What are your thoughts on homosexuality? How have your thoughts changed over the years?

Homosexuality: don’t knock it until you try it.

(I guess I may have been “grossed out” by it when I was little, but I can’t clearly remember a time when I thought that it wasn’t legitimate or whatever.)

I was brought up taught all the time it was wrong. I went away to college and started questioning why it was wrong. I got into the workplace and worked with great people that happened to be homosexual. Then I went into business with a guy that was homosexual. He and his partner were great guys. I really enjoyed being around them. That improved my life a ton. I have no desire to try it but I’m completely comfortable around any lifestyle now.

Well, is it completely OK if I circumvent more direct methods of ignorance and instead say that I think what they do is bad, but not them?~

Just another disclaimer: that was sarcasm.

Oh, to answer the rest of the question: I only thought it was strange when I was a young teenager. The only thing you hear as a teenager is that they are strange for being gay. But no one is that smart as a teen, lol.

I think my thoughts on homosexuality have changed enormously over time. I was born in 1951, and the first (and only) “exposure” I had to homosexuality (gosh, the word didn’t exist for me then), was my mother pointing out the two “manlike” women who lived in our neighborhood. They wore men’s clothing and watches, etc. Of course, I have no way of knowing if they were homosexuals (they could be transgendered before there was a word for that), but that was the first “image” I had of not acting like your biological stereotype. I’m probably not expressing this well – it was my child’s view. I was also raised in the Southern Baptist Church – our brethren didn’t even cotton to boys and girls swimming together, if you get my drift.

Maturation and a liberal education, living life in the larger world, and my own spiritual growth have completely changed my thinking on many, many things. I think the strongest testament to my current “opinion” about homosexuality is that I don’t think about it. It’s just a “fact of life” for me, no more special or aberrant or odd than blue eyes versus brown eyes. I judge humans by their kindness, their intelligence, the mark they leave on the world and many things that have absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation.

I’m as “straight” as straight can be; but lifelong friends, wonderful colleagues, respected peers, leaders, mentors – many people in my life are homosexuals, and that is the last “label” I’d ever put on them.

Could I go back in time with this expanded worldview and speak with the voice of that child, I would say to my mother when she pointed out how “odd” they looked in their men’s clothing: It looks like they love each other, and I think that’s wonderful.

I didn’t think that much about homosexuality up until I was 18 (which was in 1965), because I was mostly concerned with the uncertainties and discoveries of my heterosexual development.

After that I became fully in favor of all LGBT rights.

I remember thinking it was gross and “bad” when I was really little, but that was when I was still a confused, self-loathing Christian. Since then, I’ve been 100% in support of lgbt rights.

One of my dearest friends since college is a homosexual. Our friendship was ignited by our common love for movies. I remember asking him why he liked guys instead of chicks to which he responded, he tried making out with a girl once and it did not do anything for him. Hard male bodies turn him on. Never once did I feel awkward or embarrassed around him. He is such a mild mannered and caring person.

After college, we worked together for years in the same company and ended up with more gay friends. Our boss predicted that it won’t take long for me to be influenced and turn gay as well. Didn’t happen. What indeed happen was I took some of their effeminate mannerisms without being aware of it ( holding a wine glass with my pinky flicking out and feminine voice inflections )

Oddly enough, my gay friend adapted my manly mannerisms in return prompting our other gay friends to wonder whether he was turning straight! Down the years, we still enjoy talking about films. He is still gay and I’m still straight. But boy, how horny we were in college. Sometimes we prowled together, him hunting for dudes and me for chicks.

About the same as my attitude towards eating seafood; I wouldn’t do it myself because my tastes don’t swing that way, but there is nothing inherently wrong with it. That has always been my opinion.

My thoughts are pretty much the same as far as having been raised up with acceptance but as time goes by, I feel less and less there is a totally straight or totally homo definition.

I have 2 best friends, one is a gay man, the other a bisexual woman. I’m straight. I think people are people and have never understood what the ‘big deal’ was. I had a gay friend growing up in the 70’s and he was bullied by the other boys at our bus stop. I couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just leave him alone :(

It doesn’t bother me and it shouldn’t bother anyone else.

@Michael_Huntington Have you always felt this way?

