Do you think it is a bad thing to have moles?

You can’t help how you look in that regard, but you can help how you treat others! Your “friends” and acquaintances need a reality check, and lessons in good manners!

Oh, I get heated up just thinking about this! I’m sorry for your pain, and it’s real pain for sure. I’m sure your dad is trying to help you through this, but you are right. Unless he’s experienced that exact same rejection, he’ll never have any clue.

On the bright side, having this thing helps you sort out the good folks from the bad ones. If you find someone who doesn’t treat you like this, hang on to them, because they’ll be friends for life!

In the meantime, you could research how much it would cost to get it taken off. I’m also wondering if you have asked a make-up artist how to help you minimize the problem.

There is nothing wrong with moles, but if it makes you feel disgusting, it is quite a simple proceedure to have them removed. It probably won’t make you more attractive, but if you feel more attractive, go for it.

Moles happen, sun or not. Don’t blame yourself for your moles.

Then, I want you to have a look at this: http://clutch.mtv.com/2011/05/11/beautiful-women-with-moles

Having moles doesn’t make you a horrible person. Criticizing someone for having them does. It is like telling someone they shouldn’t have brown eyes.

If it is particularly dark and large, you could have it removed. I knew a guy with a very large mole on his chest. His doctor decided to remove it and check it for cancer cells, just to be on the safe side. There really wasn’t any cancer scare. It was more for vanity’s sake. It was just a way to get it done by a public hospital.

I have a scar on my chin that I got when I was about 3. The doctor really botched the stitching job and I think it is hideous, but it doesn’t matter. Most of the time, I completely forget about it.

There is nothing uglier than picking on someone’s insecurities. Who ever is making you feel bad about this is the hideous one. There is nothing more beautiful than a woman who has confidence in her looks.

I bet Cindy Crawford hated the mole on her upper lip when she was younger. It became her trademark. (pun intended)

Now, stop calling it a mole and start calling it a ‘beauty mark’. That is what it is.

I’m all for having it removed if it bothers you. It is such a simple procedure, it’s not worth anguishing over. It shouldn’t effect your self worth, but obviously it does. I hope you can get your parents to help you out with this. I know that for me, it was getting my teeth straight. I didn’t do it until I was in my 40’s and I can’t believe how freeing it is to smile without holding my hand over my mouth. I never even realized how much I did it until I no longer felt the need to.

Your dermatologist could take care of that with such a simple procedure, it’s just done in the office, 1,2,3. All of the things people say about your self worth and not being hurt by others’ opinions is all true, and all good, but if it makes you self conscious and it’s a simple procedure to remove, just do it and be done with it. If you are covered under insurance, your dermatologist will code it so that the procedure is covered. I had my dermatologist removed some skin tags and he codes it as if it was red and inflamed, or bleeding (I’m not sure exactly what he said) and insurance pays for it. Done!

You could benefit from working with a therapist. Your problem is not so much the moles (which are genetic) but how you view them.

Your dad is right that no one is really looking at them or thinking about them, but that will not help until you believe it. That is where a good therapist comes in.

If it is just one or two moles on your face I think you should remove them if it bothers you. It may leave a small scar, is your skin very pale/white? The lighter your skin the less a scar will be noticeable, and it will most likely only be noticeable for six months and then will fade.

Is someone trying to talk you out of removing a mole or two?

Oh, you mentioned your dad. Parents can absolutely suck about things like this. They love you just the way you are and see your beauty, little marks or wild unmanageable hair or crooked teeth mean nothing to them. Well, I think they need to take a moment and think what it is like to be you, and not view you as their perfect, just as you are, daughter. I am sure you are wonderful just as you are, but if you feel that bad about it, I think your parents should understand.

How old are you?

I agree with @marinelife. Some therapy could really help you. Having the mole removed may help you too but realize you will be left with a proportional scar.

There will always be people who are jerks. I found it very hard dealing with those people when I was younger. It’s been a bit easier now that I’m older and have some perspective.

As others have stated the people who rib you about any part of your appearance are the ones you can just cut loose. The fact that they are ribbing you says more about them than it does about you.

It may be helpful to spend some time looking at yourself in the mirror. Instead of focusing on your flaws focus on the beautiful things about yourself. It may feel very false at first but after some time you’ll start to believe yourself. Then your flaws won’t seem so large. I, personally, believe my flaws are what sets me apart from everyone else (amongst other things).

@marinelife had the best response that I’ve seen so far. “Moles” are just an easy target for you to say “This is what’s wrong with me and why I’m insecure.” It’s not that easy.

