How do you deal with someone in your family having mental illness?

There’s only so much you can do.

Back around 1958, my cousin was placed in a “home” as a young teenager because his parents couldn’t handle his mental illness. He never left the facility until he died in his 60s.

In more recent decades, unless someone poses an immediate threat to themselves or others, they’re pretty much left to their own devices. Sure they’re encouraged to get medical care, attend counseling, and take medication – but so long as they’re high functioning, they can live on their own.

This is an improvement in most cases as folks with mental illness are treated more humanely with more respect.

Often however (assuming they’re even diagnosed properly or at all) it makes having a relationship with them challenging at best (impossible at worst).

If you truly care about them, you must have a lot of patience and empathy. That being said, the relationship sometimes becomes unhealthy or toxic. You may have to walk away for a time.

But then, this could happen in a relationship with a person without mental illness.

@emeraldisles: I think, if I am reading correctly, that you are talking about two people.

Person A is an unstable personality, whether officially diagnosed or not

Person B is not actively trying to get A to acknowledge his problem and perhaps get some professional help.

Are these family members? Are they both adults? Are you still a minor? Are you dependent on one or both of them?

Are there other family members whom you can turn to who are not living under the same roof as you, A and B?

Why are you obligated to stay in this unhealthy situation?

Avoid the person with mental illness.

If you are because of your age forced to live at home speak with a trusted adult (a teacher, a school counselor, a pastor) about getting out of the household.

well this person is my mother and yes my father knows what’s going on and has known since last year. They are divorced. I’ve had issues with my dad but in my current situation would love to get out of this house because I shouldn’t be forced to live with this since my grandmother constantly enables her. A couple of people at school know she’s got something wrong with her. Three people called social services and when it got back to my grandmother she told me to lie, which I said I wasn’t going to do because that’s screwed up.My mother hears voices in her head and talks to them out loud constantly. Shesays she ‘s just prayinhg but she talks about herself in the third person. I can’t talk to her because the stuff she says about me is so hurtful. She blames me for a lot of the crap that’s happened to her. My god , I wish I could have her committed. What kills me is she has never been diagn osed with any mental illness and even though she has all the signs and she sometimes can hide it. I hate living here and having to put up with it and her unbelievable delusions.

Can you call Social Services again? How old are you?

Can you go back to the counseling staff at your school and tell them (again) what you have told us?

Why didn’t SS do anything before? Why didn’t the appropriate people at your school follow through? Do you have any adult friends near-by (parents of your friends, for example) who can assist you navigate the system?

You seem to have very good instincts. Good luck.

I’m going to be 18 in March. My mother has a history of depression like I do, except I am convinced she is skizophrenic. My neighbor called social services because she has been a witness of my mom’s delusional behaviour and worries for me. I talked to a social worker and someone else I trust who made the calls. They called my dad at work and he said everything was fine and they let it go. They never called again.For a while I think my mom might have been on medication and didn’t seem to have any of the symptoms or act like a fruit cake. But for all I know she could have been hiding it when I was around and going off when I was at school. She’s even been sent home from work multiple times for freaking the customers out with her bizarre behaviour.All I’ve been told is that unless she’s a danger to herself, nothing can be done.My grandmother makes excuses for her and forces me to stay there. I come from a screwed up family that has endured evrything you can imagine. My grandmother just always protects the wrong people and plays the martyr.When truth is she’s never done anything to protect me from her son and now my mom. Not going to get into details here.

Ok, so you realise that you cannot change or help your mom. But you can get some help for yourself to be able to handle this until you can get away from it. Call your local mental helath agencies or hospitals and see if they have any information on support groups or website that you can go to and get support – or at least be able to talk to others in the same spot you are in.

I’m not saying this is necessarily the best thing for you to do, in your situation. I’m not sure if your goal is to fix your family’s problems, or to figure out what to do with yourself. Personally, I couldn’t handle my family’s problems (drama, mental issues, alcoholism, denial), and enlisted in the military to get away from it all.

Since you’re almost 18, I’m going to assume you’re in your last year of high school. I would recommend doing everything you can to finish out the school year, and in the meantime, try to come up with a plan. If college is in the picture, move to another city. If not, try to obtain employment and/or find some friends to live with on the cheap. It won’t make your relationships any better, but it will be easier to deal with them from a distance and move on with your own life.

It sucks that you are not 18 yet. Do you have a close relationship with your neighbor? Would they be willing to offer you some kind of sanctuary until you’re able to leave home? I hope you’re not completely trapped in an abusive situation, and wish you the best of luck.

I feel absolutely hopeless. My dad has said to me that he would allow me to move in with him but says I have to stay here. I know life isn’t fair, but I can’t handle my mother and grandmother’s problems and the crap I deal with at school.I am not going to college. It’s too late. My original plan was to just move in with my dad and find some sort of employment,night classes etc.I have a therapist who wants to help and has offered to call the oplice for me etc. She said that I did this I could go into court with my dad and talk to the judge so my dad would get custody of me. At this point, I don’t care. I don’t care if these two hate me.I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Do you know what its like to be robbed of a childhood and have everyone you know call you a liar and say that you brought it on yourself? And here I have my grandmother telling me not to hate her when all my life she has never been strong to get her son out of my life and now my mother who has been on a psychotic break since last year. Before she was depressed and then it became a worse hell. I have nobody my age who I can talk to about this because they do not understand.At school, I have a couple of people to talk to who have tried to help. I am so withdrawn and depressed.