Well, I have never distinguished between men and women when it comes to sexual attraction. I never really understood how people do that. (I know that it isn’t like, a skill that can be learned… it is just so hard for me to imagine.) Being gay is just as foreign to me as being straight.
When I was young, I thought that it was “gross” for two men to sleep together. But, I think a big part of that was that I thought men & penises were kind of gross, period.
However, for a long time I did not understand transgender issues. Sex reassignment (realignment? I’m not sure which is preferred) baffled me for a very long time. I think a great deal of that was a lack of information, but I’m sure that is true for most things. I didn’t understand it, and I would have been the type of person to say things like “a man pretending to be a woman,” or “a woman dressed up like a man.”
I know the difference, now, and I understand. But I think that is probably the biggest shift that I went through, personally.
A slightly different perspective (and perhaps interpretation of the question) is that as I get older, I feel more compelled to come out. I never have, and when I got married a big part of me breathed a sigh of relief that I may never have to. I was relatively young when a neighbor walked in on me having sex with my girlfriend, and my parents (who I believed to be progressive and accepting people, in general) called me a “dyke” and kicked me out of the house. I think I was about 16. I realized that I was afraid of that, and I buried that secret, and denied it, and I never let that go. Sometimes I want to, though. That has changed. Or, is changing.

I had two homophobic older brothers and grew up thinking homosexuals were people to parody.

I also had my best friend offer to go down on me when I was 14. That freaked me out and it ended our friendship, both out of his being rejected and my harsh reaction to him even thinking of me that way.

After several years and moving away from my family I gradually questioned many of the views I grew up with and now speak up (here) and elsewhere when I encounter prejudice against homosexuals. Why did I change my mind?....I guess it all comes down to logic, evidence, and empathy.

There’s simply no rational basis for having a problem with homosexuals. They’re an intrinsic part of the bellcurve of human sexual behaviour.

So today rather than being disgusted by homosexuals, I’m dismayed by the nonsense of homophobia.

When I was young, my parents took me to a Southern Missionary Baptist church. Their view point was that you shouldn’t hate anyone but people who practiced that lifestyle were wrong and were going to hell. I was very uncomfortable with that notion because, at the time I believed in God and thought that God loved everyone. As I grew older, I started to befriend many people who were lesbian, gay, bisexual etc. They would tell me of how much ridicule they had to endure from people when all they wanted was to be treated like everyone else. Now as an agnostic, I too face so much prejudice living in the south. My viewpoint is that, if people aren’t hurting you personally, let them be!

The concept of homosexuality never seemed strange to me at all. So what if boys like boys or girls like girls? What’s so weird about that? Since when is liking someone a bad thing? There was an episode of the Simpsons about it of all things and that’s when I really understood what the word meant, developed my opinion about it, and realized that it differed from my dad’s perspective, which made me incredibly sad.

When I started to become friends with people who were different, that only further solidified my opinion. To other people X was my “gay friend”, but to me, X was someone I could have a serious chat about video games with, get help with math homework, go running with. People are people to me. No one component of who we are comes first.

Once my mum mentioned that she didn’t believe in same-sex marriage. I ran this by my older sibling to check what he believed and he disagreed with her stance. So I felt more comfortable disagreeing with her too.

It also always bothered me when people spoke about transgender issues. In my naive thinking, it mostly about boys dressing like girls and girls dressing like boys. What’s wrong with that? And then when my definition added boys living as girls and girls living as boys, I didn’t understand what was wrong with that either. Finally, when I learned that it really meant becoming the gender one identifies with—through whatever personal means the individual feels necessary to become comfortable—I went “Ohh!” and then thought “Well, what’s wrong with that?”

Now it is ingrained in my whole sense of being. I’ve lost friendships over this. I’ve gone through periods of not knowing how to carry on with family over this. I’ve had my own struggles with identified over the years. It would be stupid for me to change my perspective now.

Thank-you all for your responses.

Just wanted to throw this in here.

I used to be fanatically against homosexuality due to early life trauma. In the past few years I was able to come to terms with and seperate homosexuality from pedophilia and am perfectly fine with homosexuality now.

