What is your definition of a "slut"?

I don’t consider anyone a slut.

Everyone enjoys different social activities: playing video games, busking, going to movies, mountain climbing, horseback riding, wild kinky sex with random strangers, etc.

Any individual pursuit that’s peaceful and occurs between consenting adults is responsible and respectable as far as I’m concerned.

A woman who uses her body instead of her mind.

The kind of woman I have never had the pleasure of knowing.

A person who has frequent, thoughtless, unsafe sex with many people they care nothing about, especially if they derive little to no joy from it. Anyone who views their genitalia as a form of slot machine, rather than a part of themselves, by keeping score of their conquests and boasting about them. This definition would, statistically, apply most often to men rather then women.

I think the word “slut” is an oppressive word against female-bodied persons to make them feel guilty or disgusting about sexual activities. I have never met a person whom I consider a slut.

I don’t find it necessary to put labels on people, but if I was forced to, I would say a woman who has frequent, indiscriminate sex.

I don’t use the word slut. It is a word that reflects on the speaker rather than the person spoken of.

The one I heard once, that I like, is “someone who has had sex with 1 more person than the person using the word”.

^Says Don Draper. ~

I don’t see what’s so wrong about labeling someone a slut. It’s no different than saying someone has blonde hair if they do. Avoiding it is just the sort of bs pc that has run rampant in the world the last couple of decades. No wonder the rate of std’s has climbed.

@digitalimpression – I don’t think so. Like, is calling someone a n*** no different from calling someone black?

As for the rate of STDs, you need to consider it as a percentage of per capita (number of STD cases per unit of population). Even in a decline of the rate of STDs, the number of STDs in a population of 10,000 will be greater than in a population of 1,000.

@HungryGuy Wow, has the word “slut” leveled up that much since I’ve been out of the game?

@digitalimpression – ROFL! Nope, you’re just in a den of mostly liberals here :-p

Just wait until the conservatives start chiming in, watch the flame war start…

Wouldn’t liberals by their very nature more likely to be… sluts? Liberal, get it, get it? :D

@HungryGuy I suppose my bias comes from experience. I’ve met women who flaunt their bodies to get what they want out of men, sleep with them for money, fame, status, promotions, etc. It’s disgusting to me. I have no qualms calling such a woman a slut. So sue me. Evil in a gift box is still evil.

@digitalimpression – Yeah, but the men who flaunt their money, fame, or power to get sex from women are just as guilty, eh?

But again, as long as it’s mutually consensual and peaceful, I wouldn’t call it “evil.” Perhaps “manipulative” is a better term for the motivations you describe…on the part of both the men and the women…

I’ve had casual sex with random women a few times in my life (the slut that I am :-o) and there was no exchange of money, fame, or power. T’was just for the mutual pleasure of it on both sides…

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t reserve the term “slut” for only women.

And to me “manipulation” is one of the worst evils there are. Call it how you see it though ref.

@digitalimpression – LoL. I hear ya’ about manipulation being evil. I’ve interacted with a few used car salesmen in my life :-p

@HungryGuy Yes, used car salesmen are kind of slutty aren’t they?

@digitalimpression – Right. They’re the biggest sluts of all :-p

I’ll answer this as one of the house sluts. By some definitions based on activity, I am definitely a slut. I’ve had sex with a bunch of people (11 in ‘11), and the vast majority are one-night-stands. I’ve only recently started asking them about STDs beforehand (although I always use condoms). I’ll often decide in the morning that I want to get laid that night, and plan accordingly (shave my legs, wear cute underwear), without knowing who I might go home with.

However, personality-wise you’d never guess it. I’m very much a nerd, and I hate staying up late, going to clubs or noisy bars, or attending most parties: things some might associate with finding “sluts.” I rarely get drunk anymore, I never wear revealing clothing (the cute underwear I don isn’t even a thong, I’ve never worn one), I put no effort into primping.

Someone should invent a term for the non-slutty slut!

I view it in two different ways:

1. Same as a whore- someone who trades sex for money, goods or other favors
2. Someone who is diseased and keeps carelessly fucking other people anyway

@sliceswiththings Why do you do it?

I used to view the word “slut” as a very negative term and didn’t like people I considered “sluts”.

I’ve now changed.

I view myself as a “slut” when I am with a certain sexual partner of mine and I get a lot of enjoyment out of being his “little slut”. I’ve learned to use the word playfully, so it’s a playful word to me now (at least when I use it).

