When court ordered child support ends, what do most people do after if the kids don't want to go to college?

Tell them that, at 18, they must support themselves. That means get a job, go into the military (same as getting a job) or go to school.

You are no longer financially responsible for them, and their mother should not be either.

I would offer to supplement their rent a bit when they get a job. (maybe even if that means paying rent to mom.) It is very kind of you to think about their mother, but really, she needs to think about herself.

If they have no plans at all after High School, then it’s time for them to get out and FIND some plans.

Here’s what I’ve come up with but they aren’t interested. I need more ideas because my husband has none except worry and panic.

Peace Corps- no takers
Volunteering for Habitat for Humanity- no takers
Nursing school- no takers

The current ambition is to work p/t at Sonic and treat their local community college as an extension of high school but with more partying.~

@Neizvestnaya I hate to tell you this, but it’s almost completely out of your hands now. It’s one of the hardest things to do, but you have to learn to step back and watch them make their own decisions, and suffer their own consequences. Above all, you don’t want to remove the consequences although it is so very tempting, and easy, to do. Don’t enable them by letting them stay at home and contribute nothing.

You can’t come up with ideas. They have to. If that is what they want to do with their lives, that is what they will do. You providing money only enables their lifestyle choices.

Give them a time limit. Say if they decide to go to school or they want to train for a job, you will help them within the next year. After that, too bad.

They are still children. I never understood why folks treat everyone in their late teenage years like kids yet expect them to think like adults.
You are the adult, you are their parents. You direct them and you push them in to the direction you think is best.
If they are truly set on community college and p/t work at Sonic them so be it. At least there is still some school in there. Would you rather they just work full time at Sonic and forget about school?
I would offer to contribute as long as they are in school but if they decide to not be in school, then don’t support that choice and let them know why.

@marinelife: That seems more than fair. It would provide enough fire under the butt for them to pay attention to what we can come up for them to look into. Their mom hasn’t the income to keep them provided for without the child support money. I have an even smaller income so it’s all on my husband right now. I don’t stand to lose anything financially but my concern is having a less stressed husband. Maybe it just doesn’t work that way.

Whatever else you do or don’t do, paying for their car insurance rather than having them do it is just disaster waiting to happen.

If they have no financial stake in keeping a responsible driving record, it makes it that much more tempting for the carelessnes of speeding or the like. Or, God forbid, the rationalization of “just this once” getting behind the wheel after drinking.

The sooner they are faced with the reality of consequences for careless or stupid driving the better for them (and you).

If the privilege of driving is costing them real money, it will be far more likely that they’ll treat it with the respect and seriousness it deserves. They will be invested. And that usually makes a BIG difference in attitude on a daily basis.

If they want to go to community college, pay for their tuition and books as long as they get a grade point average that you find acceptable. Otherwise, let them face toe consiquences of their choices.

What I suggest doing is having the whole family sit down and discuss with the now adult kids about a gradual adding of paying rent to mom. The need for a job and that the rent will gradually go up the longer they live there. Start off small like $50 per month the after 6mths it will jump to $100 per month and go up from there. Let them know that eventually they will also need to start to become responsible for feeding themselves. If you are the one currently paying child support I would suggest offering to mom assistance until they start supporting themselves to a more adaquate amount that she isn’t doing it all alone. But discuss with her about the fact that as they pay more you will pay less untill you no longer are paying for the kids. This will teach them more responsibility of supporting themselves in the real world where to live on your own is expensive fact of life especially without a college education to fall back on.

Good Luck!!!

If they aren’t planning to go to college right now or join the military, they need to get a job and support themselves. I’m sorry if it sounds blunt or rude, but that’s just my take on reality. I got a part-time job when I was 16 to pay for the insurance on my car. When I graduated high school, I got a full time job that paid better and began taking care of my own responsibilities. Mommy and Daddy should not be expected to pay for things that young adults should be learning to take care of.

@Buttonstc: I’m in complete agreement for kids to pay their own car insurances and want to press my husband to see the incentive for them to in this, thanks.

@Judi: Good idea about setting a GPA bar, I’m adding that too.

@creative1: We want to come up with something we can discuss with the mom first and all agree too so she can go one one with the kids at her house and we can back her up and then my husband talk to the kids at our house about his part. Same thing kinda but I think this way will give the mom more sway since they will be under her roof and try to work her more.

@WillWorkForChocolate: I also worked f/t since I was a teen, even supported my mother and sister for awhile but it did make me feel so different and far away from peers who went on to college or training. I felt diverted and left out even though I it was all I could have done. I’d hate to see that happen to his kids. He and his wife were teen parents and I know they have a lot of fears of the kids not getting extra pushes, extra help. We just want to keep the extra from becoming entitlement.

On their 18th birthdays, my brother-in-law took each of his kids to the front door, and told them that they were welcome to continue living here, but they have to play by his rules.
I adapted that, and told each of my kids that they can either continue school, or go to work, but that they could not just be idle, playing video games and watching movies.

@judochop I understand what you’re saying. I didn’t mean to imply that you just wash your hands of them. I meant that all you can do now is suggest. You can’t control what their choices will actually be any more.

@judochop: We didn’t want them to work at all but to go to college or trade school instead. Up until a few months ago, one was excited to be going into the Marines and the other off to college on full scholarship. We are caught off guard right now.

@filmfann: That part about rules will happen on their 18th birthdays, no problem. What is a problem is we aren’t the most resourceful couple to steer these kids. We each work jobs the kids look down on and we haven’t researched what’s out there that could really get their interest enough to accept advice, support or steerage from others.

@Neizvestnaya The real world might change their minds back pretty quickly! And teach them to respect what you do to survive, as well.

@Dutchess_III: I hope so. I’m thinking the first 6 mos. out of high school will be good for all us to get to know each other and be a bit more involved than as just “them and us, adults and kids.”

I’m thinking we can buy a car for the two oldest to share based on a 6months at a time trial of behavior. We’ll ask them to pay ¾ of the insurance premium and offer for us to pay more when at renewal time they show they’ve been responsible.

Junior college maybe we can treat the same, expect a minimum of units and a minimum GPA in order to retain car privileges. The other kid really needs outside help to find something that will interest him to learn… that will actually help him out down the line. Maybe we can use the car privileges to get him to try some things other than Sonic.

I know some kids have strong ideas of what they want to study and they just jump in there but these kids aren’t like that and I would feel unfair to just turn them loose and say, “go find your passion.” They’ll just go where it feels safe and familiar instead which is surrounded by people with little to offer.

Glad you’re so involved with them, and can help them out like that!

@Dutchess_III: The problem is we are not involved with them much. They live 1½ hrs outside of the major metropolis and unless my husband goes to pick them up and bring them to our house, he can only see them a few hours if he gets off work early enough. The kids accept this and have basically grown to not expect much aside from a weekly visit. We’re trying to move again soon, closer to them.

@Neizvestnaya Ahh, I can totally see your point.

I left school at 16. When I chose to leave education my mother was no longer entitled to support from the government for me so I had to pay rent. I don’t think that is unreasonable at all.

@Leanne1986: The law where we live says 18yrs old and graduated from high school. I think there’s an age limit if they don’t graduate, are older than 18 and are pursuing a GED but I don’t think we’ll be facing that. This is for child support only, nothing to do with govt. aid which I don’t think their mom qualifies for.