Ladies (and I guess guys), how do you feel about NON-diamond engagement rings?

The ring is not and never has been especially important to me. That includes the stone (or lack of stones).

For people who like rings, any choice is the right choice.

The concept of the “engagement” ring has changed so much in recent years. It used to represent an investment that the woman could fall back on if she was jilted, kind of a “contract penalty” if you will. Now it tends to represent the commitment itself, the feelings of the parties for each other. I personally would rather have something that means something. Jade in a yellow gold setting, cuz I think that’s pretty and warm.

If a dude bought me a diamond I’d feel like he wasted his (our) money. I’d probably rather have no ring.

I have never liked diamonds or gold. When my husband was considering rings, he asked for my preferences. I was clear that I wanted something silvery (I didn’t care what the metal was, just that it was that color). For stones, I did some research and ended up liking sapphire best. It had always been my preference for color, but in my research I also found out that it was hard enough for me not to damage it. He got me a beautiful sapphire ring set in palladium. Now that we are married, it serves as my wedding ring since I didn’t want another one.

@bobbinhood, gorgeous!

@nikipedia Thanks! Here’s an even better picture. It has both of our rings together. I think his is stainless steel. We got a cheap one since he tends to lose rings, but so far he’s kept track of it.

@bobbinhood I like it too.

I work with precious metals at work a lot, palladium is way up there… lol

@tedd Really? I didn’t realize that. He was determined to get me something really nice. I wouldn’t have minded something cheap and fake as long as it was pretty, but he wasn’t ok with that. I’m not sure why, but it was really important to him to give me a very good ring. I’m grateful for the gift and the care he took in having it made. But I think I’m derailing your thread…

I prefer stones with color to diamonds. I love aquamarines, but not the heat-treated ones.

Any ring is fine as long as both people are happy with it. No ring is ok too.

Personally, I am not keen on engagement rings with other stones besides diamonds, but I am competely fine with no ring at all. When I got engaged it was important to my husband I wear something so I got a zirconia. I didn’t want a real diamond I didn’t love, and I didn’t want to spend money we didn’t have. We did get matching bands, two golds intertwined, no stones. I like the old superstition that stones in a wedding band represent a bumpy road in the marriage, so I went for a little windy, but not bumpy.

After being married about 10 years he bought me a gold ring with many little diamonds that I absolutely love! I picked it just looking down at a jewelry case one day, and he bought it on the spot. Is it a wedding band? I don’t know, but it is a ring I wear from my husband. I still think of my original band as my wedding band, and I don’t really wear an engagement ring I guess. I do have my great grandmothers engagement ring now, that very much looks like an engagement ring, but I don’t consider it my engagement ring.

You know, I think it’s all backward. They give a beautiful, expensive diamond ring as a “promise” of things to come, and when the thing DOES come they seal it with a much more plain band. It’s like making a big ole’ promise, then not really following through.

Ah…I like my diamond! It’s pretty and it twinkles! Since it’s the only piece of jewelery I wear, it’s nice to look at.

I’ve never cared for diamonds, or rings for that matter. I quit wearing my wedding ring years ago divorced now after getting pregnant and my fingers swelling towards the end. Never put it back on again. haha

My original wedding band was a simple gold band with an etched design, I didn’t want a diamond.

Right..it’s all personal preference but if the emphasis is on how expensive or cool the ring is as an ego prop, or you see it as some sort of proof of the persons love by going into debt over a wedding ring, time to rethink your screwed up beliefs.

I have a diamond ring, I love it. I also have a bespoke wedding ring though and I think I would have done that for my engagement ring too. It would have actually saved us a lot of money and I (while I love my ring) would have had something very unique.

However, the answers before mine demonstrate how individual we are though. If you want to get engaged and to buy your lady a ring, you need to talk to her about what she likes. Does she actually want a ring? Does she agree with you about diamonds? Does she have a favourite gemstone? You want to get her something to mark the occasion that represents both your love for her and fits with her personality and likes.

My ex husband and I were jewelers, have GIA educations, our studio for near a decade and so yeah, we know diamonds aren’t that rare. Exceptional quality clear ones are rare though and make great wedding jewelry because the stone goes with everything, is most durable and reflects so much light.

Most sapphires & rubies are treated to enhance the color and genuine unadulterated emeralds in gem quality are more expensive than diamonds. Be careful what you ask for, especially if you think you’ll be spending less money.