To me it signifies someone who has some emotional issues and feels the need to get their attention through indiscriminate sexual escapades with multiple people, as well as having no ethics, seducing other womens men, etc.
This applies to men as well.
Bottom line, everyone knows extreme promiscuity is usually indicative of some emotional problems.
This is not to say that a one night stand or two qualifies, especially in the younger crowd, hell, I was a 70’s girl and sexuality was pretty free in my generation, but, the term has stood the test of time. lol

@AnonymousGirl Seriously? Simply amazing to me.

^^ I like the feeling of being able to be called a slut and laughing (having it not hurt me), so yes. I know that guy doesn’t mean it in a mean way, but even if someone else does, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause I have him and I take pride in it.

@AnonymousGirl Well, to each his/her own I suppose. But I’m gonna go out on a limb here and bet everything in my wallet that you’re under the age of 30. Call it a hunch.

Well, you’re not too far from the truth. I am 21.

I understand if people don’t agree with what I’m doing and I understand if you don’t understand it, but you’re right… to each his/her own.

I can introduce you to my ex wife…

I think (hope) I’ve grown out of using petty insults like calling people sluts. It’s not a meaningful word.

The way my straight guy friends use the word is to describe a girl who says “fuck me” either with the way she flirts or dresses, despite the fact that every guy at a party is looking to fuck someone. Sometimes they even seem to use it to describe a girl who pursues sex in any way, as if guys are the only ones who are supposed to seek out sex and girls who do it are “sluts”.

@nikipedia I agree, but, the definition is still the same. haha

Evil slut Tony Perkins This is a guy who slept with many, many women to infect them with HIV.

@DominicX Straight men like to pretend women don’t like sex that much so when we get rejected for it, we don’t have to consider it is because we are unattractive.

Much easier to say “women just are harder to get”, or something along those lines, when sitting and complaining to our unattractive guy friends who completely agree.

“Typically a girl”. Wow.
I’m really not the kind to go all feminist, but fuck you. :)
I know more men who sleep around then women. Yet women are the only ones who get the label?
Angry rant.
A slut is a person (Doesn’t have to have a vagina) who makes a habit of sleeping around.
‘kaythanksbye.

^^ Men who sleep around? They’re man whores. ;)

Then that would make women Woman Whores, not sluts. :P

They are definitely women whores if they are women who sleep around. :)

I’m affectionately called ” skirt slut” by the owner of a favorite boutique. lol

Hey, “Skirt slut”! :)

To me a slut is a woman who doesn’t respect herself and lets herself be “used” for sex. Being “used” is sometimes very subjective but in this case it means she knows the man doesn’t respect her but she needs to feel wanted so badly she gives in to him anyways. A slut could also be a woman who uses sex to get something she wants other than love or physical pleasure. She uses sex for money or to manipulate a man. It has little to do with frequency of sex or number of partners. It has to do with the psychic landscape of the sexual encounter.

I do not judge such women harshly. After all, who am I to judge? I do think they would be happier and more true to themselves if they understood their behavior better.

Actually I don’t like this label much. I think it’s harmful to label people. We are all subject to errors in judgement. In a way, I hate to give my meaning of the word because I really hate being judgmental. I think women should be able to enjoy sex without being judged slutty for being sexual. But I think they need to demand a certain level of respect for themselves too.

Who am I to say.
What a person does is their own business.

People who fuck a lot of people, or get fucked by a lot a people. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but some people do it with such reckless abandon that it’s pretty much impossible not to think of them like that…

Slut is a useless term to me. It’s only used, as far as I can tell, to put down women. I think it’s disingenuous to think that anyone applies it to a man in the same way, pc though they might try to be. It’s used to put down a woman who engages in any kind of sexual behavior the observer doesn’t approve of.

I think the use of the term “Slut” in a negative way says more about the person employing the term than it does about the person being slammed. When I hear that term, I don’t hear any empathy or understanding, nor even an attempt at it. I hear pure judgmentalism and that is a warning to me to be very careful of this person. This person has an ox or two to gore. This person has history. This person has probably been hurt, personally, by someone they think of as a slut. They have most likely never gotten past that pain, and continue to let it guide their behavior. Thus they are more likely to imagine things that aren’t there and miss out on seeing things that actually are there.

Personally, slut means something very different from all that to me. For me, it is a positive term. It says this woman likes sex. She is joyful and playful and knows how to enjoy being with her man without getting all uptight about sex and sex roles and her own expectations. She’s a little slut and she’s gotten beyond her hangups about being called a slut.

I’m not going so far as to say I would want her to sleep around with other guys. That’s not being a slut. That’s something much worse that I don’t know the name for. It’s relationship problems is what it is.

But I want my wife to act like everything is forbidden and she wants to do it all. It’s an attitude, really. A statement of desire. It is a wonderful thing, although, with my wife, it’s a work in progress. But we’ve come a long way in this area and that’s all to the good!

