[NSFW] On a scale of 1(lowest) to 10(highest) how much should you avoid the questions of past intimate relations?

People like to brag and honestly, I would not believe any answer given here.

I don’t care who my husband slept with before me. I don’t care if he knows who I slept with before him. I always hear that you’re supposed to “avoid” this topic, but I think it’s stupid.

Everyone has a past. It matters who a person is now.

That being said, I do hold these opinions:

If I don’t feel comfortable being honest about my past with a guy, it’s a red flag.

If he can’t seem to accept my past, it’s a red flag.

If I can’t accept his, it’s a red flag.

If he doesn’t feel comfortable being honest about his past with me, it’s a red flag.

I don’t want to know how many people my partner has slept with, just if there were any uncured diseases or children resulting from it. And I’d rather not tell them my number (seriously, how does this conversation ever end in anything but increased tension?). If we end up sharing the stories of each partner, that’s a different thing, but just sharing a number? Why?

I know all about my SO’s sexual history, and he knows mine. I think that’s the most honest way to go about it.

It’s nobody’s business. Unless you know someone well enough to understand what the answer will mean to them, don’t answer the question.
Or, taking advantage of @john65pennington observation that dishonest answers are given regularly, dish out a ridiculous answer.
Eventually, when you know each other very well, you may decide you’re ready for that kind of information.

It really depends on why it’s being asked and how it’s being asked. There are ways to identify if these questions are part of a red flag. If they aren’t, I don’t avoid answering them at all.

No need to avoid it at all. If you are uncomfortable hearing about it, you have a problem—or several problems, including insecurity, inability to move into the future and probably others as well. It means you want to see your lover as a fantasy more than as a real person. It means you can’t accept them as they are with the past they have. It’s not good.

I see no need to avoid it. Or to dwell on it, either.

No need to avoid it. It was before you met, why have a problem? I don’t see it.

My boyfriend can ask me anything he likes. If he wants to know I’ll answer him. I, however, don’t want to know too much about my boyfriend’s sexual past so I deliberately don’t ask him and he knows not to offer the information unless I ask. I don’t care how insecure that makes me, it hasn’t caused any kind of problem in my relationship so it obviously works for us.

@Leanne1986 Why does it bother you to hear about your boyfriend’s past? I am not judging here. You know what is best for you. I am trying to understand why you don’t want to hear about it. Do you feel like you compete with past lovers in some way?

@wundayatta Whenever we have spoken about it before it has just given me a real gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach which I don’t enjoy. He’s not one to brag and has never acted in a way that makes me think he would want me to feel bad (or have any feelings at all in honesty) about his past so the problem lies solely with me.

“I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me.”