Meh.

That about sums up what I think about most jewelry.

It is pretty much a given, the ring I give my fiancée will have an Emerald as the main stone, even if diamonds accent the ring.

@Hypocrisy_Central, you might want to consider a tsavarite instead of emerald. Emerald is super-soft, not very shiny, and breaks easily.

Makes it look less bandwagon, so it’s cool that it’s different.

My grandmother’s engagement ring was a ruby. Mine was/is two dark green emeralds and a small row of diamonds in a fish hook shape that set up an oval shaped black opal. A friend made it for us. My husband’s ring was just as beautiful and unusual. Opals are fragile stones, so he backed each opal to a piece of formica. Both rings are durable and beautiful, but the prongs are worn down on my emeralds, so it’s in a safe now.

Oh, and I was married 34 years ago.

just to clarify…. i most definitely am NOT in the market for a ring myself right now…. I was just curious to see what other people thought on the topic.

I can’t stand diamonds, personally. I think they look cold and uninviting.

My engagement ring (and now my wedding ring) is a white gold Claddagh ring with a single, heart-shaped, natural emerald set inside, and no other stones. The emerald itself has a long crack running down the middle within the stone. I absolutely love that “flaw”.

When we got married, I simply turned the ring so the heart faced the inside of my hand, instead of the crown. Ta-da.

this is what I actually had a dream about a guy proposing to me with. A silver ring with an aquamarine stone.

The engagement ring that my husband gave me was a $10 silver plain band. It could have been from a gumball machine, for all I care. It meant I got to marry him.

My best friend proposed to his lady with a Yogo mine sapphire (Montana) that is absolutely stunning. No treatment for color and no questionable human rights issues over labor.

I’m perfectly fine with a non-diamond ring.

I wanted an engagement ring with a large pearl, but I never mentioned it to the man I married. He showed up with a gorgeous diamond ring in a white gold setting. I loved it. He chose it himself. I thought it would be better if I didn’t wear it until we were married because we worked with the same children at school, but when I put it on, I couldn’t take it off. We had to tell the kids. They were delighted.

I tried checking out non-diamond engagement rings but ended up planning to get one from Tiffany’s, after I finish raising the money. Call me unoriginal, boring and a sucker but I really dig that sparkling white rock and all the manipulative marketing targeted towards guys like me.

It also happened that my SO prefers a diamond. To her, it doesn’t have to be from Tiffany’s, natural or man made, cheap or expensive. She just want it to be a diamond. And I do as well. So the plan is to go on a weekend trip to NYC, find a way to sneak into Tiffany’s without her knowing and then bring her in later pretending I just want to browse.

Hoping for a “priceless” moment to happen right there. She’s been waiting for years.

@mazingerz88 :):)

I have to commend a co worker of mine who goosed his girl enough to learn what shape of diamonds she liked then went out and bought her one set as a simple solitaire they can design however she likes later to become a wedding set.

If you find a woman who doesn’t desperately want a big fancy rock to adorn her finger, keep hold of her….

I’ve yet to understand the obsession with a giant, useless, shiny thing that provides no other service but a status boost amongst other women.

@digitalimpression: Men like pretty shiny things too. I’ve had a ton of compliments on my wedding set from men.

Well, unlike the majority of people here, I love jewelry.. It’s my thing. I collect them, different kinds from different countries, eras, etc.

It does not have to cost a million dollars, It just has to be special from my beloved. I actually like diamonds like a lot of you have mentioned that you don’t lol.

Except I’m more aware now of the cause and effect it has with Africa and the whole blood diamond thing. Used to profit guns for the wars. I now buy jewelry that is “no conflict”.

I’d prefer a non-diamond engagement ring. But I didn’t get an engagement ring..it doesn’t suit me or our relationship to have gotten one.

@digitalimpression – I love jewelry and diamonds, I love small diamonds, big diamonds, little diamonds, all jewelry. I can understand what you are explaining since I live in Hollywood, California which is the LAND of the superficial :)

I see it differently though. It makes me feel beautiful and like a goddess.

I wouldn’t mind if mine was a diamond ring or not. Just as long as it’s pretty and meaningful to the both of us.

Neither of us wanted anything more complicated than a band. We had a jeweller friend cast us a coordinated set and we still like ‘em.