After you get rid of the moles, then what? You’ll find after an initial euphoria (after the bandages are removed, of course, because the healing won’t be instantaneous from any surgical procedure) that there will be something else wrong, some other defect or ailment to be cured, and which holds you back.

It’s all in your mind.

I had a great-uncle whom I didn’t meet until late in his life. My parents tried to “prepare” me for meeting Uncle Herbert, because he had a huge port-wine birthmark over the entire left side of his face. They didn’t want me to be shocked, disgusted or put off by it. You thought Gorbachev had a birthmark? That was nothing compared to Uncle Herbert’s; his was darker and covered nearly all of the left side of his face, from chin to forehead. And within five minutes after meeting him, it didn’t matter at all. He didn’t dwell on it, and neither did I.

@CWOTUS that is quite true. I have a friend who has a port-wine birthmark across the right side of her face. I heard her say, more than a few times, that if she could change one thing about herself it would be to whiten her teeth. The birthmark had just become a part of her.

@JLeslie I am 21. I also have really pale/white skin. I am not worried about a scar. A scar is better, in my opinion. Yes, there are people who have tried to talk me out of having it removed… but I really feel like they don’t really understand because they’re not as judgemental and insensitive as some other people are. My family Doctor made me an appointment with a dermatologist a while back and I should be seeing him next month.

As for the people suggesting moles are an easy target for me to pick out, no, I don’t think you understand. That’s the same argument my Dad used, but I don’t feel he understood, either. That’s like saying I want to be insecure and will be insecure no matter what when that’s simply not true at all. You can say people don’t care, but there are people who do. I am glad you guys are accepting, but sadly that’s not true for everyone.

@AnonymousGirl 21, well I think that is old enough to decide you really want to remove it. You are not 14 and acting hastily. If you also obsess about other parts of your body I might worry you need a therapists, but if this quick little fix will make you feel much better about yourself just do it. It is no different than everyone on this Q who spends time at the beauty parlor cutting and dying their hair in my opinion.

Nevi, as long as they are benign, can be quite aesthetically pleasing. You did nothing wrong, just own it gurl. Nevi don’t make you a witch or a bad person, that’s positively medieval thinking.

☑ out thisbook, the heroine/damsel in distress/great beauty renowned all over the world is referred to as a ‘speckled beauty’.

@JLeslie I am mostly okay with my body otherwise. :) It’s just those things… and before, my acne. My acne isn’t as bad as it was, though, so I don’t mind it as much. I’ve already decided I’d get it done. I’ve wanted to since I was still in my teens, maybe even when I was 12… possibly even younger. I agree with your comparison, but this seems more expensive.

@everephebe :) Aw, you’re sweet! I ended up looking “Nevi” up because I thought you meant somebody else at first. ^_^

@AnonymousGirl I don’t know how large the mole is? Assuming it is a typical 1–3 milimeters it should not be very expensive. When I get my hair highlighted and cut at the salon it is $150! If the doctor can code it as something that needed to be checked insurance will probably cover some of it.

You said “those things” which other things?

Oh, really? O_O! That’s a lot! Okay, maybe they are around the same price. Those things = moles I don’t like. This one is too big for my liking. I am not exaggerating.

You are obsessed with this situation. Let people accept you as you are or not at all. I cannot help that one of my feet is one-half longer than the other. I blame this on my parents and then go on with my life.

This overly concern will land you in the grave if you do not let go of it. My grandmother was in the same situation as you…......a mole on the left side of her cheek. She never let this interfere with her life and rightly so.

People will accept you, as you are, if you will just let them. Dismiss the off-beat comments and try to make a joke out of it. This will benefit your nerves as well as satisfying all the off-color jokes.

Life is what you make it. You need to make it a fun time for yourself and just let go of the mole obsession.

I am at a loss as to why advice would be to go into therapy over a mole. Therapy over something that can’t be changed, such as a severe handicap, yes. Therapy over something that is such a quick fix to deal with? Really? Get it taken care of, and if it still bothers you, or you have other body image issues, then therapy is all good and advisable. However, a young girl, with our appearance obsessed society, with something that she is self conscious about and is such a minor thing yet it’s on her face in an obvious spot, it can be gone in two seconds at a quick appointment in a dermatologist’s office. If the girl still has insecurities that are plaguing her, and mole removal does not help with some insecurities, then go into therapy about that.

@jca In this society, if you’re not confident about everything about yourself or you show lack of self-esteem, you need help, you need fixing, you need to uncover deep-seated emotional issues…

If she gets the mole taken care of, and she still has deep seated emotional issues, she still has lack of self esteem, therapy is great. I am a big fan of therapy, not one to say don’t have it if you want it, all I’m saying is this is a simple fix and so easy to fix. Then if she still feels a need to discuss this or other issues, go for it.

