Getting together after a divorce?
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Kandy (
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November 29th, 2011
Alright, so my parents have been separated for two years now and divorced for six months, things are better considering there is a little less tension at home. My father no longer lives with us but is here nearly every day. Here recently my parents have been talking more and just now they were cuddling on the couch. Personally I do not think this is okay because my father is still VERY much in love with my mother, and my mother does not want anything to do with my father. I’m tired of her stringing him along, I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she doesn’t see eye-to-eye with me. Is it wrong of me to not want my parents to get back together?
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16 Answers
What does your mom say when you talk to her about stringing your dad along?
She just plays it off as if she isn’t doing it.
Not at all wrong. I think your mother is playing with fire messing with not only her ex-husband’s feelings but yours as well.
I’m sorry. I’m completely baffled by people who play games and mess with other people’s heads.
@EnchantingEla Thank you! Geez, finally someone who agrees. It makes me so mad because she isn’t the one who has to put up with him anymore when he is upset. I do. I’m the one who has to comfort him at two in the morning because he doesn’t know what to do anymore. She doesn’t seem to get how badly my father still loves her. When I tell her that, she just looks at me and gets this look satisfaction in her eyes for a brief second. She even has a “boyfriend” that she says she loves. If she really loved this guy, she wouldn’t do that to my father…correct?
I would say correct. I’m sorry she’s putting you through this and even sorrier for your father. I hate the games so many people play : (
I don’t think you’re wrong at all. If she has no intention of getting back together with him, she needs to stop encouraging him.
No matter what else is going on, they shouldn’t be putting you in the middle of it. That sucks. When your dad is upset about their situation, he needs to talk to your mom about it, not you.
I agree with @augustlan, @Kandy. I wish you weren’t in the middle of dealing with their emotions and games. Of course you have every reason to be upset and fed up with being part of their emotional back and forth. I imagine that I’d pretty mad if it were me.
Your father also shouldn’t be relying on your for comfort at two in the morning. He’s supposed to be the adult. Your mother doesn’t sound like any great catch, either. I’m sorry you’re caught in the middle. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to help. I’m afraid your parents will have to grow up on their own. As will you, alas.
This is your mother’s and father’s business. It sounds harsh, but it is true.
No, @perspicacious, it isn’t true. If the mother and father are bringing the child into it, then it is also the child’s business. You might as well say it’s not a mother’s business if her husband is beating her child.
My answer is right on @SavoirFaire. The marriage AND the divorce is between husband and wife. This child can stay in her room if you doesn’t want to see her parents cuddle. If her parents decide to get back together so be it. Her mother doesn’t have to see “eye to eye” with her child regarding her marriage or her divorce.
@perspicacious I was in my room. That’s where I normally am at to escape this whole problem. Guess what? It still comes back around and gets me involved. A divorce isn’t just between a husband and wife, it invovles the whole family. Parents and children alike. The children are forced to stand by and watch as their family is torn apart, it is one of the biggest pains children can go through. How is is not my business if I’m being dragged into it? It isn’t like I can just escape. I’m smart enough to know that running from your problems never solves anything. No, my mother doesn’t have to see “eye to eye” with me, but she should NOT play my father like that. Especially since my father is already an emotional wreck due to the divorce. No, he shouldn’t confide in me at two in the morning, I get that. But considering he threatened us with suicide, what am I to do? Tell a mentally unstable person to grow up? I don’t think so. He used to drink and drink untill he couldn’t feel the pain anymore, then a wave of emotions would hit him and I’d be the only one to be there for him.
@SavoirFaire Thank you, I agree with your point.
Divorce is everyone’s business in the family, even the children’s (no matter the age). My apologizes @Kandy, but I think this whole thing is messed up. Both your parents need to grow up and pay attention to someone other than themselves.
@perspicacious Repeating yourself doesn’t make you any less wrong. Read all of the responses: @Kandy is being dragged into this (against her will, no less). That makes it her business.
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