What do you do when you get hit up for money at a gas station?

I’m a sucker, I always give them money. I buy their story that they are trying to get to the VA hospital, their mom just died, their child is in a hospital, etc. I don’t really buy it, but I give them money just the same. I am not well off by any means, I actually only work at a temporary job. I couldn’t stand knowing that one of them might actually be telling the truth and need it. It’s usually only some change or a dollar.

That’s happened to me once and I said no. Around me were several other people pumping gas, all men. It seemed suspicious a young looking man would approach me (female) first instead of asking the men. I saw him look around at them and walk past from where he was parked in front of the store to where I was. It just didn’t feel natural or comfortable so I felt no shame in what felt like self protection. I know from watching other people in public that if something went wrong, it’s unlikely the others gas pumpers would have taken notice or come to my aid.

I can’t just drive away from someone in distress like that either. I’d have done (and often do) exactly what you did: give the person what loose change I happen to have.

“Oh… you can access my money at the local shelter”.

I usually tell them I don’t have any money. Except, it’s usually true. There’s a very good chance that if you see me at the gas station, ten minutes ago I was counting out change and doing a big budget breakdown in my head.

I was the spokesperson for 7 years for the Ottawa Panhandlers’ Union and even I don’t give money to everyone who asks for it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. It depends on whether or not I can afford it, how nicely I was asked, and what my gut tells me. Under no circumstances do I ever give money to an aggressive or rude panhandler. You may be interested to know that aggressive panhandlers are hated by other panhandlers. They intimidate people into giving them money, but that person will never again give money to a panhandler. That person has been forever burned. Do not encourage aggressive panhandling.

If I turn someone down, I’m honest but tactful about it. Usually it goes something like, “Sorry, brother/sister, I can’t afford it right now. But good luck!”

(edit: You may be interested to know that sometimes what I do is take all the money I have out of my pocket and say, “This is what I have to live on. Take what you think is a fair portion.” Sometimes they take all of it. Sometimes they actually give me some of their money. Most often, they’ll split it 50/50 with me.)

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies That’s a smarmy, obnoxious response. Are you aware that if someone has a heavy addiction to alcohol, they stand a 1 in 3 chance of death from delerium tremens if they can’t get a constant supply? You might as well be saying, “Fuck off and die.” It’s already degrading and dangerous to beg. Don’t make it worse by deliberately demeaning them with a snotty reply.

I am much more likely to respond kindly to someone who simply asks for cash help, than someone with an involved story. And I figure it’s not my place to judge what might give someone some comfort in a harsh cold world. If I give someone a five and they choose to buy food, gas, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes or some food for a stray cat, it’s no more my business than it’s the business of the people who sign my paycheck to make sure it goes to things of which they approve. If someone is aggressive, they get nothing. I don’t feel mean, because I try to be courteous to people, it can’t hurt to say please and or thank you.

@SmashTheState gives good advice. I live in an area that has almost no panhandlers at all, but I used to live in San Francisco, where there are “career” panhandlers out there. I have been so broke and scruffy looking that I’ve had panhandlers give me money when I walked by. So I kind of have strong feelings about giving pandhandlers the respect and dignity they deserve simply by being fellow human beings on the planet.

Aggressive panhandling is just one step away from mugging. If someone is calling you names, following you around or repeatedly asking for money once you’ve said no, stick to your guns and get away from them. If they are really aggressive, once you get along, call the cops. Most cities have bans against aggressive panhandling. Nobody deserves to be threatened for a buck or two.

I don’t give money to people who are lying. I kind of go with my gut by that. Like if I see someone who says that they just need one dollar to get on the bus, someone gives them a dollar and they are still asking for bus money… well that’s a giveaway that they aren’t being honest. I’d rather give money to someone who doesn’t try to guilt me out of my change with a sob story. “I need money badly enough that I’m panhandling” is enough. You don’t need to embellish it with sob stories about people in the hospital or fake bus rides.

Just like @JilltheTooth says, I don’t care what they spend it on. Whether or not I give someone money really depends on my mood or my gut feelings about someone rather than what I think they will do with the money.

I’ve taken some panhandlers out for coffee because I was due a free cup at the cafe. I’ve given them my spare cigarettes. matches or lighters when I had no cash. Back when I was drinking, I gave one guy a beer from a six pack I had just bought.

