Why do you think there are clashes between parents and non-parents over parenting issues?

If you were Frank Lloyd Wright would you want somebody telling you how to design a home just because they’ve watched HGTV a couple of times?

Because people with experience like to think it makes up for a lack of theory, and people with a theory like to think it makes up for a lack of experience. Just because you made it work doesn’t mean it can’t be improved, and just because you came up with an idea for improving something doesn’t mean you can make it work.

As the culture becomes more collectivist, and less individualist, people begin to believe they have a stake in every body else’s business.
As an aside, this is a recipe for disaster, because in a metaphysical sense, nobody has a stake in somebody else’s business, unless somebody else wants them to.

Because some people, who think they know what they are talking about…..just can not form opinions on what is classed as “bad” for a child until they have had one. Lets face it, your whole world is turned upside down by a child and any preconceived idea’s that you may have had, about how you ‘should or should not’ bring up your child go right out of the window.
But this is what ‘Fluther’ is all about….and that’s what makes us open to others and their ideas….no matter how deluded some may seem!

A lot of the parenting theories I had when I was childless went out the window when I actually became a parent. For instance, I used to be one of those people who assumed that the kid throwing a tantrum in the grocery store or acting out in other ways was just a victim of bad parenting, basically. After I had kids of my own, and saw firsthand that sometimes it’s not about the parent, but all about that particular child, I had a lot more empathy for parents.

As I said on another thread here, there are people who have not had children who have other experience that makes their opinion valid. Teachers, doctors, nurses and other healthcare or child welfare experts and relevant academics. Plus people who have many younger siblings or nieces and nephews and have spent a great deal of time looking after them. I don’t have a problem accepting advice from these people and especially solicited advice.

I do have a problem with ‘unsolicited’ advice from people who have little or no experience of raising children but think they have ever right to pass judgement on those who are raising children.

Well, it’s personal…parenting, that is…and it’s not a cakewalk…we, as parents, often have to already deal with other parents who think they’ve got the answers or whatever and we don’t need to deal with the non-parents on top of it…basically, I don’t care if you’re a parent or a non-parent, I don’t need you thinking you can tell me what to do with my child and if you think you can, then prepare to back shit you say up…and here’s the trouble, generally, because most people have no idea how to actually defend anything they say and they wish they never started with me, to begin with…(some of you may know the feeling).

Two reasons I can think of. Non-parents tend to think that parenting is easier than it actually is. When people have a child, a lot of preconceived notions they had about parenting go out the window. It’s easy for non-parents to give advice that’s impractical without knowing it, and this would certainly frustrate people who have kids.

On the other side of things, a lot of parents completely dismiss the advice and opinions of non-parents as invalid, simply because it came from someone without children. These people seem to think that having sex and making a baby somehow makes them parenting geniuses who know everything about kids and anyone who tries to tell them that they’re wrong is an idiot.

Asking if it’s okay to encourage children to believe in Santa Claus is more of a morality issue than a parenting issue, so it’s not reasonable for parents to be annoyed at childless people for having an opinion and voicing it either way there. There are people who view it as a lie to tell children Santa Claus exists and other people who view it as a fun, harmless, and innocent way to help create a magical childhood for children.

Why do I think there are clashes between parents and non-parents? Well, parents may feel they have experience to back them up… and childless people may feel like parents aren’t right just because they’re parents.

Both have a point… and both sides would be wise to listen to what the other side has to say and try to understand where the other side is coming from, whether they want to hear and understand what the other side has to say or not.

@saint I have a stake in your children being raised not to slash my tires, break my windows, and steal my mail.

@SavoirFaire . . . You seem to believe that children are born with a predisposition to crime. Did something bad happen? Were you, perhaps, attacked by a roaming gang of toddlers sometime in your past to cause this bias?

Both parties have the potential to annoy the crap out of me. On one hand you have those parents who act like you don’t know anything about life unless you have kids (I personal know women that appear to look down on non parents and act like their problems aren’t valid until they have kids). If you don’t know people like this you should check out the website STFUparents. Fucking hilarious. On the other hand, and I witness this a lot too, their are plenty of non parents that act like they would be able to raise a child so much better than all the parent’s they know. They have an opinion on everything and think they have all the answers. As a non parent myself I can honestly say I don’t know what I would do in certain situations if I had kids. I am sure these lessons are often only learnt once you have no choice but to learn them (ie: when you’re trying to keep a little human alive and healthy).

As far as the Santa thing is concerned, I don’t think you should have to have kids to have an opinion on it as we have all been kids and know how _ we felt_ about being “lied” to about Santa. Personally I loved the Santa stories and haven’t been traumatised by it in the slightest. However, I don’t think anyone, parent or otherwise, should judge another parent’s choice on this subject. If you allow your kid to believe in Santa then that is up to you, if you don’t that is up to you too. Neither makes you a bad parents and people that judge others decisions here need to fuck off.

@Blondesjon Obviously, I said no such thing. Would you mind explaining where your misapprehension came from? After all, I specifically said “raised.” This indicates that I believe nurture has a great deal to do with it.

@SavoirFaire . . . Because the tone of your statement makes it interpretable that parents tend to raise miscreants more often than not.

And yes, I did read it in the context of @saint‘s post.

@Blondesjon There is no tone to my statement. You are adding that in. What @saint said was that I have no stake in somebody else’s business. This is false. I have a stake in certain things not happening. Pretty cut and dry.

K.

I hate polarization where ever it happens.

After having two kids and thinking that I had every angle of parenting sorted I had my third. He showed me that I still had a lot to learn.

Every child is different. If I received sought after advise from a childless person I’d take it and be happy. Ditto the parent who has “been there done that”. Where I take umbrage is when either of those groups leans in with unsolicited advise.

One of the greatest things I’ve learned as a parent is to cut everyone some slack. There may be similarities in many situations but that doesn’t mean that this advise or that advise A: hasn’t already been tried or considered or B: will even work given all the variables. But most of all I don’t give advise unless I’m asked and even then I couch in terms of what worked for me with a generous portion of YMMV.

^^ Very awesome answer. Good point about how mileage may very as well. I ended up looking “YMMV” up on Google because I had no idea what it meant. “You’re mileage may vary.” Your answer shows wisdom and thoughtfulness. :)