How do I get my family's maids to stop misplacing things and throwing things out that should not be thrown out?

Just tell the butler to keep an eye on them.

^^ Funny answer, but we don’t have a butler. :(

Oh.
My bad.

So tell the maid to stay out of your room and clean up after yourself. Problem solved and you might learn something in the process.

And do you know how bad what you just wrote makes you sound? It is really bad.

@johnpowell How do you get that I do not clean up after myself out of what I said? Have you ever had a maid? It doesn’t sound like it. You say what I said makes me sound bad, but what you said makes you sound extremely judgemental. Not helpful at all!

I have never had one. But I didn’t think graduating high school was something special since it wasn’t hard to do. We live on different planets.

You have never had one—you said so yourself. Your attitude towards me also shows that you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I do clean up after myself and I do my own laundry, so I don’t appreciate you jumping to conclusions about me. If you’re not going to be helpful, leave me alone.

Have your father inform the staff…eh…maids…that your room is “off limits”. Since you clean up after yourself, there really is no need for the maids to be in your room anyway.

Problem solved.

^^ They are paid to clean that room, and my Dad won’t have that. It does need to be vacuumed.

I don’t see why your father would object to you cleaning your own room, including vacuuming, if you were to ask him.
I don’t know of housekeepers that are paid by the room… most are paid hourly. Do they receive pay specifically for each room? I really think the best solution would just be to ask them not to clean up in there.

^^ I’m not sure. I could ask. I could also explain to them next time they come why I don’t want them “organizing my things”. In the meantime, I’ve moved most of those things to the basement (because the basement is off-limits to them).

Gee…I’m really striking out today.

Maybe, ask the maids not to misplace or throw out your things?

If you are old enough to have graduated from anything where it involved a mortarboard, then stand up for yourself and tell the maids not to come in your room, tell your Dad to tell the maids not to come in your room, and vacuum it yourself, which, unless the room is about 2000 square feet should not be a burden. Really, this should not have to be an issue. Or get a big chest that you can lock to put your stuff in.

I wholly sympathize with your predicament. I specifically told that lazy Hobbesworth that my ascots were to be lightly starched and placed in the vanity to the right of the sock-garters. Yet, that gormless minger consistently places them to the left!

Your father’s house, your father’s rules. Don’t like it? Move out, get yourself a job, and clean your own place. ... and don’t take Daddy’s credit cards with you.

You know you’re raising a whole host of class issues here, right? Most people don’t have maids and will make a bunch of assumptions about how you don’t know what it’s really like if you don’t have to take care of the house like most of us do?

The thing about maids is that you don’t know what their education is. You have to actually train them very carefully and the biggest mistake you can make here is assuming they have the same cultural understandings that you do. They don’t.

You have a fancy education. They may not even know what a mortorboard is, and can think it is junk. What is obvious to you is not garbage, may not at all be obvious to them. After all, you throw out all kinds of things they would never throw out. You have to be open to the possibility that you notions of garbage are so mutually incompatible that you have to literally go item by item in the room to teach them what it treasure and what is trash.

Also, they will likely not have the same kind of furniture or way of saving and organizing things that you do. They may not recognize that the way something is displayed indicates it is treasure. They may see it as garbage sitting out on the bedstand.

We had a housecleaner who was Eritrean. She didn’t speak English. She couldn’t say my wife’s name—transposing the last two syllables. Whenever she cleaned the house, it was always an adventure finding things. It’s easy to jump to nasty conclusions, right? She must have taken them?

Think about it. When you clean a room, you need to clear the surfaces in order to clear them. Then, afterwards, you have to put things back. You and I live with our own stuff on a daily basis. We could probably find it all blindfolded. The maid doesn’t know what this stuff is, nor who it belongs to, nor why it is there, and she sees it only once a week or once a month or whatever. The instant she moves it to a temporary spot, she forgets where it came from.

What’s she going to do? Maybe try to guess by thinking about where she would put it, but she doesn’t live here and her house is nothing like yours. Maybe she’ll even put it in a place where she mistakes it for garbage. Doesn’t the tassel look stupid and useless all on its own?

I can’t explain all the things she threw out—the books and whatnot.

I think you might do better if you set up rules. There are a range of rules. Maybe the maid doesn’t go in your room at all. Maybe she goes in, but only sweeps the floor and changes the sheets and does the laundry. Maybe there is a box for her to put things in when she cleans off surfaces and she doesn’t try to put anything back. Maybe she is not allowed to throw anything out. I don’t know. You have to negotiate this with your maid.

