What is the cure for those who are willing to ruin themselves to be accepted?

How would you define “ruin themselves”?

No doubt @gailcalled…

Perhaps the best “cure” is a good example from others.

Caring and intelligent parents.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies: No doubt what? What?

You can only hope they grow out of it.

@gailcalled “What”?

Define “ruin themselves”... that’s what.

i mean… what does that mean?
my father thinks i ruined myself for pursuing photography instead of computer science

@gailcalled @lillycoyote To take a job or career that one doesn’t want. Or to not leave a group when one is not welcome. Have a girlfriend when both of you do not like each other… submitting to peer pressure. Going to university when you don’t know what you want to take then failing out and having a large student loan.

@talljasperman, do you have any examples of what you are talking about? It is very common, it is human nature for many people to want to be accepted and to belong, at least to feel that they do. What’s constitutes “ruining” oneself in order to be accepted? Anything truly taken to an real extreme might be evidence of a mental illness or disorder but it is not necessarily true in all cases.

To add to your list @talljasperman: To give up their integrity to follow the crowd. To go into drugs or alcohol rather than be uncool. To give up their families to follow a religion.
They do it because they value other’s opinions more than their own. The cure is the opposite.

@talljasperman I don’t think those kind of things really indicate a mental illness, just a strong need to be accepted and to belong. In some people the need is just stronger than others. I think in some cases, the need to belong and to be accepted can so strong that it can become pathological and cause people to do things that are not good for them, are self-destructive and violate their own moral and ethical precepts. It can be very sad and frustrating to watch people do that.

I don’t think it’s a mental illness either, but more of an insecurity.

The mental illness is thinking you can change a teenager. Best to distance yourself and prepare yourself to help pick up the pieces.

The problem with this affliction is that you can’t see yourself. You live blind to what drives you.

I’m not sure what the answer is but this is a great question. I had a little conformist streak (or at least the wannabe kind) when I was a teen but not before that, and I realized shortly after getting out of high that if others like you for the wrong reasons than you’ve accomplished nothing meaningful to yourself.

I don’t have my own kid/s but my nephew is as close to being one as I’ve ever had and I always tell him not to do something if it doesn’t feel right or to modify what interests him because of how he wants to be perceived by others. I hope that these seeds stay planted when he becomes a teen himself (not far from now).