Why do some individuals like to baby others (be it their spouse, child, or pet)

Some people have very nurturing personalities. They are what we call “mother women” (for women, I don’t know what it is for men but it’s mostly women who do it anyway). If they are not nurturing something, they don’t feel whole.

@kheredia But, babying their 50 year old husband?

I am talking about overdoing it with all three.

It makes them feel powerful and important.

It makes them feel needed. They feel good when they are nurturing someone else. Or, simply that is the role they most identify with. I know women who their whole adult lives have been about taking care of their husband and children. My MIL for a while said she felt inútil, basically it means she felt useless, or not utilized. Her purpose had been taken away as her children became more independent. Nurturing her family is something she does well, it was her role, her job, her identity.

The moment we are born, we are attached to our mothers. As we grow up we attach ourselves to other things that make us feel safe. Maybe her husband married her in the first place because she has this nurturing personality. Perhaps, he unconsciously attached himself to her because she makes him feel safe and she geniunely enjoys nurturing him. I’ve seen this before and honestly I wouldn’t be able to live with someone like that myself, but if it doesn’t bother anybody involved then I don’t see anything wrong with it.

I do that. I am not sure why. As the youngest in my family, I was the subject of being mothered and not expected to mother anything. I didn’t mother my pets or friends while growing up – just my dolls. But then I got married and started having kids, and I don’t know what happened after that. I mean, of course I mothered my kids, but now they are all over 30 and I still do it! And I have to admit, I mothered my husband(s). Big mistake! I learned that too late, but I make sure to tell my daughters not to do that. Reason is, husbands will be more than happy to let you take over and be their mother, but then instead of having a husband, you wind up with a perpetual kid. Ugh!

@Jude: Could you define babying, on all three accounts? It could be vastly different on each subject and I’m curious what you consider babying.

I don’t do it, nor like it done to me. But that’s just me.
Some people do it thinking they are regressing to their level as a way to offer comfort I suspect.
I think they do it to a child as a way to mirror to create a comforting feeling.
To do that with an animal to give a sing song tone to help also communicate comfort and praise.
Adults to maybe do the same, but I don’t understand why they would have to. Maybe as some endearing tone. I don’t know.

It’s codependent IMO. Big dif. between caring and smothering.

I love and care for my pets and daughter but I am not neurotic about it, nor do I derive a sense of self from it.
I do not feel the need to “rescue” and nurture at my own expense or as a vehicle of self worth.
True, some personalities are more nurturing, especially younger women in their reproductive years, but, it is also true that many derive an entire sense of personal identity in the roles they play and that often, these types are “giving” what they wish they, themselves. were receiving from others
.

There’s a saying that goes ” Help is the sunny side of control.”
I’d bet a gazillion dollars this woman is just a stones throw away from martyrdom. Gah!

I’ve been thinking about this as well…I absolutely detest when women baby their husbands…as in ‘oh i have 4 children, 3 boys and my husband, har har har’ like I’m supposed to nod and smile and nudge, nudge, wink wink about how simply awfully immature our husbands are…well, tough shit, my husband is incredible, he’s not a baby and if you think it’s okay for you to be with one, that’s your problem…same goes for people that baby their kids that aren’t babies, way to get them ready for the world…and as for people’s pets, well…why not…to some people, their pets are their kids…

Good for you, @Simone_De_Beauvoir . It was the biggest mistake I’ve made. I have really made an effort to cut the apron strings with my kids – that is, not to try to rescue them every time they have a problem. They manage to solve their problems better without me, but I didn’t know that until I backed off a bit. They didn’t ever ask for my help in the first place, I just assusmed that they told me their problems because they wanted help to solve them, but I was wrong. It’s too late to try things differently with my husband, as he has passed on. It is a life lesson, and better not to start it in the first place.

I say my husband is like a kid, not because I baby him, but because he is adventurous like a child, and loves cars, and seeks thrills. I think men tend to take the time to do what they want for fun, while women miss out on doing those things, so we see men as more childlike in their pursuit of happiness.

I have a sister who did it with her husband. Did everything pretty well. She took care of the bills, chores, mortgage, spoiled him with food and gifts, and talked baby talk to him. When their daughter came along, his nose was out of joint. It took him a few years to adjust to sharing the attention. We all saw it. Now, the daughter is babied and she is 9. Tons of toys.
Whines and has fits if anyone asks her to do something on her own.

It’s crazy.

@Jude I didn’t baby my husband to that extent. Yes, I took care of bills, chores and mortgage (because he aparently didn’t care much if the electricity was turned off or the house reposessed). And I cook dinner every night because that’s just what I do. I wouldn’t say I bought him that many gifts, and certainly didn’t talk baby talk to him.

I agree with @JLeslie—some people just have caretaking personalities. I think they crave being needed and feel fulfilled when they are needed by others. It’s an inherent part of their nature regardless of whether they’re male or female.

Sometimes, yes, I agree that it has to do with control: if I decide what you need and provide it, you’ll depend on me and become unable to do it yourself. However, not all caretakers are control freaks.

My mother’s a big, big caretaker—she started babysitting at age 11 and all of her jobs throughout her life have involved some level of caretaking. She can’t function without someone to care for—and I think that’s okay as long as it doesn’t fall into control-freak zone! On the contrary, even as a mother, I am not a caretaker. I shudder at the idea of being needed—exactly why I teach mouthy high school kids, not little kids that mouth things.

Interesting, @linguaphile . I think my thing was more like; if I provide your needs, you will decide that you would rather depend on me than take care of yourself, and then I am stuck doing everything for you, and how in the world did I get myself in this position!

I suspect there are a combination of reasons for this. It can make people feel necessary. If they didn’t take care of the other, what would be their purpose? It can be kind of cute. A game. It can be an effort to maintain control over others or over a situation. It can come from a feeling of low self-worth. It can be a way of diminishing others—and by extension, making you feel more powerful and needed. Maybe some feel they should be doing more serious things, such as bringing in an income, instead of being a homemaker. I’m sure there are other reasons as well.

Frankly, I do think it is kind of pathological—not something a truly psychologically healthy person would do all the time. Some of the time, sure. But not all the time. I think such a person might benefit from therapy. They might want to learn more self control and self-esteem—to feel comfortable with who they are and their role and importance within the family.

Because they lack a lifetime supply of mature discipline when it comes to too much pride for someone else. It’s basically an extension of their own. Anything else would be a ridiculous excuse.

In all seriousness, they want their pet or child or baby to be happy, and feel comfortable in all ways possible. I mean, you wouldn’t want to discomfort your baby, would you?

And to concur with @janbb, they want to feel important, and have all attention towards them.