This can be a pretty serious issue. Once, after the maid left, I couldn’t find a medicine that was pretty important. Another time, the phone had disappeared. Both appeared in a basket on the top shelf in the bathroom. Obviously she had put them in there temporarily, and then forgotten they were there. Out of sight, out of mind.

We’re human beings. We don’t think alike. We need to go back to basics. No assumptions about what people know, especially when they are from a different economic class. Build an understanding with communication and kindness.

If the basement is off limits, why can’t your room be off limits? That seems simple enough, to me.
If you already keep your room tidy and don’t wish for them to organize… a quick wipe-down with a dust rag and running the sweeper takes 5 minutes. Seems like less hassle, overall.

@GladysMensch I tried not to laugh. I really, really did.

@MrItty That was a really unnecessary comment. I do live with my parents, but I help around the house… and I have never once abused (or even used) my father’s credit card(s). Moving out is not a bad idea, though.

No, it was a really necessary comment. You have shown a severe lack of understanding of the real world. If you’ve graduated, you’re an adult, and it’s time for you to learn some lessons about how things work for those without your Daddy’s money.

That’s judgemental…

The fact that you don’t think you’ve “abused” your father’s credit cards is proof of that, btw. Your father has supported you your entire life, everything that you do, see, eat, and experience came from his money.

You don’t seem to get it. I have never used a credit card in my life and I have rarely ever asked my father for things I don’t need.

@MrItty I don’t think that depending on your parents, especially as a minor, is considered “abuse” of their finances. If someone is privileged and able to have nice things as a result of their parents being able to afford such things, that does not mean that this child is taking advantage of their parents.

No, YOU don’t seem to get it. You wear clothing. You eat food. You live in a house that has running water and electricity. EVERYTHING about your life is 100% dependent on your father’s money. Adults don’t work that way. Move out, get a job, and support yourself, and you’ll grow up right quick.

@AnonymousGirl : Instead of getting offended, how about appreciating that some of us are actually giving you reasonable advice. When you bring up a class-based issue like this, expect to be slapped a bit. Your outrage is a bit egregious.

@ANef_is_Enuf She used the word “abuse” first, not I. And she’s not a minor.

I never said I was a minor (I am 21), but @MrItty is jumping to conclusions about me. I have a right to defend myself against that. He is using this question as an excuse to attack me and make false assumptions about me. I do appreciate that other people have given me reasonable advice. I have read things and I will get back to them.

Please name a single false assumption I have made.

Are you an adult? Yes.
Are you still living with your parents? Yes.
Are you still depending on their money? Yes.

What other assumption have I made?

@AnonymousGirl @MrItty loves to poke people. You’re giving him a lot of satisfaction. I wouldn’t bother to reply to him if I were you.

I poke people who need to be deflated.

You seem to think I do not buy my own clothes. In fact, this is not true anymore. I do buy my own clothes. The last time I used my Dad’s money was to buy milk for the family, and I prefer limiting it to those sorts of things. I’ve used my own money to buy shawarmas for dinner for my entire family who still lives at home to show appreciation for my family.

@wundayatta Thanks for the warning. I did not know. I will no longer give this “man” who thinks so highly of himself anymore attention in this thread.

You buy your own clothes? With what? Where does your money come from? You have a job of your own? Or money that Daddy gave you in a trust fund? If you have a job, then why haven’t you moved out yet? Again, you are an adult. And you are living in someone else’s house. Back to my original response – his house, his rules. Deal with it, or leave. Simple as that.

I thought this question had some potential to generate a little flame. Glad you guys didn’t disappoint.

Shawarmas? Boy, do I feel ignorant…!

Shawarma is a Levantine Arab sandwich-like wrap of shaved lamb, goat, chicken, turkey, beef, or mixed meats.

How do you like that? Learn something new everyday!

I don’t see why this can’t be taken down a notch. Did each of us have the wisdom and knowledge of the world when we were 21? I highly doubt it. No need to be so shitty about it. There could be a valuable lesson learned here, not necessary to cram it down her throat.

@ANef_is_Enuf “If the basement is off limits, why can’t your room be off limits? That seems simple enough, to me.”

That makes sense. I could tell them that (or at least to stay away from certain things and why). We are on friendly terms with them, so we can talk.

“If you already keep your room tidy and don’t wish for them to organize… a quick wipe-down with a dust rag and running the sweeper takes 5 minutes. Seems like less hassle, overall.”

Makes sense.