I remember using “gay” as a negative term when I was around 9. I don’t think I really understood what it meant; I was just copying what the other kids did. I remember after I first started realizing I was gay, I’d say something like “I don’t like that, I’m not gay…” when of course I was, I just couldn’t imagine anyone actually finding out.

But I never had an actual negative opinion of homosexuality, just of my own homosexuality. My parents didn’t talk about it much but I knew that my parents indicated that they’d be fine if me or my siblings turned out to be gay, bisexual, even transgendered. I don’t remember exactly when my parents said that, but it had to have been some time when I was in middle school. Of course, I was also raised in a liberal accepting area where the effeminate gay kid at school would get the occasional weird look, but there was no anti-gay bullying.

Anyway, considering that I am homosexual, I don’t have any negative feelings about it other than occasionally becoming frustrated by people’s lack of understanding and occasional insensitivity.

Well, I pretty much feel the same way about it as I have my entire adult life.

Frankly, I could not give a rats patutti what you do in your own bedroom and with whom!

However, while I certainly understand political activism, I believe that the “in your face” variety of homosexual marching in flamboyant dress in rainbow pride parades does more to harm their cause than to help. I believe the best thing that anyone can do is to just go about your business and demonstrate by your actions that having a same sex partner has virtually no bearing on your worth to society in general.

My thoughts on homosexuality is to each their own, I actually feel life is difficult enough just being yourself everyday why allow labels to place judgement on you add to the already heavy burden…. Be who you are, Just be the best damn Human being you can EVERYDAY !

I still call people gay. Mostly when they’re being extra sappy. My girlfriend is all “I know..”

I was taught that being gay is wrong. And my father stated on numerous occasions that he..was not fond of homosexuals. To which I would always say “But..what if one of us kids turns out to be gay?” And he said “As long as it’s not one of my boys.”

And it was generally the male homosexuals that nobody liked when I was a kid. Might be because we never met any lesbians, I don’t know. But as much as we were told that being gay is wrong and we’d go to hell and blah blah blah..Jerry (my homosexual cousin) was always at our house. He was our family’s favorite relative.

As far back as I can remember I thought it was strange for people to be so offended and shocked by homosexuality. I didn’t understand why it mattered so much to some what other people were doing with their love lives. Growing up, I had 2 older cousins that were gay, both a man and a woman, and they were definitely out of the closet, yet the family didn’t seem to care whatsoever. My cousin Maria has always been the quintessential ‘bull dyke’ in terms of her appearance and behavior. Very tough lady. When she was younger (she must be 60 by now) she would get into bar fights. We used to joke with her that she was manlier than most men.

But yeah, I’ve always felt people should be accepting of it, and never understood what the big deal was (is). It turns my stomach the level of abuse, mental and physical, that gay people endure, especially because it’s no one else’s god damn business who they decide to love!

Those of you who have a problem with homosexuality, I would love to hear from you. I know that you’re out there (here on Fluther).

@Jude I have a major problem with homosexuality. You keeps us guys excluded.

I don’t actually know if there are any major detractors to homosexual rights on fluther. Even our conservative members seem to lean more into the libertarian camp, which typically defends gay rights.

Personally, I cannot remember a time in my relatively young life that I had views on homosexuality different from what mine are now. The only things that could have even changed it, or at least given me prospective, are that several friends and acquaintances have come out over the last decade or so. I believe in equal rights, including marriage and adoption or what have you.. I view them as no different than any other person.

though I still curse to myself silently when I find out an attractive lady is a lesbian, lol

@A, I dig the fellas. Penis? Not so much. :)

@Jude I like you a lot but I’m kind of attached to my penis too.

@Adirondackwannabe Eye contact, a friendly smile and a hug are all good.

You can keep your boy. :)

@Jude Appreciate that. :)

I spent a lot of time growing up with my favorite aunt. She is gay and most of her friends were gay. To me, being gay was just part of being normal.

In grade school and middle school is where I really heard anti-gay sentiment (lots of “faggots” thrown around). To be accused of being gay was supposed to be the worst insult. It made me very uncomfortable, but I kept my mouth shut about it.

By high school, homosexuality became a non-issue. I wouldn’t say it was accepted, but we never talked about it. I barely gave it a second thought.

