At what point did you (or will you) STOP driving your teen around?

There is a reason that they issue drivers licenses. If you feel like he is not getting it because he is depending on you, then I would make certain that he gets it. I wouldn’t think about cutting him off, I would lay some ground rules on when it will get cut off.

Once it is in their hands, carefully foster their independence with it.

We had a rule that they couldn’t get a license until they could pay for their own insurance, so I drove them around a lot.

The last one (23 year old grandson) currently unemployed and unlicensed is getting his next month, and has agreed to take over the yard work and keep the car clean at all times in exchange for his insurance payment – until he gets a job.

My parents don’t drive. Problem solved for them. ;)

@YARNLADY he is currently making scads of money and could afford the car and the insurance.

Give him a reasonable deadline to get his license, then cut him off if he fails to meet the deadline without a reasonable excuse. There will always be exceptions to the rule of driving him around, but they should be taken on case by case.

If you are feeling realy generous, get him a bike to ride instead of driving him to town. We lived 15 miles from school when I was in High School. In the winter we would get a ride to school, but if the weather was nice, we were expected to ride our bikes to and from school.

So odd to me, because the kids I grew up with couldn’t wait to get their license. My SIL also didn’t want to, her parents had to make her. My dad had to kind of insist my mom get hers, she was in her early 20’s, but she grew up in NYC where probably the majority of people don’t have a license, my aunt never had one, and my grandma got hers in her 50’s when she moved to the burbs.

I don’t have children, but I remember being a teen. It seems like the one scary thing is if he feels unsure about driving he might be a very nervous driver. But, most likely he will do fine. If I were you I think I would just tell him he needs to get his license, kind of like a normal right of passage. You don’t have to cut him off completely at first, just make the license something for him to attain, maybe buy him some private driving lessons. I think once he has the license eventually it will become normal for him to help by picking stuff up and driving himself places. I would try not to make it about you being fed up, but him doing the things kids do at his age.

I am assuming you are not talking about driving him to school? I just read @WestRiverrat and that did not even occur to me.

I home school so I am his school lol.

I’ve asked and cajoled and he hasn’t found it important. I realize that once he is inconvenienced enough he’ll want to get it.

The thing is that I have two other children I need to drive to various activities, plus I have a head injured sister who depends on me for everything. I’m overloaded and he’s old enough to become a little more independent.

I was thinking of doing as some have suggested and give him a deadline BUT he doesn’t work well with deadlines.

If he gets a license, won’t he want to drive your car?

Maybe give him private driving lessons as a birthday gift.

@AnonymousGirl even if that is what happens, he can drive the other kids to their activities if he wants to use the car.

@WestRiverrat That’s not necessarily a good thing. I have a friend who drives her Mom’s car a lot… and her Mom doesn’t always get to see it… because she drives it around so much.

@WestRiverrat We’ve already offered to pay for most of his driving lessons when he gets his learners. That was a year ago and still nothing.

I have to say parenting apathy sucks

@AnonymousGirl he can only drive my car if he has the keys. He has enough money saved up to buy a car and insurance. But I don’t really care if he gets his license as he could very easily take transit.

Do you not have a bus transportation system where you live?

Oh. Never mind. Looks like you just covered that.

Yeah. Tell him to get a bus pass (or bus tickets).

It doesn’t sound like he wants to drive. Is he afraid to learn how to?

Is there any chance he’s scared of driving? I know I was so terrified by my first few driving experiences that I put off learning to drive for about a year and a half, until I was in a situation to learn some skills without a big risk of getting hurt or hurting someone. Any chance that’s what’s going on with him?

^^ Yeah. I was definitely wondering the same thing. I am 21 and I am terrified of learning how to drive. I would be turned off if my parents insisted I learned how to drive. When I was a teenager, I was even scared to take public transit on my own because I wasn’t used to it. My Dad came with me, though, and helped me get over my fear of being alone on public transit. I can now take a city bus on my own where I live with no problems.