@wundayatta “You know you’re raising a whole host of class issues here, right?”

I wasn’t thinking about class issues… I was thinking about ways to solve a problem. I don’t consider it a class issue.

“Most people don’t have maids and will make a bunch of assumptions about how you don’t know what it’s really like if you don’t have to take care of the house like most of us do?”

I had hoped people would be reasonable (and for the most part, people were). If people are making assumptions like that, you are right—they are making assumptions. My family is not rich, and it’s not true that we don’t ever take care of our home. My Dad hires maids once a week to give us a break because we have to clean each other day (and even on the day that the maids come, but it’s easier then). I live in a huge family and several people live here, so we may even have to clean more than other families do.

“The thing about maids is that you don’t know what their education is. You have to actually train them very carefully and the biggest mistake you can make here is assuming they have the same cultural understandings that you do. They don’t.”

They are people, just like me. They are citizens in the same country I am a citizen in and they are not ignorant. They understand Canadian culture. Being a maid is their job. That being said, we can talk and I know a lot about one of them because she’s been a maid who cleans my house for a while. She went to school in this very province and graduated from school in this very province as well. The other is more new, but I can get to know her as well if I want to.

“You have a fancy education.”

I graduated from an alternative High School, just like one of those maids did. That’s one of the reasons I connect with her so well.

“They may not even know what a mortorboard is, and can think it is junk. What is obvious to you is not garbage, may not at all be obvious to them. After all, you throw out all kinds of things they would never throw out. You have to be open to the possibility that you notions of garbage are so mutually incompatible that you have to literally go item by item in the room to teach them what it treasure and what is trash.”

They understand computers enough, but I see your point. I can explain to them what I find valuable and why it is important to me.

“Also, they will likely not have the same kind of furniture or way of saving and organizing things that you do. They may not recognize that the way something is displayed indicates it is treasure. They may see it as garbage sitting out on the bedstand.”

Alright. They are Canadian like me, though, so I think they understand the furniture…

“We had a housecleaner who was Eritrean. She didn’t speak English. She couldn’t say my wife’s name—transposing the last two syllables. Whenever she cleaned the house, it was always an adventure finding things. It’s easy to jump to nasty conclusions, right? She must have taken them?”

I know these maids aren’t thieves and I understand your answer more that you’ve let me know this. These maids speak English, though. One of them has been a maid for us for a while and knows several of us by name. It seems like she has gotten so comfortable with us that she has taken to organizing things that are already organized, just not in a way that she likes. I could explain to her why I don’t want her to organize my things—that I organize them a certain way so that I know where they are, and when she decides to organize them her way, I don’t know where my things are anymore.

“Think about it. When you clean a room, you need to clear the surfaces in order to clear them. Then, afterwards, you have to put things back. You and I live with our own stuff on a daily basis. We could probably find it all blindfolded. The maid doesn’t know what this stuff is, nor who it belongs to, nor why it is there, and she sees it only once a week or once a month or whatever. The instant she moves it to a temporary spot, she forgets where it came from.”

I see. Yes, I may just keep a lot of this stuff in the basement from now on while I still live with my parents.

“What’s she going to do? Maybe try to guess by thinking about where she would put it, but she doesn’t live here and her house is nothing like yours. Maybe she’ll even put it in a place where she mistakes it for garbage. Doesn’t the tassel look stupid and useless all on its own?”

To me, no. To her, maybe.

“I can’t explain all the things she threw out—the books and whatnot.”

Understandable. Neither can I. I could ask to please be more careful about what is thrown out, though. Would that be reasonable?

“I think you might do better if you set up rules. There are a range of rules. Maybe the maid doesn’t go in your room at all. Maybe she goes in, but only sweeps the floor and changes the sheets and does the laundry.”

Rules are a good idea. They are pretty clear, though—pick things up off the floor so that the maids can vacuum. These maids don’t do laundry. They don’t change sheets. Nor should they. That’s not what they are paid to do. I would be uncomfortable with them doing my laundry, anyway. I prefer doing my own.

“Maybe there is a box for her to put things in when she cleans off surfaces and she doesn’t try to put anything back. Maybe she is not allowed to throw anything out. I don’t know. You have to negotiate this with your maid.”

I like that box idea. I also like the idea of limiting what they can and can’t throw out.

“This can be a pretty serious issue. Once, after the maid left, I couldn’t find a medicine that was pretty important. Another time, the phone had disappeared. Both appeared in a basket on the top shelf in the bathroom. Obviously she had put them in there temporarily, and then forgotten they were there. Out of sight, out of mind.”