Note that the popularity of diamonds as a wedding/engagement stone is a result of heavy campaigning in the past several decades by the few companies who control the supply of all the natural diamond stones. DeBeers in particular have jammed this idea into our minds. I.e. it’s not a real tradition for any meaningful reason.

However if you like diamonds, more power to you, enjoy!

I think it is entirely up to the giver and the receiver. I’m not a big jewelry person. The pieces I do have are beautiful and sentimental. I love the look of a diamond ring. There is something very special about that sparkle.

Diamond bores the hell out of me. Actually, I’m not really a fan of precious stones cut in perfect little faceted shapes in general. I like a more natural look.

I would take abalone or blue goldstone or labradorite over diamond any day.

Oh also, I prefer silver to gold.

If I’m going to be picky I’d go with a birthstone. I never had an engagement ring (I actually proposed by saying “let’s get married April 4th!”). We bought the cheapest gold wedding bands we could find and got married. I haven’t worn my wedding ring for many years now and my husband doesn’t wear his because he was injured at work and it had to be cut off his hand. I now wear a ring he bought me for Christmas that has birthstones for each of our children.

So….. I’d go with a platinum or silver ring with a garnet. If I could travel back in time and I was going to be picky.

@Neizvestnaya Of course they compliment you on it. What man would not? It’s not because they actually like it. It’s because they know you like it. Geesh, it’s like pscyh 101 up in here.

I like white gold. Or something plain, and not too flashy. I wouldn’t mind a diamond, but it depends on our budget.

I ( a man) don’t really think it’s that important to have a diamond ring, Maybe years ago , but at these crucial times you should spend those thousands else where.What I do not like about diamonds is that there primarily found by poor en-slaved kids and workers around the world.I wouldn’t feel right having my wife wear such product.I despise that.They are also priced too high for what they really are. I view diamonds as a motivation , after all diamonds are just rocks that did well under pressure and came out shining :)

*Hence my image.

I am very traditional, so I prefer a diamond. However, I could see using a different stone if it was something spectacular. Having said that, I also think it should be what the girl wants.

@rts486 Sorry diamonds aren’t traditional, that idea has been drilled into our culture by DeBeers advertising. They’re about as traditional as Secretary’s Day (a Hallmark invention).

However I totally agree with “it should be what the girl wants.” at least because she’ll be wearing it for a long time hopefully and she should be happy with it.

@digitalimpression “If you find a woman who doesn’t desperately want a big fancy rock to adorn her finger, keep hold of her….”

I’m sorry, but this is just insulting. I know the media gender stereotypes a lot, but did you not read the majority of this thread? I can’t see many women “desperately wanting big, fancy diamonds”...

Just sayin’, I wouldn’t say something like this about a man. It’s just silly.

If your comment was tongue-in-cheek, then apologies.

I never had and wasn’t particularly interested in a wedding ring. If I were to have one, I would definitely rather have another stone than a diamond, I find them boring.

@Keep_on_running @digitalimpression Ironic that my husband was the one who felt strongly I should have a diamond ring, I didn’t care. To this day he likes me to wear nice jewelry, makes him feel proud he can afford it or something? He also appreciates the beauty of the item I guess. He is the big spender in the family; watches, Porsches, big house, etc.

My first engagement ring was a tiny gold one with an “illusion” setting (basically diamond dust made to look like a diamond). I preferred silver, and didn’t care about diamonds, but I loved it, because it came from him. (We broke up before we got married.)

My second engagement ring was a ¼ ct. round solitaire in a simple gold band. He really wanted gold and a big diamond, but I insisted on a small one. I loved it, because it came from him. (We divorced after 17 years of marriage.)

My third engagement ring is non-existant, as we just went with unique silver wedding bands (which I can no longer wear due to metal allergy.) I love them, and I love him.

If I was picking again, and didn’t have the metal allergy to deal with, I’d want something silver colored and unique, preferably without a diamond as the centerpiece. Peridot (my birthstone) would be good.

@dabbler You’re probably right, but at this point almost every engaged/married girl I’ve every met has a diamond ring, so I would call that traditional. I agree it’s all to the benefit of the diamond industry.

@digitalimpression: The men who have complimented me on my rings are the same who don’t notice a new haircut, me being absent from the building for days, that sort of thing. I swear, it’s the shinyness they notice, nothing about me. Oh, it got a whole lot more attention when I showed up with a tan- had been wearing it for two weeks already.

