How can I help someone to be happier?

Well, you’re already doing something by being a friend and making yourself available to talk and listen.
However, depression can be a debilitating condition if it is not addressed, and may require the help of a doctor. If your friend isn’t interested in moving, would she be willing to discuss her feelings with her physician? It might be worth suggesting, although she may or may not be open to the idea, it can’t hurt to try.
I recently read a study that described the health dangers of prolonged loneliness. If you friend is significantly isolated, which sounds like might be the case, it can be contributing to her depression. Again, if moving doesn’t appeal to her at this time, perhaps she could join a club or activity or class with other people in her age group. You say you don’t live close to her, but do you live anywhere near her? Could you possibly look on the internet or in a newspaper to find potential activities that would get her out and about with other people? A shift in her emotional state may be as simple as getting more companionship and interaction with other people than she is receiving now.

The estrangement through damaged relationships perchance?

You can help a little, but only she can control her attitude.

Perhaps you could take some vacation time and visit her. Take her to examine possible places to live where she could interact with other seniors. it might ber too hard for her to manager herself.

My mother just moved from an apartment into a retirement building where she gets her meals. She is so much perkier having activities and being forced to interact with others.

I live 4 hours away ,but, talk to her on the telephone often. She doesn’t get out much, isn’t computer savy. I will talk to her about speaking to her doctor. She never had children and her family is estranged or have passed on.

@comity That is a good idea about speaking to her doctor. You could also see if there is a social services agency in her area that could send a social worker to talk to her.

I believe pets can be helpful for a person dealing with loneliness.
I read in your profile that you volunteer for a variety of activities, is this an option for her?
Volunteering can give her something to look forward to as would joining a club or group. Meet up may be a good source in finding an interest group in her area.
I think if you can get her involved in just one activity, it may be enough to spark her interest in more and therefore become less isolated. Concentrate on one passion/desire of hers and go from there.
It’s a lot easier to fall into the rut of loneliness than it is to dig out of it, but it can be done.

You must be a kind and caring person to take such interest in your friend’s well-being. I agree with @marinelife in seeing if you can arrange to visit her for a bit and go with her to check out some independent living sites. Some of them hold luncheons for potential residents. Some friends of Mom’s live in one, and they think she is crazy not to move in as they are so happy there.

If she insists on living at home, how is her ability to take care of herself? Is she able to get out via car or public transportation? If so, maybe she needs to be encouraged to join a group of some sort or take a class. What are her interests?

If your friend is healthy enough to get out of the house, suggest that she join a food bank, Habitat for Humanity or some other organization that helps the less fortunate. For example, she could volunteer to help out with Red Cross blood drives in her neighborhood. (Not everyone at the blood drive works directly with the blood!)

It always helps to be more active rather than less active, and seeing other people who are in worse shape than we are makes us much more appreciative for what we already have.

My friend is able to get out, but she doesn’t. I have medical issues but I’m a people person (that’s why I fell in love with Fluther) so I manage. She was always more of a loner, not one who volunteers. I don’t know if I can travel to her now for medical reasons, and because I live in snow country, but I will try to get a social worker to work with her in her home as suggested, and maybe she can help with getting her into some independent living sites, etc. Many, many thanks for all your wonderful responses.

Comity, your are a good person. I had a recluse aunt in the same situation. We finally bundled her up and took her to an assisted living home and she loves it.

I know this is difficult for you to do, so you will have to rely on a social worker to investigate her living conditions and health. If all is not well with her, her state will take over her and place her in a home. Its not safe for a person, her age and overall situation, to live alone.

I went through this with my mother. I promised I would never place her in a nursing home. I had to backoff that promise for her safety and health sake. She was falling 3 times a week.

You have already proven yourself to be a good friend, just by caring for her.

Call her state social worker and get the ball rolling for her.

@john65pennington Will do. Many thanks!

If I were you I could keep a good strong communcation with this person. Talk to them about their feelings, listen to them. You’ll be surprized how much people appreciate a good listener who brings morale support to the table.

I do talk to her often. Just got in touch with an acquaintance who worked with me, is a recently retired social worker and volunteers as a companion to the elderly. She will work with my friend regularly for a small fee and we’ll go from there. Hoping for the best!

@comity You sound like a great friend!

Im very curious why she is estranged from her family….

She didn’t have children. Has an only sister that she’s never been close with who lives in California . No one else really.

I think people are responsible for their own happiness. Hopefully she can see that she might be happier living close to people where she can find companionship and keep her mind occupied.

@Countrybumkin That is so true. A person can always find things to be happy about or things to be sad about – depending on their half-full or half-empty view on life. Also, only the individual can know what changes he/she can make in the pursuit of happiness.

Sometimes people get depressed and need a little help from their friends http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmOtWyjs8iU I have seen the glass half empty at times in my life but I was younger and strong enough to pull out of it. Hope she can!

Ooops! I picked a druggie song says my hubby. I thought the Beetles singing ” I get by with a little help from my friends, I get high with a little help from my friends” meant “I get happy”. This old gal isn’t with it sometimes. Please take that into consideration. ;)

@comity Oh, definitely! Especially if something traumatic has happened in their life. I was thinking more of people who are perpetually unhappy. But it’s true, if it wasn’t for my daughters taking me out shopping, and to the spa, and generally being very attentive to me, I would have had a much harder time getting over my husband’s death.