Aww. I am glad you found them. :) Thank you also for understanding me!

“We’re human beings. We don’t think alike. We need to go back to basics. No assumptions about what people know, especially when they are from a different economic class. Build an understanding with communication and kindness.”

I don’t consider them from a different economic class. I can relate to them quite well. I’ve wanted to be a maid myself. You are right that we are humans and don’t always think alike. I will keep that in mind.

Thank you for giving me solutions! That goes for everyone else who has given me solutions, too. I appreciate it. Solutions are what I was looking for.

Holy shit, @wundayatta has a sister.

@JilltheTooth “If you are old enough to have graduated from anything where it involved a mortarboard, then stand up for yourself and tell the maids not to come in your room, tell your Dad to tell the maids not to come in your room, and vacuum it yourself, which, unless the room is about 2000 square feet should not be a burden. Really, this should not have to be an issue. Or get a big chest that you can lock to put your stuff in.”

A big chest? I like that idea. Anyway, I have decided to place my things in the basement… mostly—except the books I borrow from the library and my bed and sheets. I am most worried about my 4-year-old niece’s books, though… that one of her favourite books was thrown out makes me sad. I think I will let them know about that book and to ask them to please be more careful about throwing out books. They love my niece and enjoy it while she’s here, so I’m sure they will understand that.

@ANef_is_Enuf “I don’t see why this can’t be taken down a notch. Did each of us have the wisdom and knowledge of the world when we were 21? I highly doubt it. No need to be so shitty about it. There could be a valuable lesson learned here, not necessary to cram it down her throat.”

Thank you for your support. I “babysit” quite a bit as I help take care of one of my older siblings children often. I haven’t needed to do that recently, though, because of the holidays. I do plan on getting what some might consider a “real” job sometime in February, after I’ve dealt with a private issue.

I really like the idea of having a basket in your room where the maids can just drop something if they have to pick it up. Then your not having to slog stuff down to the basement.

I would even put a sign on the basket that reads to that effect.

Still surprised that @AnonymousGirl doesn’t get the “class” issue here. Hmmmm.

@JilltheTooth I was thinking the same thing, but had decided to give up on it. Can you explain what is involved, classwise, perhaps?

Honestly, I don’t get the class issue either. My mother is a nurse. When she hired someone to clean for us, she hired an out-of-work engineer. He was very wealthy and didn’t need the job, but he liked working. He was the same race, the same ethnicity, spoke the same language, and was of a higher social class. We shouldn’t make assumptions merely because of the word “maid.” People hire other people to do work all the time. Not everyone who hires a plumber, for instance, is rich.

I also think that the OP is doesn’t “get” the class issue, because I suspect that it isn’t actually the way that others are reading it to be. I think it may be a misunderstanding, on both parts. Perhaps.

I think “maids” is the red flag her and “cleaning ladies” might be more what is meant.

I think @janbb has the right of it.

I would link their company website here (because it explains what they do better), but I like them, so I don’t want to attach anything negative to their name publicly. They are people who clean homes. A family who uses their services is not necessarily rich. It is not a class issue at all to me. I see their company cars around the city when I am out, so I know other people in this city use their services also. They are a trusted company.

I think the chest idea is a good one. Put all your stuff that you find of value in the chest. Every room in the house belongs to your parents so if they pay someone to clean it and wish it so than that is the way it has to be. Just ask for a chest for you to put things in that you wish never to be touched or if you have a desk than ask if you can ask the maid to not touch it since you will care for it. Let your father know so if he ever sees a mess on the desk than the maid won’t get blamed for its condition.
All shes thinking is if the room doesn’t look spotless than she doesn’t look like she is doing her job and will get fired. You might want to put a sign on your door saying do not disturb when your sleeping in. However keep in mind she has a schedule she has to keep. You can afford to sleep in but she can’t afford to not do her job in a timely manner. You will always be your daddys girl but she won’t always be the maid if your folks think she is slacking in her job performance.

@AnonymousGirl : We all had a semantic misunderstanding. “Maids” often implies live-in staff, while “cleaning crew” or “cleaning women” implies independent contractors, business people.

@Pandora Thanks for the advice. :) I know it is not my decision which rooms she can and can’t clean. You’re right. I have an old boot box in the basement that I put stuff in. My Dad cannot see, but I don’t think he would get rid of her anyway. We like her. If I have a problem with her, it’s okay for me to tell her so and to give her solutions (so that it’s not just complaints). I definitely understand that she has a schedule to keep and I respect that.

