How do you know what you deserve?

Good question @AnonymousGirl. I hope my answer does it justice.

I have used the word ‘deserved’ in this context myself but I think ‘knowing’ what you deserve comes from having a clear sense of your own value. A respect for yourself. When I have used that phrase it has often been when someone is accepting treatment that demeans and devalues them. I think we all have value. We all have the right to live life without abuse and demeaning treatment. Along the way though, some of us forget this. We may end up in relationships that do not elevate our own self of worth. We end up in situations that diminish it.

How do you know your own self of worth is difficult to quantify. One way I have done this in my own life is to think back on my father’s hopes and fears for me (my father could be replaced with any person who sees the light in you. Who sees how precious you are as an individual). My dad saw my worth. If I fail to see that worth in myself, I sort of let him down. If I let people treat me like crap, I devalue the trust and faith he had in me. He saw in me the potential to do anything.

I don’t know if I am making any sense. I hope so. I truly believe we all have a story to write in life. I want my story to be a positive, feel good story that influences other people in a good way. I can only do that if I believe in myself. I deserve to have a great story.

Simple. Whatever happens, you deserve worse.

“However mean your life is, meet it and live it, do not shun it and call it hard names, it’s not so bad as you are.” – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

I believe one knows what they deserve when they can truly think with a clear mind, no matter what others say differently. When you can be detached from yourself and look into yourself with no prior judgement of who you are nor what you’ve done. But you must remember that once you can do this, this… reflection, this look into yourself needs to be daily as at some point you won’t be that person who deserved better or worse. Thus, the person I am now deserves to become and be treated as a Pariah. Maybe tomorrow will be different, chances are slim that this will change in the next decade, but it may.

I know I deserve something when I worked hard for it. And if someone else benefits from my achieving of this something which I deemed I deserved, well, so much the better. : )

“You deserve better” isn’t really about what you’ve done (or not done) to deserve better. It’s more about inherent worth. We all have it, but some of us let others convince us otherwise.

You know what you deserve, because you know what anyone (others) deserve.

If something is happening to you that you would hate to see happen to someone else, you know that “don’t deserve” to have that happen or that “you deserve better” treatment.

So if you step outside your situation and imaging it happening to a friend and you feel like the friend does not deserve what is happening to them, then you don’t wither. It is easier to step outside the trees (the situation) and make a decision if you can imagine it happening to someone else.

There are things that everyone deserves. Dignity is the first one that comes to mind and usually the first one abused.
In a relationship, you deserve an opinion, you deserve physical safety, you deserve consideration and respect…..... All these things go both ways.
In my first marriage I put up with a lot of abuse. I would look at people who were not married and had no children and thought, “You’re not even married to the guy, why don’t you just walk away instead of putting up with that crap?
After my first husband died, I determined to waste no time in a relationship where a man would use mean and hateful words towards me, or demean me in any way.
After 21 years of being married to my second husband, I can honestly say that our disagreements have all been very civil, and he still adores and respects me like he did when we were dating. Yelling and screaming does NOT just go with the territory in a relationship. It is not necessary if you are with someone who you respect and who respects you.

If life were fair, we’d be living in Darfur and starving.

Amen sista @gailcalled !

When people say those things to you it’s because they likely see in your character and by your deeds and intentions a you that would be made happy and enriched by the same treatment in return.

I have long embraced self-hatred. I deserve nothing, except Hells flames.
I am the least presumptuous and most unassuming person you’ll ever meet.

I agree with @filmfann (‘cept I dont believe in ‘hell’).

I don’t feel I deserve anything from anyone. Anything I receive is either because of someone else’s generosity, my own hard work, or dumb luck.

People who have a well developed sense of self worth can easily accept the fact that they deserve the best out of life. People with a weak sense of self worth find this concept difficult.

I think as a rule you should objectively be able to judge when you are being treated poorly by others.

@cprevite I feel the same.

Most decent people tend to judge themselves more harshly than less decent people. When you criticise yourself (as strange as this may sound) it usually shows that you care. However, everybody has an inevitable breaking point. My answer to this question is just plain old common sense.