How can you send a Christmas card to a friend without their address?

We can’t answer that. She can and has. Our opinion of you is irrelevant.

If you understand and respect her privacy, then you must do just that, no matter how trustworthy a soul (sic) you are.

Send her an ecard. http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/

First, you can create an e-card and send her the link via PM. Second, you know a lot more about how trustworthy you are than any of us can. It is not unwise to keep one’s personal information to oneself online.

There is no “wrong” or “right” here. If she chooses to maintain her privacy, if you are her friend, you will respect that, without trying to guilt her with this Q. Poor form, John, poor form.

You might not be good ol’ John. You might be weird John presenting himself as the John we think you are here. If I asked you should I give my address to someone I have been communicating with on the internet, what would your advice be to me? He seems so nice John! I am sure it will be fine…

She is cautious. She may also want to protect her anonymity. She has as @gailcalled said made her position clear. Can you send her an electronic Christmas card?

I guess I just deserve a kick in the shingles for even asking this question.

Bellatrix, I see and understand your point oh too well. But, if I have to truly prove myself, I can give you website to go to see me many years ago, that only four people know about.

@john65pennington: You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone, but neither can you fault her for being cautious, can you?

No, I would never fault her and I respect this. I just hate the thought that she knows all about me, but will not reverse the information.

Thats okay, I will try to send her an ecard for Christmas. Thanks for the idea.

Yes, but John, you offered the info about you. I know it’s frustrating, but think of this from a cop’s perspective…she may have very good reasons for keeping a lot of info to herself. Keeping things secret may be literally saving her life. I used to work in a battered womens shelter, I tend to suspect the worst…

@JilltheTooth Exactly. I had second thoughts about giving out even my first name for my Fluther interview. I’ve told exactly one person online who I am.

I am not as cautious as @SavoirFaire (mostly because of carelessness than from a planned perspective) but I absolutely get and agree with his point.

@john65pennington, you seem perfectly trustworthy to me and I am sure you do to her too. However, as @JilltheTooth said, she may have many reasons for being so careful. It probably has nothing to do with you personally.

It is nice you want to be such a good friend.

Jill, you are correct.

It may have more to do with her private conversations and public posts. I, like everyone here and wish from time to time, that I could get to know people on here in person but I realize that it would mean that it is possible that anyone here may be connected with people I personally know. People whom I may have detailed about there lives. I know the chance of that is slim but stranger things have happened. That is even why I won’t post my real picture on here. It may cause complications with other people. It would also make me be less candid. In everyday life you have to sometime pull back the punches but on here I can be 100 percent the real me.
I think my husband is the only person who has ever seen all the sides of me outside of fluther.

If you have her real name and city, you can probably get her address, but I assume you tried that already? Thing is, if you get her address after she refused to give it, then it might freak her out. If her name is rare and you know her city you can try to mail it without a street address and it might very well get ro her. Especially if the zip code gets to the right main post office. The post office used to be good about making every effort to deliver a letter, I am not sure how it is now, they might bounce it back to the return address.

Ecard sounds good to me, although there are a lot of warnings not to open ecards because they can have viruses so she may never open it.