When I was really really broke I used to occaisionally hang out and talk to them, sharing my cigarettes and talking about how it sucked to be broke. I had one guy that I was friends with for 5 years that I met this way. He got better circumstances and had quit panhandling after 3 years. We ended up going to 12 step meetings together when we both sobered up around the same time. He ended up renting my apartment after I left the city and my old room mate would call me and say this guy was a WAY better room mate than I ever was. (That jerk!)

Anyway, I think people need to remember that panhandlers are just people. Some are jerks and some are ok—just like everyone else in the world. They aren’t poor wretched creatures to pity and they aren’t scum suckers who deserve to get cursed or spit upon. You don’t know their circumstances. Either give or don’t give money, but always be respectful to those who aren’t being aggressive.

I understand and completely agree with you @SmashTheState.

Each situation is individual. Having lived in the heart of downtown St. Louis, the OP scenario is played out for me every single time I walk out my door… multiple times per day.

I’m on a first name basis with the regulars, and know every one of their stories, as to how they became homeless or addicted to whatever. I do my best to give them employment where they can see real results for their actions.

After Katrina, the streets of St. Louis were flooded with new homeless refugees from New Orleans. I’ve been all over the map with my responses to vagrants. And I’ve learned that a few honest questions are all it takes to determine the homeless from a hustler.

The situation above would prompt me to ask to see car keys, drivers license, and question where the out of gas vehicle was located. People start mumbling and averting their eyes when challenged to answer truthfully. My contribution will be heavily influenced by their response. The main thing is to talk with them… engage in conversation.
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Having known the regulars, I’m here to tell you that many of them live in homes in the county… They catch the bus downtown and beg for money all day. That is their full time job.

I worked with an accounting firm in LA who conducted research which found that the average so called homeless person collects $100 per day… tax free.
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Many of the philanthropists that hire my photography services to promote their social programs have confided their personal feelings about the matter. Basically, we should not contribute to street vagrants. We should encourage them to pursue the proven programs developed at shelters which are designed by professionals to provide education and addiction counseling. There are proven methods which change lives for the long term benefit, rather than the short term hustle.

One philanthropist wrote me a letter summing it up this way…
“As a child, no one ever wanted to grow up and become a Hustler”.

She runs a center with strict policy. Those that really want to help themselves have total free access to that help, boarding, food, job assistance, permanent housing programs, etc… Those that don’t want to help themselves are on the street hustling.

I cannot be responsible for the paths people chose for their own lives. Contributing to their addictive nature makes me culpable in promoting their decisions. I have to consider all avenues before affirming the decisions they’ve made for themselves.

I’d much rather contribute to a single woman with children trying to get off the streets the right way. I’d much rather contribute to those who set great examples for others.
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Last winter, walking down the street I heard a heavy cough coming from the alley. I investigated to find a young man huddled in a corner with no coat, no blanket, coughing his head off with snot running all down his face. He was miserable.

Dude let me take you to a shelter…

“No way… they are filthy and make you follow their rules”.

Their rules are designed to help you get off the streets…

“Fuck them… they don’t know shit about me”.

I went back to my loft and gathered blankets, a coat, and some cough medicine. I brought it back to him. He took it without thanks. Checking on him the next morning, he was gone with the supplies. I have no right to direct his life path. I have no responsibility to support his life path either.

For me it’s pretty simple, it’s either yes or no. I stay polite, but I don’t give in to pressure. I can be pretty aggressive myself if I have to.
If I have some spare money, I’ll give it, if not, well that’s that.
As for the reason, whether the person should explain it or not, that’s none of my business. I tend to get annoyed when I’m given a sob story that may be a lie. If I agree to give someone money, then I don’t even see why I should have a say in what they’re going to do with it. It’s like giving someone a set of knives as a gift, and telling them they can only prepare specific meals with the knives. If they feel like talking for a few minutes, that’s cool. But a reason for why they need money doesn’t factor with my decision to give or not. I’ll do it if I have some, and feel like it.
People often go, I only give bums money if they plan to buy food and blabla. Well whatever. If they plan to get drugs or booze, it’s their life. I know that sounds cold heated and all, but what difference am I going to play in their life with my seventy five cents? Really? Whether it’s for gas or food or beer, beggars panhandlers or bums usually know what they’re doing. If they want to get out of their situation, then it’s their decision to make, not mine. I always feel really bad for young people in the streets though, who might not have chosen this, or psychologically ill bums who talk to walls.
In the type of society we live in, I find it sad that there are people in the streets, so I tend to enjoy helping them out, even if it’s only a little. It would be cool helping them out of the situation all together for those who want it, but I got nuff problems of my own haha.

