How can I talk to my boyfriend about his friend being a bad influence?

Sorry to tell you this but…. you can’t Unless he is being kidnapped, your BF is making the choice himself. He knows this is dangerous behavior; he knows it bothers you. He just does not care to change. So now it is up to you. You can control your own behavior and if that means moving on, so be it.
You are young, smart enough to write complete sentences without using TXT, and you know know right from wrong. You deserve something better. Do you want to stay with someone like this? He’s not worth it.
Start making plans.

I think @LuckyGuy has it pretty well nailed. So what do you do now? Talk to your boyfriend using the words you did here, but don’t mention the friend at all. You want to discuss your relationship with him, and express your feelings that he has become hateful and distant. And then you can tell him this is not a healthy relationship, and you are going to have to move on.

Listen to LuckyGuy.

I have been on the receiving end of the, “I hate your friend so stop seeing them” talk.

Girlfriends are easier to replace than bros.

You can’t control the behavior of others.

Your boyfriend is choosing to keep this friend.

You think the friend is ruining your relationship, but it is your boyfriend who is ruining things. Stop putting it on his friend.

You have no choice, but to break it off with your boyfriend. Then you can see if he misses you and wants back in. If he does, you could make it a condition that he drop this friend.

But chances are he will drop you rather than the friend. Time to move on emotionally.

I suggest telling him you want to take a break from the relationship. This will give him a chance to think things over. Then in the future (near future, far future?) if he wants to try to get back with you, he may change his behavior. It will let him do some thinking about what he wants and what his priorities are. Maybe he just likes hanging out with his friend and smoking pot. In that case, let him and move on to better things. Maybe he is viewing you as a nagging ball and chain. Who knows.

Do you want someone who is going to act like the boyfriend you would like, or someone who you are going to have to nag into acting like the boyfriend that you would like?

This reminds me of a police call I received. This man was home alone and crying. His wife had left him and living with another man. The man begged me to go over to another location and make his wife come home. I advised him that this was a civil matter and the police cannot be involved and there was nothing I could do to help him. I advised him to contact an attorney.

This is the same situation you are in.

About the only suggestion I have is for you to give your boyfriend a choice: you or his druggy friends.

This will be a tough decision for you to make, but you should come first and not his druggy friends.

If he loves you, he will make the right decision.

I suspect your BF is using too, which could account for his behavior towards you. He wouldn’t admit it, so don’t ask him. @zenvelo tells you how to say it. Good luck.

Like the others above, I agree it’s your BF who is your problem. He could easily choose his relationship with you over a friend of a friend (acquaintance). He’s getting something he wants out of hanging out with those people, enough that he wants it more than he wants the type of relationship you want.

It may be in his eyes you are an accessory to a life he’s content with. Most people like to think they’re more than accessories though, hence your irritation. It’s harsh but you’re probably best off telling him you want to break off and be open to a guy who’s going to be into the two of you more than druggie friends. Prepare to be let down and to move on.

You are convenient to him, providing a safe place to come when he wants to get away and rest, probably providing sex for when he wants it, providing (hopefully) sanity for when he needs it. When he wants to get high or go have a good time, he does not go to you, he goes to his friend’s.

Your boyfriend is making his own choices, his friend is not controlling him.

You should probably sit down with your BF and have a serious talk about what you both want and need in a relationship. For you that includes not being with someone who is doing drugs or hanging around with people who are doing drugs (but my bet is that your BF is doing drugs too, even if he says he isn’t, otherwise he would have no need/interest to hang out with his friend who goes to pot dealers).

Your boyfriend is not likely to change his ways because of anything you say or do, he can only change if he thinks it’s important to change for his own reasons. If you try to demand or force him to change, he will either resent you, or simply not change to spite you. No one wants to feel pressured by their significant other (even if that person knows full well that they are doing something bad, like doing drugs).

So it’s up to you to initiate the conversation about what you both want and see if you two are on the same page. Sounds like you aren’t. If you’re boyfriend tells you that he likes his friend and doesn’t want to change his ways, then you should probably part ways and find someone who is more compatible with you.

Try not to get upset if your boyfriend tries to blame you. He might say that you are the one with the problem (because he’d probably like to keep dating you, while at the same time hanging out with the druggie friend). He might try to convince you that you are uptight, or foolish, or just plain wrong about his relationship with his friend. Don’t buy into that and don’t let it upset you. You can just say, “Eric, I care for you, but I think we aren’t getting the same thing out of this relationship and it’s best if we just move on. You’d probably be better off with a girl more suited to you. I don’t think I’m that girl.” Then wish him the best of luck.

Don’t cry or scream or even try to blame him. That will just make it worse for both of you. Tell him that you both made a good attempt, but it just didn’t work out. Walk away with your head held high. Try not to say anything that you’ll later regret (or that you’d be ashamed to see quoted on FB).

Your problems are with your boyfriend, not with his friend. You are having fights with your boyfriend and those are the ones that matter, not anything you may have going on with his friend. If you want to fix your relationship, you have to fix it with your boyfriend and not try to blame someone else for your problems.

Talk to your boyfriend. Talk about what you do or do not like in his behavior. Do not bring his friend into it. Your boyfriend is responsible for his own behavior and you aren’t helping things when you try to blame someone else. When you do that, you misdirect the conversation and you make the relationship worse. Focus on your boyfriend and talking to your boyfriend. If you can’t do that, you will not fix that relationship.