I then went to art college and it seemed like every third person was gay. It was a little jarring at first as the flamboyance level seemed to be cranked to 11. It was also the first time I was exposed to bi-sexuality.

Even though I was always close to my aunt and her friends, it felt like a fish-bowl community. College really opened my eyes to the vast spectrum if sexuality.

I’m still very close to my aunt (she’s like a mother to me), and I’ve been close with a number of gay people over the years. So I feel I’m back where I started as a kid – being gay is just part of being normal.

As an adolescent we had lots of derogatory slang terms for homosexuals without really knowing what homosexuality was or knowing any homosexuals. Now that I have met many homosexuals and lesbians I find that I like them. Not in a sexual sense, but because they are free of the standard stereotypes of society. They are free spirits who are genuine and fun and who contribute a lot to society. At least that is my experience.

I think I have always thought it was just another example of how we are all different. I can’t say as a younger person I consciously knew anyone who was gay. I probably did, but back then people tended not to be so openly out. Maybe it wasn’t something I concerned myself with? I have quite a few friends who are gay. They are just my friends. I’m sure they don’t spend time thinking about me being ‘straight’ and I don’t spend time thinking about them being ‘gay’.

I grew up with gay and straight people. Never thought twice about it until I discovered some people were bigots. That didn’t make me reconsider my views, but it did get me involved in the public dialogue about homosexuality.

I don’t care. It is only a problem when gays expect me to give a shit one way or the other.

Growing up, I thought it was kind of abnormal, and was also kind of “grossed out” by it, as others have said. As I got older, I grew more accepting of it, but never really believed in their right to be married. Back then I said civil unions and all that would be the go-to. As it stands currently, though, I’m far more supportive of gay people and gay rights, but I don’t consider myself strongly opinionated on it either way.

I don’t care who someone loves or has sex with as long as everything is consensual.
I have homosexual friends and family that I love very much.
I remember growing up and hearing jokes and the occasional derogatory remark. As a child I don’t think I understood what that was all about, and then later when I did, I didn’t like it or understand why anyone cared who another person loved or was intimate with.
Not everyone around me was as accepting as I was, or as I am today. I wish they were.

I’ve never really been against it, I’ve just always been indifferent. And as long as they aren’t obnoxious about it, there isn’t anything wrong with it. I believe in their right to live normal lives as any other person does, but I don’t feel much further than that.

Thirty years ago as a teen I had gay friends in school, and I worked in restaurants with a lot of gay guys. So I guess at the age I became interested in sex, it was simply a normal fact around me – some people are gay, some are straight.

The only real change for me is that now I see that gay marriage should also be usual.

Whereas 10 years ago it just wasn’t a question. Nobody was talking about it.

30 years ago – Oblivious to its existence.
20 years ago – Used the word “gay” as a descriptive term for something that was lame or incredibly stupid
10 years ago – Blocked the idea out of my head because it was so impossible to understand that it wasn’t worth pondering
Today – Believe it is a choice and that it is wrong, but understanding that others believe different things. (also accepting that, ironically, I will be hated for my beliefs)

I don’t really think anything of it and I can’t really remember a time when I ever did. I am not for or against it, the same as I am not for or against heterosexuality. I consider myself bisexual and a large number of people that I work/socialise with are gay (or bisexual) so it’s neither a shock or a novelty for me to be surrounded by homosexuality.

@digitalimpression I gaurentee that for me, it wasn’t a choice. How would you know, if you’re not gay? Take it from someone who is gay. No choice.

@Jude I don’t believe you. I’ve also never shot myself in the leg.. but I can still have an opinion about what would happen. Can’t I?

Anyway, I’ve already been through this and been verbally assaulted in other threads by gay people. I’m not at all interested in that “argument” again. I gave an honest answer to this question. If I had lied it would have been smoother sailing.. but that’s not my m.o. ...

@Jude I wouldn’t waste your time. As long as there’s an opinion about what you did, then it doesn’t matter what you actually did (or didn’t do).

♫...Onward christian soldiers..♫

Lololololololololol

@digitalimpression Do you find yourself equally likely to be sexually attracted to members of your own sex as to members of the opposite sex?

