Do you automatically call new additions to the family by their title because it is official, or do you only do it when it feels natural?

I think you are correct. The guy has been known as X and now you’re supposed to change that to Uncle X? How is that disrespectful? He didn’t do anything to earn the title other than marry your aunt. But, in the interest of peace and harmony ask him what he wants you to call him.

Calling another man my uncle when I’m an adult just sounds strange to me. I call people by names. I think those titles are best reserved for kids.

I have mastered the art of avoiding using people’s names when I’m not completely sure what to call them, or if their official title feels awkward for me. Perhaps you could attempt to avoid actually calling him by his name? I also agree with the suggestion to simply ask what he wants to be called.

@Blackberry that was essentially what I said to my father. I feel like if this had happened when I was 10, I might be like “yay, a shiny new UNCLE!”
I’m almost 30. It just feels strange and juvenile to start referring to a person very suddenly as my uncle. It does feel age-related, to me.

@bobbinhood in all fairness, they live on the other side of the country, so I rarely call him anything at all. I don’t want to deliberately be disrespectful, though, so I was curious to know if the general population agrees with my dad… and I am just being a brat with no manners. :)

Maybe it’s a generational thing. One of my nephews, who is 25 has called me by my first name for a few years now, except around my mother. The other always calls me “Aunt Tooth” because I just don’t see him enough. I’m happy with both. I think it would make your Aunt’s new husband uncomfortable if you suddenly changed how you addressed him. You’re a full on grown-up, not a 7 year old, I would think that continuing as you were would be appropriate.

I laughed at “shiny new uncle”. If you really want to upset him, make him a fake certificate so he feels really special.

“And on this day! Let it be known that this man shall be referred to Uncle and only Uncle (name).”

^Hahahaha!!

Geez girl…what a lot of family drama you are having to deal with right now.

Here is the guideline in our extended family: The babies are brought up to say “Aunt” and “Uncle”. As my sister once told her daughters, it is a special title that is reserved for very few people in your life.

Now that the nieces and nephews are adults, there is an exception to this rule. They do not call their uncle’s second wife ‘aunt’. They still consider the mother of their cousins as their aunt, despite the divorce. There is a certain logic to that.

@Pied_Pfeffer ‘tis the season. ;)

I would not suddenly want to call him Uncle either.

No. I think that one becomes an uncle/aunt/mother/father/grandparent/sister/brother/cousin/etc not through legal means, but through repeatedly acting the role. And that goes for people who have been around forever – if my grandmother has always been my technical grandmother, but is totally absent and does not play any version of the role of grandmother, then she has not earned the title grandmother and I will not call her as such. And I can’t stand it when people insist that because they have the technical title, I must acknowledge them as having earned the role of the title as well.

@Aethelflaed good point.

I don’t think a marriage license automatically earns anyone any title at all. My husband has six grandchildren, two of whom live with us. I harbor no illusion that those girls should be forced to call me Grandma just because I married their grandfather.* My husband and I were married almost eight months ago and my school aged nephews simply call him by his first name, none of them add uncle. The older ones sometimes add it as a joke. So yeah, I think you’re right and it would be odd and maybe even stilted and a little creepy to start calling him uncle now. I do like the idea of discussing it with your aunt just to make sure no one’s feelings are getting hurt.

* I admit it, I wouldn’t let them call me Grandma even if they wanted to, I am simply too young.~

Nah, I wouldn’t start calling him “Uncle”.

I did do somewhat of a similar thing though… after my husband proposed to me, I was giggling and asked his parents, “Does this mean I get to call you Mom and Dad?” They surprised me by saying “Of course!” and hugging me…... so I started calling them Mom and Dad. :P

I wouldn’t call him uncle. That would feel very odd to me too. I imagine it would feel odd to him as well! Go with what feels right to you.

God, how petty. I don’t think you should call him uncle.