My rule is pretty much once a day I will give the change in my pocket. Someone has to look like they will stab me to get paper money.

This happened to me last week!
I am filling my tank, and a woman pulls up on the other side of the pump, and gives me the sob story of her being out of gas, and needing to get her mom’s car back to Alameda.
I just nodded, and when I finished pumping my gas, I moved around the pump and put 2 gallons in her tank. Probably $8 worth of gas. Much more than I would have given her if she asked for a handout.
Maybe it’s because its on the credit card. Maybe it’s because I know she is getting gas, and not using it to get meth. Maybe I’m just a sucker.

I once gave someone 20$ in a similar situation. I was duped. I drive away now.

I tell them I only give money to drug addicts…..it confuses people long enough for me to walk away.

I pull the, “I live off of plastic.” line. I have yet top see a vagrant that takes debit, and if they pull outa smartphone with a card reader then they really don’t need your money.

@filmfann One time a guy downtown tried hiring my wife and I up for money “to buy something to eat”. We brought him into Starbucks with us and offered him lunch. Allegedly, everything in there did funny things to his stomach and all he wanted was a small drip coffee.
A couple of blocks away there was a guy holding a sign that said, “Why lie? I want a beer and some 420”. He got $5; he was honest, and it was probably smarter than what we had planned for the money.

To everyone who say’s that he/she is a sucker and would just end up giving some random person a couple of dollars, I say you’re not a sucker! You’re just a human with a big heart. Well, that’s the way I see it.
I’m a sucker too by the way…

If I have a few bucks in my pocket, I give it to them. I generally don’t feel rage at someone who is that much worse off than I am. I have the same idea as @JilltheTooth. I don’t really care what they spend it on as long as they are still alive tomorrow and my money has given them some small comfort.

I usually don’t carry cash on me, so I just tell them that I don’t have any. It also helps that 90% of the time my 2 year old is in the car, sometimes trying to escape from her car seat, so I have a legitimate reason to be in a hurry to leave.

It’s very rare here, since pan handlers aren’t allowed on private property. I once saw a hiker at a gas station, and I asked him to tell me his story for $5. He told me why he was walking around the country, but I don’t know if his story was true.

He said he just back from the war and traveling around the country until he gets back his humanity.

@YARNLADY Wow, how odd. Who knows, could totally be true.

All I can say is that, if I have to panhandle, I sure hope I find all the totally guild-tripped ladies who will hate me and give me a tenner, cursing behind their tight-lipped smiles.

I feel like a force of randomness. Sometimes I give money to beggars and other times I don’t, and it really has nothing to do with any principle. I’d give to everyone, but most of the time I can’t be bothered. I don’t have time. I don’t feel safe. Whatever. Sometimes I just feel like that could me be in other circumstances and I’ll pull whatever I have out of my wallet. Sometimes it’s a buck or two. Once it was a 20. Just random.

I don’t see this as a referendum on my mercy or how much I care. I care whether I give or not. I don’t see this as giving me any good or bad karma, or any moral brownie points. It’s just random. I don’t fool myself that I’m taking care of anyone, or helping anyone much. It’s more like the stars align and my wallet opens. There is nothing else to it.

@wundayatta Before I had a child (and, thus, before I really had to worry about money), I was sort of the same as you. It had little to do with my mood, or the situation, or how much money I had on me… I just either did give or didn’t. There were times I ignored the homeless on the side of the road, and there were times that I spotted a homeless man sitting behind a building and offered to buy him food – whatever he wanted; or that I passed by homeless guys sleeping on the sidewalk in the middle of the winter, and went all the way home and back just to lay some old blankets on them.

Definitely wish I could have given more back when I could afford to do so now, though.