What is the best way to convey criticism to each other?

I think constructive critisism does work. It opens up a person to a different solution or perspective, while allowing that person to still work on what they already have. I think polite suggestions work best, so that the person you’re dealing with is not unintentionally instilled with a sense that “I’m always right!”

I think constructive criticism does work, it’s the people that won’t accept it who are the problem. I can understand it being hard to accept our own flaws, but completely looking outwards without looking in just make you think you can’t do anything wrong. It’s like a delusion or something.

“Can I give some you honest criticism?”

“Can I give you some feedback?”

These things should work. They are respectful. You can’t go much beyond respectful before it just becomes obsequious. If you are nice, and are still called an asshole for daring to criticise someone, you aren’t the problem.

Needless to say, as long as the criticism is somewhat valid and honest, it is very useful. I don’t agree that constructive criticism doesn’t work. I think it does work, but sometimes it is the person receiving the criticism that is the problem.

I disagree with with the premise of the article. Any individual unable to accept feedback has bigger issues that whatever the criticism happens to be.

As a manager, I try to be very careful about how I provide criticism. If I say “Cheryl, you have shown that you have the skills and knowledge to be an integral part of this company. I want you to succeed, and so I need to bring a few areas to your attention that I think you can improve in…”

As a friend, I’m less likely to criticize someone, but if I do, it’s along the lines of “I care about you, and I’m worried about how ”X” is going to affect your happiness/health/etc”.

I’m sorry, but especially in a work environment, you should never assume that you are perfect. And if you don’t know what areas you may be deficient in, then you can’t improve.
And if you don’t care to improve, then you suck as an employee.

Personally, if I’m doing something wrong, I want to be told (in a nice way, of course) rather than have people gripe behind my back about how much I suck.

Criticism comes from many sources but that which is thrown around by our parents is the most hurtful and therefore most memorable. That’s why I instantly think of my mother and my parents when I think of criticism. My mother’s criticism is consistent and long-lasting and I can’t remember a time when it did not take place. Other kinds of criticism isn’t hurtful and is expected. In my world of academia, criticism is part of the process. The best way to deliver criticism is from a place of kindness, not from a place of spite.

Depends on the person, people will react differently to different methods of suggestion. What your goal is matters too. If the purpose is to clearly point out what they’re doing wrong (often subjective but rarely do we let that limit us) in order to correct the issue then a straight forward critique with clear instruction what you require of them. That way they understand it’s not simply a suggestion and that not doing as you’ve instructed will/may have consequences. The final decision still lies with them but you’ve made your position clear and they can weigh the consequences vs their behavior if so inclined.

Outside of that, you’re in essence just giving your opinion and possibly some advice. Whether it’s an opinion worthy of consideration or not and if/how they adopt it is up to them. Criticism (constructive or otherwise) is easy to ignore if you’re not inclined to change your behavior.

For myself, if I invite the critique I don’t really care how you deliver it, but constructive criticism (in the sense of being non-confrontational) is more likely to keep me receptive to your point of view and open discussion. Damning critique will work too, particularly if I’ve been ignoring you otherwise, but if it’s not supported well I’ll likely defend my position until I find flaw with it. For unsolicited critique, it’s nice you have an opinion, good for you. Though even then, if phrased well, you can catch my attention – I’m often dismissive but not deaf.

This whole thing just makes me think of the “if you want something done well, do it yourself” and “you can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink” proverbs.

in a word – Respectfully.

Criticism can be hard to take sometimes yes, but if it is involving your professional work and you wish to grow as a professional, whether you like it or not you are going to have to listen to it.
I just got an essay back and got a fantastic grade for it but I sat down with my tutor and he tore it to shreds (not literally but picked it apart). It was hard to take some of the points as I thought I had written a great piece of work but from taking it on board I can hopefully gain a better mark for my next essay.
I think life is a bit like that too. Some criticism you take on board, other criticism you disregard. If it really hurts you I find that is when you have either worked hard and someone has not praised you for your hard work… (ok that’s hard but I’m sure there will be others around who will praise you) OR it could be that you truely thought you were correct. If this is the case criticism can be a very very good thing as it is always important to realize other peoples points of view. Even if you don’t take it on for future reference. If someone is continually trying to correct them I think its quite fun to do the same back to them. They will soon stop it.

I think the main point of the article is that it is how you say it that matters. If you say it in a way that gets the person to be defensive in one way or another, they won’t hear what you have to say. Calling it constructive criticism doesn’t help because all anyone hears is “criticism.” Then we all get on our guard. Being on guard is not a good way to be open to change.

I think constructive ‘feedback’ does work but not immediately. I also think it matters whether we asked for the feedback or if it was imposed upon us. So feedback that is imposed upon us is less likely to be appreciated (at least quickly). Even if we ask for feedback or know feedback is part of the process (for instance, the assignment submission and return process), we are still invested in that work. It can still be hard to accept negative feedback when we first get it.