@JilltheTooth Oh, okay. Yeah, they don’t live here. They only come here for a few hours once a week. They are called maids and the word “Maids” is in their company name, though, so that’s why I called them that. They are paid to do certain things, but not others.

@AnonymousGirl Sometimes if a question or comment you make generates this kind of flame and you can’t understand why, stop and make sure everyone understands what you’re saying. It’s easy to miscommunicate online. I should have said something earlier. My bad.

I felt like I was being clear, so I didn’t feel that it was necessary to explain myself more than I had. I was wrong to make that conclusion. I’m sorry about that.

@AnonymousGirl When we hear maids we jumped to the conclusion you had a staff taking care of the house, laundry, etc. I did it too. I feel like an idiot. We should be apologizing to you. Sorry.

It’s fine. You weren’t rude to me and you didn’t start attacking my life or my employment status as if you knew every last thing about me from just this question thread, so I don’t feel I need one from you. :)

Thanks. I did make a pretty good joke at your expense. :)

You’re welcome. I can handle a good joke at my expense. Don’t worry about that. @SABOTEUR and @GladysMensch made jokes also, but I wasn’t offended by them, either.

Never mind those who are jealous about you even having a maid. I used to have the same problem. My house worker (maid, housecleaner, cook and all) used to take clothes out of my closet for donations that I hadn’t even worn yet.

I think the idea of having them put your stuff in a basket and let you go through it first is a great idea.

I’m a broke ass person, and we have a cleaning service come every two weeks (Merry Maids), just for some perspective.

We hate to clean, so we hire someone to do it. My ex does the same, and our kids had very similar issues to those @AnonymousGirl mentioned. We honor their wishes for their private domains, so their rooms in both of our homes are off-limits.

I don’t get why people are being so weird about this question. She was just asking how to get the maid to not throw away her things. If people can afford maids, there is nothing wrong with it. If someone is taken care of their parent’s, there is nothing wrong with that either. I just turned 22 and my dad helped me pay my bills, gave me money for food, etc, when I was living on my own. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. As long as the person is a nice person and working towards bettering themselves. People who are privileged shouldn’t be judged either. My family had a maid in Russia, I never treated her wrong and we all loved her. She enjoyed her job and she was like a part of the family. If a girl does use her father’s credits cards, so what ?

I think it’s great if people can afford maids or cooks, and if they can’t, nothing wrong with that either.

If someone threw something away of mine, then I would just let her know to not throw anything away.

@YARNLADY They may be jealous, but they might not be. Oh well. Their comments say more about them than they say about me. It is only a class issue to those who make it a class issue. If they view “maids” on a lower social status than others, they are the ones who have the problem. I personally do not. I view them as people, just like anyone else. I grew up being taught that their jobs are important, along with other jobs that people are looked down on for having like being a janitor. I have volunteered at a camp I loved as a teenager and that involved cleaning toilets, doing dishes, etc. I do not view these things as “below” me like certain people who took on a holier-than-thou attitude who answered my question seem to think. If I was so “high class”, I would have had braces when I was younger. As it stands, my teeth are still not perfectly straight. My parents could not afford braces for any of us. If I ever get them, the money will most likely come out of my own pocket. If I end up going to college, I don’t plan on relying on my parents as it’s really not something they can afford, either. I was attacked on this thread for being attached to an old High School. Well, High School was very hard for me to graduate from. I did not want to be a High School drop out, though, so I did not give up on my goal to graduate completely. I ended up going to an alternative school because regular High School was not working for me. I graduated in June ‘11. That’s why my graduation means a lot to me—because I was scared I would never be able to graduate and finally managed to. High School was a struggle for me to get through and I went through hard times the couple of people on this thread who judged me too quickly and too harshly have probably never experienced in their lives. Their lives may have been far easier than mine has been, ironically.

I decided most of that stuff will be kept in the basement.

@augustlan & @partyrock Thank you so much! We don’t use the Merry Maid service, but the maid service we use seems very similar to that one. The credit card thing is irrelevant, though. I’ve never used a credit card in my life, so the comments about credit cards were highly unnecessary. I used the word “abuse” because that man seemed to IMPLY I was abusing them when I wasn’t… How could I be if I have never even used one? So, yes, he jumped to conclusions about me and decided to treat me like a stupid child just because he felt he knew everything about how I live my life based on very limited information. I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this because I said I would give him no more attention in this thread, but oh well.