@Jude and others, I believe that it was/is not your choice. Do you think it is ever a choice?
As a heterosexual I don’t get it, the attraction.
It seems that bisexuality is also a very real way of feeling that is also not a choice. I suppose that there is a huge range of what is normal for people, but isn’t some of it a choice? People have sex with other people who they are not really attracted to for various reasons.
I know that I’m straying from the topic a bit here, sorry @Jude, but this place is where I can ask and get an honest answer to an honest question.

I know this has been said over and over on many threads but how is being gay anymore of a choice than being straight. All these people that believe being gay or bisexual is a choice obviously were able to choose their own (straight) sexuality. Acting on any sexual urges is a choice (most of our actions are choices) but simply being a certain orientation isn’t.

@digitalimpression I don’t think you are hated for your beliefs. You will be disagreed with, and your beliefs will be disapproved of for being hateful. The disagreement you meet will be strongly worded because we in the queer community have been oppressed for so long and are finally getting a chance to have our say publicly and see progress towards a life where we don’t have to hide who are so that no one’s comfortable illusions need be disturbed. But vocal disagreement and disapproval isn’t hate. Most of us realize that we still have a lot of ignorance to dispel and information to dispense. In the meantime, “hate the homophobia, not the homophobe.”

@AdamF I think the “gay is a choice” crowd sees it this way:

Same-sex attraction: not a choice.
Same-sex activities: a choice.

For them, “being gay” is about acting on urges instead of just having them. Assuming that people have control over their own sexual behaviors, then, it’s true that participation in same-sex activities is a choice. But what is it a choice between? It’s a choice between living a lie and being oneself; between self-realization and self-repression. Left-handed people used to go insane just from being forced to use their right hand for everything. Imagine what being forced to fake your sexuality can do.

What I don’t get, though, is why it would matter if being gay were a choice. Lots of things are choices. Religion is a choice. Marital status is a choice. Having kids is a choice. Even if being gay were a choice, why shouldn’t consenting adults be allowed to make it?

@Uberwench You pretty much said exactly the same as what I was trying to say in the post above yours and yet, you articulate it so much better. GA.

@Leanne1986 Thanks!

Your own post brings up an interesting point, though. You talk about how the “gay is a choice” crowd must have to think that they chose their own (straight) sexuality. Sometimes I wonder how many of them are actually repressing same-sex desires and if that’s what is motivating their claim that sexual orientation is a choice. They might be thinking “I have same-sex desires, but I’d never act on them, so being gay must be a choice!” It’s a little sad to think of how many people there might be out there repressing themselves in this way because they just don’t know any better. To me, it’s another reason to “hate the homophobia, not the homophobe.” The appropriate response to such tragic cases is pity.

I don’t mean to say that any particular member of the “gay is a choice” crowd is just repressing same-sex urges, or even that they all are doing that. I’m sure there are plenty of people who just repeat the claim because it is comfortable for them to go on using it as an excuse to disregard the mistreatment of people in the queer community. But the number of times that an anti-gay ideologue has been discovered in a same-sex relationship speaks to how many people might be choosing to live a lie rather than be themselves. They may be part of the problem, but they are victims of the problem at the same time.

@AdamF No, I’m not bisexual. What’s your point?

@Uberwench How are my beliefs hateful? I’m not homophobic, and I’ve said many many times that I hold nothing against people for being gay. Some of the coolest people I have ever met are gay.

It isn’t fair to label me as ignorant, homophobic, and oppressive simply because I believe what I do.

If I believe that over-drinking is wrong, does that mean I hate all people who drink? Am I then afraid of people who drink? Am I then, (by virtue of believing that over-drinking is wrong), being oppressive to people who drink? No.

The fact that you are comparing homosexuality to alcoholism means you are homophobic. You can argue in a technical sense that you’re not since you’re not actually “afraid” of gays, but the word has a broader meaning than that in its current usage.

There are two issues here, I think. One is that you think homosexuality is a choice. The other is that you think homosexuality is wrong. There is no basis for either of these beliefs, as I’m sure you know by now. But only the second belief would count as “homophobia.”

Mmmm k, this is the same as all the other threads now. Another grande old digi-bash. Have fun.

@digitalimpression My point is to make you think about the inherrent ratio of attraction you feel for members of your own versus opposite sex.

