How do you handle salespeople who literally follow you around the whole store?

I hate it, and I generally just leave the shop unless it’s absolutely necessary. The job of the salesperson should be to help me if I need it, not to make me feel like I have a stalker.

I try to get out of there.

This reminds me of something I experienced recently, actually. One of my friends and I were walking through a mall in the city we live in minding our own business. This salesman (it was out in the hallway) decided to harass us about cell phones. He went into this pitch about how he could give us a phone for free if we wanted one. My friend said she already had one and didn’t want another one and just walked away… like that, no matter what he tried to say. He then rounded on me and I tried to politely leave, but he kept on badgering me about it…. even to the point of asking me where I live and telling me to give him my SIN#! What the-?! What does my social insurance number have to do with an apparently free cell phone, especially one I don’t even want in the first place? I eventually told him I was going to see my friend. I also told him I “might” come back later so that he would leave me alone. My “might” really meant “I’m going to avoid you and if I do happen to see you again, it will be by accident…!” He let me go then. After I met up with my friend again, who had already walked as far as she could away from this guy while still being in my sight, she mentioned what we both were thinking—how desperate he appeared and her thoughts about it. You know, you made me realize something. Maybe I really should be meaner. Maybe we all should. Then maybe their employers will make them stop being so annoying as they’re losing customers. {The mean notes can be addressed to the employers for them encouraging their employees to embarrass themselves like that.} I only worry, though, that anger would be taken out on them, the employees, especially if it’s not their fault…

ask them to leave you alone. This is why when I shop alone, I wear headphones.

“Sorry, but I think I just want to browse some things on my own. I’ll let you know if I need any help.”

If they continue being awkward, I leave.

I leave.
Or, if I actually need stuff and I can’t just walk out, I ask them to leave me alone.

I pull them into a dark alley and depending on the gender and looks….
Actually I have never encountered such a thing.

It really depends. If I know they work on some sort of commission than I try to make use of them.
If they are just bored and looking for someone to assist, then I may either engage them or ask them for something that I will not likely find in their department.
If they are simply spying (very annoying) than I will send them on a wild goose chase. I will ask for several things that I have no intention on buying and totally waste their time. I will find a flaw with each item till they decide to leave the very unhappy customer. (I will do this only when I have time to kill.)
If I am in a hurry and I am being followed in a rude manner than I will look and pick up several items and then gather them into a heap and just toss them in different locations as I pick up something else and dump it at another location. This way they can be busy picking up and cleaning up after me.
I have been known to right out tell someone that I am not ever coming back to their store to shop because they are profiling.

Fart on their leg.

I tell them I want to look around for a bit and will definitely call them if I want their help.

Stare at them until you can’t see them anymore.

I ask to be left alone. It is an unfortunate offshoot of commission sales.

I leave the store, and tell them why.

I assume they will receive some credit if I mention them at the register or they take my things to the register so I tolerate it quite well and usually have them start a room with things put aside for me.

Flatulence works.

More often though, I prove to them that I know more abou thte products I am looking at than they do.

^^ “Flatulence works.” Hahaha!

As for your second sentence, that’s a good approach. Maybe I’ll do that in the future, too. :)