I think distance is one of the key requirements for the acceptance of critical feedback. The more distance we can have from the work both emotionally and from a time lapsed perspective, the more able we are to take critical feedback. A level of detachment is perhaps required to really take criticism on board.

I have been known to put feedback on my writing in a drawer until I do have that emotional distance and enough time has passed for me to view the feedback in a more detached way.

Well that was a brief article but one thing that it did not tackle is to when it is appropriate or not. I always ask myself two things when it comes to the critique of others or their work: 1. Is it justified? 2. Can the person dishing it out take it back? When I know I’m new at something I can take criticism. I can also take it (even with stride) if I’m not very knowledgable about something or I know that somebody is more knowledgable about something over myself and they are respectful about it.

I think that one has to be very careful here since there is a very fine line between constructive criticism and insulting someone bacause they have different viewpoints, different ways of doing things or personalities that differ from yourself. With perhaps very few exceptions those who are willing to criticize constructively should be prepared to recieve it back.

Shock and awe.

I don’t want to sound critical, but that article sounds like advise from one of those namby-pamby types who doesn’t want kids playing dodge ball or doesn’t believe in keeping score because somebody might get their feelings hurt.

Criticism=Opinions

Opinions=Subjectivity

Subjectivity=Meh

I can take it, and usually appreciate it, from my husband. I think it is because I completely trust him. He can tell me I am acting like an idiot, and I know he is doing it to help me not hurt me.

At work I want my manager or coworkers to tell me if I am screwing something up, and how I can do it better. I want to know now, not at review time and found out I have been doing something badly for months.

Straight out honestly. Only criticize if you have been asked to or it is your job to.

Maybe this is awful, but for me personally, I think I am self-aware enough that I already know and feel bad about about my shit side and I don’t really need it pointed out to me. That just makes me feel worse. But if somebody honestly thinks I am unaware of something negative about myself and wants to point it out to me in the spirit of friendship, I can appreciate that. In general though, I think I’m my own worst critic.

I think criticism is best given when its purpose is not to just vent displeasure, but to improve something. For instance, “your data would be more accurate if you changed this, this, and this in your methodology” or “our relationship would be happier if we made a conscious effort to ______ more often.” I guess that’s the definition of constructive criticism, though, isn’t it?

I know I don’t handle criticism well. I don’t like the power differential. I mean, I HATE the power differential.

What I find works if we are all together as a team solving a problem. None of us has the right to necessarily say how it will be unless we are at loggerheads, and then the boss must decide. But in the discussion we work through how things will work.

Of course, this presumes that everyone is trying their hardest and are all competent. Sometimes people don’t contribute as much as others expect them to, and that can be a problem. Here a boss can set an expectation without necessarily criticizing, although it is an implied criticism. Still, I’d rather a boss ask, “How can I help you accomplish these tasks more efficiently,” than to say, “double your output or you’re outta here.”

I have always seen my job as a manager as a support person. My people do the work and it is my job to help them when they are stuck, no matter how they are stuck. Even though I tell them what to do, I work for them. I solve problems. Which is great for me because I’m good at it.

@Mariah Right, constructive criticism, that is what I was thinking when I answered. I agree with you, just pointing out the shit side, as you put it, is not received well by me either generally. Depending on what it is, I can usually brush it off, but it does nothing to help me usually, just risks. Aking me feel badly. I don’t need anyone to tell me I need to lose ten pounds. But, I have told people they are too thin, I think you were on my Q about that, and they are too tan. I do it out of a good place, wanting to help them, but I guess it does not feel that way to them. The too thin thing I don’t do often, and will likely do it less now, but the too tan thing, I think those people many times have no clue they tan too much, they might need to hear it ten times. Weight can be due to illness or medication, being too tan with obvious signs of extreme skin damage due to prolonged sun exposure is purposeful.

Information, not judgment. When we feel judged, we can’t hear shit. Information, if it is truly given in a nonjudgmental way, might help. Sometimes, just saying nothing leads to constructive change. People are remarkably perceptive, and if given a chance, will often learn how to do what is expected, so long as everyone else is supportive.

If folks would just get past the incessant, ridiculous need for the approval of others we would see criticism and praise become things of the past. This would be wonderful since both pose serious dangers in and of themselves.

I actually seek out ‘constructive’ criticism. Not in all realms of my life but say as a writer, I look for people to peer review my work. Similarly, as a teacher I want my peers to say ‘you could have improved that presentation by…’. That’s how I learn and improve. I don’t want people coming up uninvited and saying ‘that was shite’ but if they can give me pointers to how I can improve my work, bring it on!