eyes and in my head I seemed to step out of the room.

All of a sudden I heard my dads voice as clear as I would ever hear it. He told me it was almost time, and it was bright where he was. He told me to tell them all he loved them especially my mom. I said I needed him here with me and I would miss him he said don’t worry I will be. He died after that within the hour.

A few months after his death I went to visit him with his favorite flower which ironically grew in my backyard only that year and had never been there before or after. I put the flowers in a mason coffee cup for trasnportation and brought a medium double double to his grave. I put the flowers in the grave vase and brought the mason mug home.

Later on the next day I was doing the dishes, the mason mug was in the cupboard and flew out and landed in the sink water, I instinctly said “your welcome dad”.

I don’t expect everyone to believe me and I’m ok with that.

@Cruiser
The jersey sounds like a great idea. It truly is a gift to know when you are losing someone. I lost my husband unexpectedly and I’m having a much harder time with that. From my personal experience this isn’t the last goodbye.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I wrote my dad a letter. My dad told me goodbyes are for us not for him and he was at peace. I think while he was sick it was the closest we ever got to be.