Ever find that you're making excuses for your friend's behavior?

I don’t know if that’s really an “excuse.” I do have abrasive friends, and, sometimes I have to tell other people… it’s just their personality. But, I really do love them.

I found myself doing it a few times in the past. I stopped. Now whenever a friend behaves badly, I tell them. You’re supposed to point out things like that, that’s part of being a good friend (I thought to myself). “That’s just the way he or she is” does not justify a bad behavior.

I’m generally a very amiable person.. so when friends start getting at each other I usually hear this in my head. Once it’s over I find myself having to figure out what the big deal was. There’s just too much angst in the world. It’s not necessary.

I make excuses for my real dad a lot… but he really does have the emotions and mental capacity of an 8 year old. He stopped growing up when his father died.

I used to make excuses for an acquaintance, but it got so irritating that I pretty much stopped inviting that acquaintance to do anything.

I have done that in my younger days. I am not sure that I would do it now.

Yeah, until I dropped them like a bad habit.

Like @marinelife, I did that when I was less self-aware (i.e. younger). Now, I address the behavior with said friend. If it’s a behavior or an attitude I cannot tolerate, and they refuse to alter the behavior, they will no longer be considered a friend.

I don’t have any friends I need to make excuses for. They are all very kind and friendly with others.

I don’t do that. My ex could be so abrasive and abusive, i would deflect the conversation, but not excuse it; i.e., “I’m not sure why she said what she said, she hasn’t spoken to me about it.”

I generally didn’t make excuses for my kids when they were little, because I knew that doing so would not help them to be responsible for their own behavior. The only comment I wold make is whether the behavior was age appropriate or not.

Reading some of the responses, I guess I see why I didn’t understand the question quite the way you were asking. I don’t excuse bad behavior. Yes, sometimes I will point out that my friend has an abrasive personality, but I don’t suggest that it makes it okay to treat people badly. I guess I just misunderstood.

If my friends don’t like each other, that is not my problem. I can like people who don’t like each other, I just make sure not to put them in the same room together. And I certainly don’t feel the need to defend or even praise one to another. I just stay out of it and insist that neither party tries to influence my feelings about anyone involved, including myself.

However, if you find the actions of one friend makes you feel ostracized from others and that’s a problem for you, or your opinion of a friend changes because they treat you badly, that is different. I wouldn’t call that kind a person a friend.

I have one friend that I do that for…

I’m in the older and wiser camp here too, if I find myself making excuses for a friend, that tells me they are on their way out. “Friends” are not rude, ultra gossipy, bitchy to you or manipulative in any way, if I see these behaviors I don’t ignore them anymore.
I’m all about freedom from toxic people these days.

No, I’m ky luck in having wonderful friends, all the way around. It’s more likely they’d make excuses for me, not being abrasice to anyone, just my swearing and/or talking too loud when excited.

I may apologize for a behavior, or explain it, if I believe I understand the behavior and that it may be justified because of the ’‘excuse’’. I’m not sure that’s actually an excuse. However, it is not often that I will I hold any kind responsibility for the behaviors of my friends, unless I feel it’s warranted.
I wonder if people ever had to make excuses because of ways I act lol…

It depends on the trait or character flaw or what-not if I excuse it. Would never excuse unprovocated aggression or racism, for example.

Yes, when on vacation in London and Paris, I had to make excuses for a friend’s behavior…although it wasn’t to other friends. She was just a rude person, and was being rude to undeserving random strangers who were just trying to help us. My sister was getting extremely mad and wanted to tell her off, but I made excuses for the friend.