Would you stay with your partner if they became horribly disfigured in the face?

Of course!

Although she is quite the “hottie”, I didn’t marry her for her looks (if course, being quite the looker is an added bonus to her other more important attributes).

His name…clearly mentioned in the link…is Tyler Ziegel.

Second guessing our own behavior under stress or duress is very hard to too. We may hope to be noble, but who knows?

Yes, I would. We have been together more than 28 years, and it is not about how he looks to me.

Better a disfigured face than a disfigured mind. lol

These are the true tests of relationship, is it “real” love, or conditional?

It would be a huge adjustment, and, for some, it might be too much to handle, and one really cannot judge. But, as far as “love” goes, and the whole marriage vow mantra of “for better or for worse ”...well, most people really only sign up for the better, the richer and the healthier, sad, but true.

But what if you were together only a year? @YoBob, are you saying that the harsh disfigurements in the face cause you to still be sexually attracted?

I feel like I can still love someone but that doesn’t mean it won’t affect my attraction to them. Is that wrong? I feel like if they lose their legs sure I could deal, if they can’t have sex with me I could put up with it as long as they please me some way, or if they were going through cancer I could help and stick. But I’d say I want to stick with them if they had their face blown off but I honestly don’t know what I’d do. It doesn’t change my love but attraction and feelings is what I can’t really control

I don’t imagine it’s ever that simple. Someone who has sustained such disfigurement is going to be affected in so many more ways than simply having their appearance changed. If the injured person never gets beyond being angry or bitter, and taking it out on his/her partner, that may strain a relationship beyond redemption.

@chelle21689 – Alas, I can’t answer that as the question was whether we would stay with our partner if they became horribly disfigured. In my case I have been with my partner for more than two decades so the answer is an unqualified yes. I have no idea what the answer would be if we were only dating at the time of the accident.

It is important to note that a pretty high percentage of marriages fail within the first year for a variety of reasons. I think it an unjustified assumption that this one failed because of looks.

Okay, so a lot of people say they’d stay but honestly you think the relationship would work out? Their disfigurement wouldn’t make you lose physical attraction? Got to admit that it plays some part.

I think it’s easier if they became disfigured after many many years together but not for a shorter while.

I agree with @JilltheTooth

A partner who might be willing to cope initially could, potentially, be driven away if the disfigured person cannot cope, develops anger issues or addictions due to their trauma. It’s a huge mixed bag and the outcome could be different depending on circumstance.

Plenty of relationships fall apart for these reasons anyway, without any type of grave injuries.

But choosing to stay in a relationship is different than staying and feeling very attracted still

If disfigurement interferes with your sex life, just shut your eyes. He’s still there. I think couples married for more than 10 years or so would tend to stick together more than younger and shorter marriages. It definitely requires adjustment.

The question isn’t this simple. A person who underwent the trauma of having his/her face blown off is likely to be affected emotionally by said trauma. There is likely to be some PTSD if the injury happened in a war zone.The trauma of a car accident can fundamentally change people. Then there’s the injured persons emotional reaction to being disfigured. There is likely going to be anger, self-pity, resentment, fear of going out. The fact is the injured person not only looks different, but acts differently, and possibly sees the world differently. Your fun-loving, easy-going, social partner is going to change after the first child points and says “what’s wrong with that persons face?”

Well, as a general rule, I try not to say what I would do in a situation until it actually happens, because in reality we all might feel differently than we think we would when the situation actually occurs.

But, as of right now, and with my current girlfriend in mind, no, I don’t think I would leave her. I’ve always been someone who tries not to judge by outward appearances, because we cannot choose what we look like. The person I am currently with makes me feel different than anyone I’ve been with since my first love, and she even makes me feel more positively than that about our relationship; it’s the first time that I am confident that my girlfriend loves me just as much as I love her. It’s the first time I feel confident that my girlfriend is never in a million years going to cheat on me. It’s the first time that I am treated right 97% of the time by the person I am with.

I think it would take a whole lot of fucked up actions, not appearances, no make me want to leave this one.

Yes, but, that depends greatly on how he reacts mentally and emotionally. I would expect anyone to struggle with such a devastating change in their life, but, I can’t be with someone that is going to mope and sulk and refuse to live.
Pretty much exactly what @GladysMensch and @JillTheTooth said.

@stemnyones How long have you been with this girl?

My father had 3rd degree burns on 80% of his body. He lost 1 ear, and his face was rebuilt with the skin from his stomach. It was the 50’s, and plastic surgery wasn’t the best. The kids at school called my dad matchstick, I got in a lot of fights.

He met my mom 10 years after the accident, and they were married for 30 years till he passed.

Its about the kind of people involved.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought: What a reassuring and heartening story.

@Imadethisupwithnoforethought : Yay for your Dad and Mom! I love to hear stuff like that.

GA @Imadethisupwithnoforethought!

FWIW, one of our close family friends when I was growing up was badly disfigured in a plane crash with burns over most of his face. Didn’t seem to effect his family life at all, nor his social life.

Maybe it isn’t the disfigurement, but that maybe the person disfigured has so many issues that his personality has changed and maybe he has anger issues. I think I would. No one really knows what they would do until put in that situation. I would hope that I would be a better person than to ditch a loved one whose looks were changed.