@Aethelflaed maybe. My hubby took him out to wasteland and let him drive around a bit and he was excited to do so.

But we do have my sister walking around as a cautionary tale of what can go wrong. She’s head injured because some idiot blew a stop sign. She swerved around her and ended up in a head on collision. She was in a coma for 9 months and fucked up…forever.

A wasteland? Does that mean there were no other cars around? Maybe he feels comfortable driving in a place like that, but not where he feels like he might get in a car crash and potentially destroy a life forever.

Are you on a bus line? If he’s old enough to drive, he’s old enough to ride the bus. Or you could get him a bicycle, or maybe even a motorized bicycle.

@tranquilsea Jesus, that’s rough… so maybe you could help him know that it’s ok if he doesn’t want to learn to drive, ever, and you want to help him learn how to get around town safely himself in whatever manner he feels is best for him?

I’m twenty-two and my parents still drive me around. I don’t ask them to take me out much (mostly to the bus stops that are far from my house or to my Significant Other’s house.) I don’t have a license and can’t afford a car anyway. Lately, my older brother has been kind enough to offer me a lift, but I know that I need to learn how to drive soon even though I hate it.

The majority of my friends were given cars as a birthday / graduation gift when they were seventeen. My significant other (who is nineteen) has a car that he is not terribly keen on using. It is not insured yet so he sticks to the bus. His parents are encouraging him to start driving now.

On second thought he has told me he wants to learn how to ride a motorbike I hate that idea. So I don’t think he is worried about accidents.

He has a bike but we live in a city that has winter for 8 months of the year (the snowy, icy kind).

I have asked him why he isn’t getting his license and he just shrugs his shoulders like only a teenager can.

Well, a motorbike would make him stand out for sure! Hmm…

What does he like about the idea of having a motorbike?

You could always offer to let him get the motorbike and learn how to ride it, if he learns how to drive first so you can see he is a responsible driver. The motorbike isn’t any better than a bike in the winter.

^^ This. Yes. It would give him motivation if he truly wants that motorbike.

So, don’t take any offense to this, but are you saying none of his homeschooled peers are driving yet either? I guess maybe part of what made us all want to drive at 16 was that in school most of our friends were doing it.

Most parents I know are like you, they want to finally stop being a chaffeur, and as much as their child driving is a little nerve racking, they are happy they got their license finally.

Since he is schooled at home do you help choose his coursework? Next unit should be studying the drivers handbook. Make sure he sits up front every time you drive. Have him help you get places. If he is usually passive in the car in the back, he needs to become a more active passenger. Make a wrong turn, or ask him where to turn, etc. He will feel more confident himself that way. Also, if you have an adult relative who can step in and take him driving that might help. Some sort of, “my uncle took me out on my first drive, so uncle Dan is excited about taking you.” I don’t know just throwing out some suggestions.

Eventually I think you will have to say, “I can’t drive you there.” Even if it is a lie. He will probably be pissed at you, but anger is much more motivating than apathy.

Hey, I have an adult daughter age 23 who STILL does not drive. We’ve cajoled, quizzed her on the driver’s handbook, manipulated, and done everything we could think of to get her driver’s liscence. On her own, she’s signed up to be a “student driver” more times than I can count, but she’s never taken the driver’s test. She’s a 4.0 student who walks everywhere, rides the bus, or gets a ride somehow. Her friends adore her, and seem to be willing to go out of their way to pick her up, so it works for her. We’re beginning to think she’ll never get her liscence. If she ends up living in Japan as she plans, that probably won’t be a big deal.

Some folks simply don’t want to learn to drive.

Do you know why he isn’t getting his license? Is he scared?

I ask this as an unliceensed 19 year old who’s scared out of her wits about driving. He might need your help getting through it more than he needs you throwing him into the deep end without a life vest.

I definitely understand your frustration and I know it might have helped motivate me if my parents had started refusing rides. I do also think I would have felt a little resentful though. Make sure you know the source of the procrastination!