Having moles is not a bad thing. It doesn’t have to be something you like, though. If the mole bothers you, and you can afford to, get it removed. Why force yourself to accept something you don’t have to if you have a simple solution? If there are additional emotional issues to be dealt with as well, I encourage you do work on them too.

My husband’s family has some serious moles. My husband doesn’t think much about his other than as a tool to gauge his receding hairline. I don’t really notice them on people in general, but I notice his mom’s moles a lot now that I know her better. I think it is because I’m finding “flaws” to help her appearance match her personality.

@john65pennington I appreciate the story about your grandmother and the advice to learn to view life in a more humourous way.

You are right that I am obsessed with this situation and maybe I shouldn’t be. That being said, it is still important to me and I still want it gone. I just feel I would be more… confident… with it gone.

I know some might say this is letting the bullies win, and maybe it is… and maybe I’m weak… but I’ve let it hold me back for too long. I want to work at a job where I can wear my hair up without feeling like I’m being judged.

Maybe I am wrong and nobody would judge me, but that doesn’t change that there have been real people who have taunted me and bullied me for simply having that one. Most of these people might not have any idea how I felt when they did this… I didn’t cry in front of them. I didn’t make it obvious. I acted like I was ignoring their comments. At home, I cried.

Maybe I should have laughed along with them. Maybe I should make jokes about it. But why should they comment on it in the first place? I know I can’t change other people, though. I can only change myself.

I guess what you are telling me is that I can change how I respond to things. If so, I agree. I can, even though it might be hard and feel odd at first.

@jca Thank you so much for understanding me! I really appreciate it.

@Supacase :) I really needed that! Thank you.

There are other emotional issues, but a lot of them are caused by them. As @john65pennington said, perhaps my obsession with them (in other words, how much I don’t like them and view them as a curse) is my problem. If I get rid of the ones I don’t like (especially this one), I can see myself being a much happier person.

Yes, there do happen to be other things I want to fix… but they are pretty normal (in my opinion). I want to get braces (when I can afford them), but I have been recommended to get them during check-ups. I feel that it would be easier to brush my teeth and floss them if I were to do this. It would be nice to have a clear face with perfect skin, too.. but I don’t think I’m as obsessed about those things.

I know some might say that I will be obsessed with those things if I get the moles I don’t like removed because I will “move on to something else to be insecure about”, but I really doubt that’s the case. What they seem to be forgetting is that I know myself and my feelings. While what they are saying might be true for certain other people, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be true for me. It’s projecting how certain other people deal with their insecurities (not necessarily them) on to me.

Moles, you mean beauty marks? Moles are sexy. I used to hate my moles and granted I am no super model, not even close but most of my girlfriends have told me that they liked my moles. My daughter when she was very young, used to make fun of them but moles….They are cool.

Well, I don’t think I can help with the psychological issue of it, but my ex-boyfriend had a lot of moles and that was one of the many things that made him adorable. It never even occurred to me to view it in a negative light.

However, I have a friend who for some reason (it seems to run in his family), the skin on his hands is always dry and rough. He can put on lotion and that will work for the day, but he’ll wake up with dry and rough skin, it doesn’t matter what soap he uses or whatever, it’s just always been that way, even when he was little and he told me that he’d see people with baby-smooth hands and he’d always resent them and always feel like he was cursed with it. So that’s sort of similar, but not as noticeable. Either way, you’re not alone, I guess is what I’m trying to say. But at least moles can be removed and you can do something about it, I don’t think you can do anything about rough-skin other than a lotion fix that only lasts for a few hours…

Even very confident people who have high self esteem and don’t overfocus on looks get moles removed, please.

I was born with a beauty mark on the back of my thigh. I used to think it would be better if I didn’t have it, but now it is one of my marks. As I sit here I don’t know which leg it is on LOL I think it is my right? So, I understand what people are saying about these things becoming what makes you you. Anyway, it isn’t on my face! I don’t see why people don’t understand in our beauty obsessed society why a young woman especially might want to get rid of it and not have any other serious body issues? Like @jca said, if she also wanted to change many more things on her body to feel better about herself, then maybe she should ponder going to therapy. My nose is on the large side, my mom said to me more than once when I was young, “if you want a nose job, I’ll pay for one.” I had not even noticed my nose until she started bringing it up! She also told me not to part my hair in the middle because it will make my nose look longer. This was during Charlie’s Angels days when a middle part was very in. I never did get a nose job, but no one in school ever pointed it out, and I never felt self conscious about it, who knows why some things bother us, and other things don’t. One little mole that has bothered someone for many many years? This is such a nothing to me.