My partner, when we first met, had severe acne scarring on his face. After the first 5 minutes of meeting him, I didn’t really notice it that much, he had (has) a beautiful smile and a beautiful soul. We have been together for 15 years and still going strong…

Of course I would, he’s still my lover and my best friend. As long as the accident doesn’t turn him into a deranged psychopath or a morbidly depressed nutjob who can’t be around the kids…

As long as we coped with the tragedy well enough that it didn’t drive us apart, I’d stay. I love more than just his looks and I’m attracted to more than just his face.

I’d like to think I’d be fine with it. I know it’d be easier to deal with a disfigured face than a severe mental dysfunction. I honestly don’t think I’d be strong enough to handle that.

Of course, none of us ever know what we’ll do until we find ourselves in such a situation.

She’s put up with me slowly turning into a bald, fat drunk over the last twenty years. I think I can work around the face thing.

she’ll still be able to give head, right?

I like to think I would. I truly believe more women would than men though.

Okay, I thought so, until I remembered coming home from work to see my wife in a halloween costume, dressed as a witch. She did her own make-up, and when I saw her I was looking for the door. I couldn’t believe she was able to look that way. (My wife is very pretty, and this was quite the transformation). I like to think I am more mature now, but I hope not to be tested.

@Neizvestnaya . . . Incendiary, baseless, and utter bullshit remark.

I don’t believe that whether or not one chooses to stay with their spouse is based on the contents of their pants. I believe it is based on the content of their character.

@Blondesjon: Too bad I don’t keep exact numbers. I can say this- for 11 years now I’ve worked in car dealerships where the majority of co workers have been males. In that time, whatever ideals I had in teens and 20’s have been crushed, thrown out and re worked. What I’ve learned to my surprise, disappointment and fears realized is that more men than I ever thought are very shallow when it comes to a woman’s physicality. What they tell their wives, gf’s, and what they believe to be “right” is not usually what they act on or can stand by. Sorry, just the view from inside my particular fishbowl, no need to be a dick to me about it.

@Neizvestnaya . . . Dick? Based on the view from your fishbowl, I’m just being a guy.

And, for the record, even though I am an enormous dick, I am not a car dealership dick.

they have their own newsletter and everything . . .

@Blondesjon: DOH! I did overlook your flair.

@Blondesjon

I agree with @Neizvestnaya MOST not all women are far more accepting and forgiving of a mans flaws. It’s part of our conditioning, and not part of the vast majority of men, especially in the boomer crowd.
Quite frankly, bald is a non-issue, but a drunk….hit the road jack.

I’ll take disfigured over emotionally stunted drunk any day of the week.

It will either drive you apart or drive you closer together.

If you truly cared for this person, then you would stay with this person. It’s a cop out answer to say, “well it depends on how they handle it emotionally.” Of course it is going to be friggin hard and very emotionaly for both people. That is what a partner is there for to help each other with, to support each other with.
The emotional change happens everyday with people. It does not have to be that traumatic. As a couple you work through the changes.
Think of what happens everyday when a person is diagnosed with some kind of cancer or something else traumatic. There life is not the same from that day forward. How their partner reacts to it is very telling of the depth with which they care.

My answer is yes.

A lot of people are saying yes but what if you stay because you feel it is wrong to leave them and your attraction has changed? Then what???

To be very honest, I don’t know.. It depends on the relationship I have with that person, if I really treasure them. But I haven’t found that person yet.

@Coloma . . . Emotionally stunted drunk as opposed to drug user?

You can ride that feminist high horse all you like. Most men are actually a lot deeper than you give them credit for. I find it very insulting, as a man, that all of us have to take the heat for the few bad ones you all picked.

I don’t see myself ever leaving a boyfriend or a husband for simply having a disfigured face. If I wouldn’t stay with a man if that happened to him, then I don’t think it would be fair for me to start a relationship with him to begin with.

@chelle21689 I wouldn’t stay just because I felt it was wrong to leave. I would stay because I want to stay and because our relationship is no adversely affected by the disfigurement. If our relationship was adversely affected enough that I felt that I needed to leave, I would leave. To me, disfigurement alone would not be reason enough to leave. It’s not about feeling like it’s wrong to leave, it’s because I wouldn’t want to leave.

For better or for worse.
How quickly those words seem to be forgotten or are encountered by some unspoken disclaimer.

^ Well said, @blueiiznh.

I agree @blueiiznh, but if my husband started treating me badly, whether he looked like Hugh Jackman or the hunchback of Notre Dame, he is gone. And, of course, only after trying to work things out.

@chyna agreed, but I answered with the question as it stands alone.

OK, let me ask this question with a little twist and see if you answer changes:
Would you stay and be supportive if your child became horribly disfigured in the face?

Yes without a doubt @blueiiznh. Who else would take care of the child?

Well, @blueiiznh , it’s not like the relationships are even remotely comparable. Apples and sofas, fella, apples and sofas.

@JilltheTooth I did not say they were the same. I stated it was a twist.

True love transcends beyond looks. Some ppl who are disfigured are actually better to love, a great example of that is J.R Martinez his attitude is infectious. Nothing could stop me from loving the person im supposed to be with, my husband before he passed had flesh eating virus, he survived and no it was not his handsome face but his leg & buttock were disfigured from where they had to cut out the infection so it would stop spreading…I loved him mor for having the will to survive that courage is a trait I feel is easier to love than a persons body. Some good looking ppl can have a shitty attitude. Ppl all about looks are vain. Vanity to me is not love.