According to this book most girls who are attacked with the “slut” term are not girls who sleep around, but girls who are different than their peers or are easy targets because they’re outsiders. This is one of the best books I’ve read related to women’s studies and the term ‘slut.’

I rarely ever use that word and the book above changed my perspective so much that I don’t really have a personal definition of the word. Maybe this will be a good definition??

I am not quite sure how to verbalize my definition of a slut, but I can tell you that I have known females and males who fit the description in my head.

I am really surprised by this attitude that deciding whether a person is a slut or not is being judgemental. Of course it is, isn’t that how we decide who we want to be friends with, who we want to have a relationship with, what kind of car we want, by making a judgement about it? I never thought about it as being a bad thing, it is what has kept me alive for all these years, making the right judgements!

^^ Makes sense. I’ve viewed a girl as a slut before because she cheated on her boyfriend at the time with my boyfriend at the time. It hurt like hell when I found out because she knew we were dating and acted like I was one of her best friends, but she didn’t care. If that makes me judgemental, so be it. It was so long ago. Despite our fights, we actually seem to get along now when we interact with one another. I don’t talk to her ex or my ex anymore, but we chat sometimes. It’s really odd. All of this being said, the word “slut” is definitely more fun when it’s used playfully with someone who understands instead of out of anger, hurt, and pain!

I don’t consider, much less call, anyone a slut. Unless they want me to, in the bedroom, because it turns them on.

@wundayatta I get where you’re going with this positive idea of a slut, but I gotta tell you, a guy calls me a slut, I’m not going to be sticking around to hear how, wait, wait, he doesn’t mean it that way, he’s helping me “reclaim” it, it’s a compliment. I’m not sure that idea is for you to put on other women, only for women to decide if they, personally, want to put it on themselves.

linguaphile That sounds like a good book.

rooeyttoo I think you have to differentiate between assessing things and making judgements and assessing a person’s behavior and pronouncing judgements. We all have to make judgements but there’s a big difference between saying to yourself this person is hurtful, dangerous, stupid or whatever and avoiding them or being cautious with them to protect yourself, and judging them as inferior and not worthy of your respect. When you judge a person by their behavior you are looking at them from the outside. You aren’t seeing their history, their inner conflicts, their insecurities etc. You are only seeing their public face. You don’t know the whole story but you (not you personally) set yourself up as a judge without all the facts in the case.

While I don’t like it when people judge I can understand it. But too often I find that people judge others harshly out of a need to feel superior as in “I’m so glad I’m not like that!”!! It allows them to stroke their ego a bit and it feels good. But maybe the person they are judging has things in their past that have affected them that you don’t know about. By calling them a name and putting them down you fail to try to see the real person. You are judging them and in most cases it is not out of a need to protect yourself or others from them.

In general the person who is “different” becomes made fun of, called names and ostracized as linguaphile mentioned. To take a pop culture example, in the movie Carrie her mother is really mentally ill religious fanatic. Carrie isn’t quite “normal” as a result and her peers taunt her and play a cruel prank on her.

Judging people to decide who you like and don’t like and who to be friends with is fine. But when people make judgements on another person and act as if that person is not “worthy” of their friendship, like in a clique or sorority or fraternity, when they try to make people feel like they don’t “make the grade” or are “weird” often it leads to hurtful and sometimes disastrous consequences. That person becomes marginalized from the group. That person becomes a target for name calling. Slut is only one of the many hurtful names used. Often it doesn’t even reflect the person’s actual behavior. Girls use it against each other to damage another girl’s reputation because they don’t like her for some reason. I don’t see the purpose of this name calling. I was brought up with the motto “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes we have to voice negative or conflicting opinions. We can’t always be politically correct when we do so. But the motivation should be to discuss and come to an understanding. Not just to sling mud.

I’m sorry if I go on too long and have gotten a little sidetracked from the actual question. But I think that one of the dangers of the slut label is that girls get a message that sex is dirty and shameful. I don’t advocate promiscuity, but neither do I feel it is my place to judge another person’s choices when it has no impact on me personally. The issue of respecting yourself and demanding respect is what I focus on because I think it is the most empowering message for women concerning sexual behavior. It says, embrace your sexuality but don’t let yourself be exploited.

—@Aethelflaed The negotiation about the use of the term is a careful one. You want to make sure your partner knows what you mean before you use it. If it’s not a turn-on, there’s really no point. But most of the dirty words and names with pejorative content outside the bedroom can be used as a turn-on inside the bedroom so long as, as @Earthgirl notes, the couple understands they are being used with respect and honor, not the disrespect normally associated with them. It’s a way for working with passion. It’s not for everyone.