I remember once listening to Dr. Laura’s radio show, and a mom called in asking how she could convince her 14 year old she is beautiful as she is, and she should not remove a mole that I think was on her stomach? Not sure the location, and could be seen when she was in her swimsuit if I remember correctly. Dr. Laura’s answer was, and I paraphrase here, let the kid get the mole removed. Don’t you remember being a teen? It’s just a mole, she wants to feel good about her body, it is a simple procedure. Dr. Laura is a licensed therapist.

@DominicX I wonder if ultraviolet light therapy would help your friend? There is a machine that can be bought for at home use now, and sometimes insurance covers it. I think it’s main use is for psoriasis.

You always notice things about yourself way more than other people notice them. I feel like I can shed a lot of light on this issue. I have probably 15 moles on my face alone. I have been extremely insecure about them, one in particular right at the end of my eyebrow, and the biggest one, since I can remember. Probably since I was about 10. Being a woman in this culture and constantly seeing ads of beautiful women with perfect flawless skin has not been easy and although I know that shit is photoshopped and not real and nobody is perfect, it still made me feel bad.

I finally got the one by my eyebrow removed. And let me just tell you, stop right there if you’re thinking of having one removed. It looks worse now than it did before and more than one person has asked me if I have chocolate on my face….yes the mole is gone but now there is a spattering of little brown dots. Apprently the pigment goes farther down and sometimes they can’t get it all. So it looks like shit. Luckily I wear glasses and they mostly cover it.

Anyhow, over the past year or so I’ve become a lot more comfortable with them. I think they make me look unique and every guy I’ve ever dated has told me they like them because they’re different, or cute, or make me look exotic or something. And when you think about it, who fuckin cares. Literally all it is is pigment that is darker than the pigment around it. It’s really not a big deal. And the more you think it is the more people will be able to tell that you’re insecure about it, and it just snowballs from there. Try to accept them. Worry about the quality of your skin rather than the difference in color.

It really is a very petty thing. I’m Italian, and I’ve had most of these moles since I was born. I also spend a ton of time in the sun in the summer and I acquire a new mole every once in a while and freckles every summer. I now just embrace them. They’re natural. If I think to myself “Oh I wish I had perfect skin, this guy I like isn’t going to like these 4 moles on my arm” I then follow up that thought with “If that really was the case, fuck him!”

Anyhow my point is that you’re focusing on them, and I know what its like to look in the mirror and they’re the first thing you see! But 99% of the time it’s just you. Unless people are looking for your imperfections they’re usually not going to see them. And I know its a lot easier said than done, but just give it a try.

Are you talking about having a lot of small moles/skin tags on your face that look like freckles? Lots of people have those, I don’t think it’s a big deal unless you them to where they bug your eyelids or nostrils where it looks like food or a boogie stuck there. My mom’s got them.

@Neizvestnaya The fact that she said she sometimes covers one with a band aid makes me think they might be bigger than that?

I think if something bothers you as much as these moles do, you should have them removed.

I do agree with people who have suggested some therapy would not hurt. Fixing the moles will not automatically improve your self-esteem. Sometimes, and I am not saying this is the case for you @AnonymousGirl, because we have low-esteem generally, some aspect of our body or personality can become a focus. We look at that one element and think “if that was gone, I would feel so much better, be so much more attractive” or whatever. An immediate improvement is unlikely to happen though and as some have said, you may also end up with a scar (hopefully very small). Unless you make sure you have dealt with the underlying self-esteem problems, removing the moles might not be the solution you are looking for. So, to help you make the most of the change, and to find more inner strength, some therapy can only be helpful.

As to those people who have attacked you because of your moles, I can only empathise with your pain. I do wish people would remember that what seem like ‘throw away lines” about someone else’s appearance can be like knives to the receiver’s heart. I know those words will play in your head over and over again. I hope having the surgery, and perhaps some therapy, will help you to exorcise those voices.

I have two very prominent, skin colored moles on my face. I never give them any thought, but one of my youngest grandsons loved pushing buttons, and he kept pushing on my moles to see what they were for!

@deni Thanks for your story. I really appreciate it!

I am aware that that area could look “worse” if I get it removed, but I’m at the point where I’ve decided I would rather have a scar. My oldest brother had one above his upper lip removed and one might not be able to tell he ever had one if he or she had never seen it before. My Dad has had moles removed before and, if one isn’t looking for imperfections, the marks aren’t very obvious.