@Keep_on_running Everything I say is tongue-in-cheek. However, tongue out of cheek.. I despise the materialistic aspect of a woman (whoever it may be) who wants the biggest, bestest rock in town. It’s just a rock. Makes no sense to me. If the shoe fits…

I have to say @digitalimpression, I have thankfully not seen one post here that supports the idea that many women do want the biggest, bestest rock in a ring. Most people have said the opposite and there are some really touching stories about the rings/or symbols people have of when they committed to their partner. Hopefully, those materialistic women (and men) are few and far between.

I do know a woman who insisted on a diamond, and that the “right” amount to spend on the engagement ring was $5000.00. A young couple, with not much money, too. I was appalled. This same woman insisted on a “push gift” when she gave birth, too. Blech.

Far out. Craziness hey?

@augustlan A push gift?! I never heard of such a thing. Good God. The husband is a mess also if he goes along with spending money they don’t have.

@JLeslie Apparently, push gifts are the new thing. I think it’s ridiculous.

@augustlan I have given my girlfriends gifts for them when they have their babies (I get the baby a gift at the shower) but what type of gift are we talking? I buy them parenting magazines to flip through, and a gel mask for their eyes, maybe some yummy smelling hand lotion. You know a bunch of girly things.

@JLeslie In their group of friends the push present is typically jewelry, from the new father to the new mother.

@augustlan I don’t know, that has a yucky feel to me. I can’t imagine being focused on wanting a new piece of jewelry when I just had my new baby.

Me, too. It seems so materialistic, and to me, devalues the beauty of the event itself.

There was a question here on Fluther about push gifts a few months ago. I think someone thought they were particularly common in the UK. As I recall the consensus after that discussion was that they aren’t especially popular there. I have known people get rings (say eternity rings) after giving birth. I didn’t. My healthy bubs were quite sufficient reward for me.

If I ever have a baby and demand a “push gift,” I’m sure Mr. Laureth will demand a “spooge gift” in return. :P

I’ve never heard of a “push gift” although I’m familiar with husbands gifting their wives after a healthy birth as part of a greater celebration. Up until the 20th century when hospital births became the norm, it wasn’t uncommon for women to die in childbirth and the babies too. A successful birth with the lives of all intact was a celebration. I know in our families which were poorer pioneer prairie peoples, the men gave the wives gifts, usually something to make them more comfortable when they were again up and about like a new coat, rugs for a room, fabrics for sewing. That sort of thing.

All the insulted ladies can send their diamonds, furs, cars and pre-paid spa visits to me, I’m not above it.

@Neizvestnaya Only for healthy births? That kind of has a ick factor for me too. The woman goes through the same torture for all births, an unhealthy birth can be even worse, with more complications. I realize the mood might not be celebratory if there is a bad outcome, but really there is just something about it that rubs me the wrong way.

@JLeslie: Complicated births didn’t get gifts per se but in a way, among poor people, they kind of got a lot more that was helpful. Other families would cook, clean, watch children, nurse/tend the sick, help with animals, pitch in money or goods for a doctor to visit.

What may rub you the wrong way is if modern women are making wishlists of gifts they expect as if a birth is a holiday. At least in decades past for my own families, people didn’t often expect outside their needs and a woman who wanted stuff would have been looked on as not a good catch, not a gamble for running a household. A woman like that would have been an embarrassment to her own parents, her in-laws, her husband and other children if any.

I think this is why women in my modern family have had so few kids and not married as readily. The expectations on the men seemed so many less.

@Neizvestnaya I have to think about it all. Girly gifts from my girlfriends I would welcome, but a gift from my husband just seems so odd to me. My situation of course is very different than poor women in the pioneering days. I also am not like the majority of people I think when it comes to gifts. I tend to like gifts best when nothing special has happened, when someone thought of me just because they love me, or because they saw something in a store they just knew I would appreciate. I would appreciate a nursemaid for two weeks probably. My grandma had one for two weeks when she had each child. Someone to help with the baby, do laundry, some light cleaning. But, that to me is not a gift, it is a decision we both would make. Getting a new coat or new rug, I just feel like, what? I wasn’t worth it before I pushed out a baby for you? Maybe if I had children I would feel differently. I do think it is great when the family and community come together to help new couples and new families. The tradition is a good one. Showers to get them started with what they need. Sometimes I think wedding showers are overkill since they already get gifts for the wedding itself, but that is a different conversation. Maybe I’ll do a Q about it.