@digitalimpression Because I like sex, I like the conquest of picking someone up, and I don’t always want a relationship.

Sadly after I posted that last item I was on my way to work and the Metro NY newspaper provided a perfect example on the front page of what I am talking about. Amanda Cummings of Staten Island commiting suicide because of bullying. At least one of the bullies used the word Ho to describe her on her Facebook page. Here is the link to the NY Daily News article:. Http://www.nydailynews.com/staten-island-teen-kills-jumping-front-bus-family-cites-bullies-article-1.1000243 Less judging,more love. Wish I could have sent Amanda this song before she took her life. I wish she had a true friend who could tell her the same thing. www.youtube.com/watch?v=b75tGqy5jvk

@sliceswiththings We come from two very different worlds. For me, sex is not a play-thing, a recreation, or a conquest. For me it is something meaningful between two people. That’s not to say it should happen less. Just that when it does happen it’s not with some woman I met in the bar the night before and don’t remember bringing home.

Please don’t take it the wrong way. I’m not trying to throw a judgment out there (hell I don’t even have a gavel).. just trying to describe my perspective.

‘Slut’ is a word that only applies if having sex is relevant to your moral code, if you believe sexual habits can have an inherent moral value, if you think someone is doing something wrong by behaving sexually in a way you don’t agree with.

Because my moral code only objects to acts that are actually harmful, not just arbitrary standards by which to judge other people, this word is not in my vocabulary. Especially because it represents a way in which women are treated unequally to men (having lots of sex is a bad thing if you’re a woman but admirable if you’re a man – wtf is that?)

@digitalimpression No judgment taken! I think more people are from your “world” than mine in this regard. Most of my friends have one, long-term partner at a time. I’m in no way offended by people not understanding the charm of sleeping around; in fact I’m surprised when they do.

Although re: not remembering bringing someone home, that’s not my style! Remember, I said that I don’t get wasted, I don’t like clubs, and I don’t like staying up super late. My hookups aren’t the type where I wasted-ly meet someone at a bar and we go home together at 3:00 am because we’re super desperate. I meet people totally sober in the middle of the afternoon, deliver a clever line to get their number, and booty call them at like 8:00 pm some other day when we’re both still completely sober. :)

I agree with a lot of you! Personally I don’t get why anyone even cares if someone is a “slut” or not….. Let them be and live your own life! I hate when people call my friend and I sluts… Which I know I’m not because I’m still a virgin! People use the words slut and whore way too freely these days… Thanks for all your responses!

@sliceswiththings Maybe you’re just drunk on sex instead of alcohol. Same difference. =)

@digitalimpression Not at all the same, my friend! :) But thank you for using the correct form of “you’re” for like the first time today!

@sliceswiththings What are your talking about/

@sliceswiththings – that is an interesting approach, what is your batting average? I don’t know at least I don’t think I know or knew, that many women who would decide to have sex with some guy they have met one time. Are you extremely good looking or rich?

I’m of the persuasion that moderation is key in all aspects of life.
Indulgence in excess of any kind is indicative of an underlying problem, imho.

Too much food = fat.
Too many sweets = bad teeth.
Too many cigarettes = Death
Too much sex = The dilution of what could have been something much more significant.

Again, just my humble opinion.

@digitalimpression The problem comes when you can’t just be content to moderate your own life, but have to impose your morals on others and judge all those who don’t abide by your rules, even if it doesn’t have any direct effect on you.

@Aethelflaed We (human beings) impose our morals on society on a daily basis. We have laws based on our moral codes, we shun people who do things not acceptable to society despite what they may believe and we argue with those who believe differently than us. That’s just life.

Relaying a “humble opinion” on a Q&A website is hardly the moderation of another person’s life.

I don’t like the word. An extremely dishonest woman would be one that sleeps with a man who does not want a child (at this point) and she tells him she doesn’t want a child either, does take the pill, and doesn’t like a penis with a condom on it. Then gets pregnant because she didn’t take the pill which is exactly what she wanted.

Sometimes dishonest women meet dishonest cheating men, like what happened to Boris Becker in a broom cupboard in London in 1999. She got pregnant, then rang his wife in Germany and told her about the baby. It was all about money. Was Angela Ermakova, the Russian model, a slut?

Speaking of why slut is a pointless term based on nothing but hatred, said by haters…

@rooeytoo My batting average is pretty good. I tend to forget the ones that didn’t work out, but there are two rejections that come to mind (turns out one was super religious, and one has body image issues). I’m good enough looking, I think people mainly like my forwardness and the no-strings-attached-ness of it all.