@Neizvestnaya No, I don’t mean like that. I know that @cazzie linked me a page to look at with “beautiful women with moles”. I checked out the page and this one seems bigger than those ones. If it was just a freckle or something small that looked like a freckle, I doubt it would have hurt me as much as it has emotionally. I have random freckles on my body and they are small, so they (mostly) don’t bother me that much.

@Bellatrix I appreciate your thoughtfulness, as always. :)

I feel like there’s a truth to what @jca suggested – to go with the mole removal thing and see what happens… and then if I still feel insecure, to get help. It seems logical to me. I know you and others might not agree (and I understand your reasoning), but I really feel that that path is the best one for me to take.

To me, it is the moles that are the problem.

I used to play soccer at school. I used to skip rope. I used to feel okay with my body. I didn’t see anything wrong with it. While I have been teased for other reasons (the size of my family, my hair, other differences other people noticed in me, my then religion, the clothing I chose to wear, etc) nothing had the same effect as when I walked into my 7th grade class with my hair cut short and people talking about me like I was not even there. I still remember the chants about how “Moles on the face are ugly”. I still remember someone saying something like “See, I told you she had one.” I still remember a lot of these things, and my only answer was to avoid going to school so I wouldn’t have to deal with that. I would go outside where I felt like my parents wouldn’t notice I was and sit in the snow for hours at a time and “pretend I went to school”. I didn’t even care if I died. I wanted my hair to grow back.

At a camp I went to, the people who noticed and said something about it immediately viewed it as something bad or something to fix. One girl knew about one of my crushes (who happened to be the same as hers), so she told me she would tell him I have one there (so he wouldn’t like me if he did). I remember being told by a girl there that she had one before and got it removed (I did not even notice any mark and I never would have guessed) and suggested that I do, too.

At home, I have a younger brother who is disgusted with me whenever he sees it and he has told me things that make me feel like he is ashamed of being my brother. He has treated me like a disgusting human being for simply having them and has given me nicknames like “Mole Central”, etc. The only way he leaves me alone about it is if I wear a band-aid over that one. There’s another smaller one beside it, but that one doesn’t bother me as much. I used to wear a full out band-aid, but I decided to rip off the sticky pieces off the side and put them together so that it’s not as noticeable that I’m wearing one. My hair is long, so it can cover it. This doesn’t give me many options to do things with my hair, though.

@YARNLADY Yeah, young people like to do those sorts of things. haha. =)

I honestly think moles are very very attractive and beautiful….. I’ve seen many many models and beautiful people here in LA Hollywood, California who have moles… I have one right under my eye on my cheek. Moles are sexy.

Another thing we have in common, I’m very insecure with myself and my looks too. In my personal opinion moles are beautiful. I have some things about myself I would like to change too, like my weight.

It’s always going to take time to love yourself completely and looks past the “flaws” you think you have… If you really feel you NEED to get rid of them I am definitely sure they have surgery and cosmetic procedures to get the moles removed….

But being your friend and knowing how intelligent, compassionate, and awesome you are, I would say you are just over thinking it. I’m not you so I don’t know how it would feel, but I can tell you, that women are our own worst critics :( :(

Just to add, I have moles and freckles all over my body I have 3 or 4 spots where there are two little moles right next to each other, like twin moles. I have learned to not give a shit about them anymore. If someone can’t accept moles or freckles on a person, wtf is wrong with them? Really. I am full of imperfections (like we are supposed to be perfect on every inch of our body) but overall I am a good-looking person and I’m sure you are too.

The OP says hers is bigger than the ones on @cazzie‘s photos, and I guess it is risen not flat, it isn’t a little speck. All beautiful women with moles would still be beautiful without the mole.

I thought I would let you all know that I had a Dermatologist appointment today and the Dermatologist lady was super nice and understanding. The huge mole that I grew to hate so much to the point that I ended up wearing my hear down most of the time is now removed and I feel happy about that. I don’t know what the area looks like (yet), but it feels like years of emotional pain associated with it have been washed away. I am completely grateful that she took my feelings seriously, and for this, I am pretty sure I will remember her for life (unless I lose my memory).

Congratulations on the removal and healing!!! :) :) Here’s to feeling much more confident from here on—hair up and out of your face :)

Woo hoo!!! I know how that feels. Now throw your hair back, stand up tall, pull your shoulders back and down your back (it feels great after years of curling them forward to hide behind them) and strut your stuff!! I can’t wait to hear about the leaps of confidence you will take in the next few weeks!

Congrats. Heal well. (physically and emotionally)

:) :) It has been healing awesomely. Now that area has a round pink scar. Those who answered my “What is it like to have a mole removed?” question may already know this. ^_^