Because regardless of who you choose to sleep with, and regardless of which end or combination of the continuum your sexual attraction is best categorized as (asexual, homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual), I have a hard time understanding what you possibly could mean by saying that homosexuality, or any sexuality for that matter, is a choice.

Although I guess my comment requires two caveats. Perhaps if you’re relatively asexual, in other words you’re basically lacking in sexual attraction to others, it would be relatively easy for you to believe that any sexual behaviour is a conscious choice, because you wouldn’t feel a strong inherrent drive either way. Likewise if a woman was strongly heterosexual, but occassionally found herself sexually attracted to other women, this could also be culturally surpressed; with that suppression confused for choice in sexuality. But none of this overrides the underlying point that sexuality is not chosen by the person, only the behaviour is (although that in itself raises the question of freewill…but I’ll try not to go there).

So when you you state that you believe homosexuality is a choice, what exactly is it that you mean?

@Uberwench Agreed, but unfortunately I think there are several reasons for pushing the idea that homosexuality is a choice.

First, it places the responsibility solely on the shoulders of those who are homosexual. Basically it’s easier to treat it as 1) wrong and 2) a simple choice that “we” straight people don’t like. So homosexuals are like thiefs, people in the same circumstances as “the rest of us” who just need to control these strange urges that the rest of us don’t feel (or are feeling but are ashamed of and in denial about) in society. In short, it’s just easier to continue being a bigoted prick if you believe as such.

Second, for the religious objector, it takes the onus off god. Because it’s truly a sadistic god who would “make” only some people sexually attracted to their own sex and condemn them to hell and call for their death if they act it. Such cognitive dissonance is easier to get rid of if you put in the earplugs and chant “god is love and wouldn’t do that so it must be a choice” loud enough.

http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/gay/long.htm

Third, perhaps most importantly, by trying to treat homosexuality as a choice it takes sexual orientation out of the same sort of category as race or sex (ie male/female), so homosexuals are excluding from getting the same human rights categorization that protects people from discrimination based on other aspects of their inherrent nature and identity. This matters as the following article makes clear, considering the human rights records of those countries that oppose it.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_un.htm

@digitalimpression If you are still here, Would you mind telling me if you think that being attracted to members of the same sex is a choice or if you think that acting on those urges is the choice? I am not bashing your beliefs here I just want to know.

@Leanne1986 I’ve been through this conversation far too many times and there is, inevitably, an avalanche of logic…

leading…

inexorably…

toward a slew of [Response Moderated (Personal Attack)]‘s

So, I apologize (since you seem to be a bit more level-headed than the others), but I have no desire to continue running around the hamster wheel.

It is the sort of behavior in this thread that consistently affirms my beliefs, but also makes me a little nauseous and deeply saddened at the direction mankind has chosen to take.

It is the sort of behavior in this thread that consistently affirms my beliefs

How ironic…I couldn’t agree more.

I understand your frustration with these discussions, @digitalimpression , but having said early on that you know how it will come out, and that you know that your beliefs and comments will be treated a certain way, why do you contribute to these threads? I have been known to beat my head against a wall more than once, but in your first post on this thread you mention that you know what the reaction will be, yet then you are upset when people challenge you. I’m trying to learn to stay away from the threads that I know will end badly, we’re not required to post on every Q.

@digitalimpression “It is the sort of behavior in this thread that consistently affirms my beliefs, but also makes me a little nauseous and deeply saddened at the direction mankind has chosen to take.”

Take heart. All the major religions still teach that homosexuality is wrong (somewhat of an understatement), and there are still substantial areas of the world where the majority of the population think the same, and you could probably live your whole life in such places without a single person disagreeing with your or having the audacity to ask you to justify your opinion.

So buck up little chum…there are still happy places in the world, just avoid the nauseating places in blue.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:World_homosexuality_laws.svg

@digitalimpression Ok.

@digitalimpression I haven’t had a chance to read through all of the quips. Just the one that you posted after mine. Let me just say, I ain’t lying.

@Jude More nonsense..

http://whyevolutionistrue.wordpress.com/2012/01/30/liberal-anglicans-support-psychotherapy-to-cure-gay-people-of-their-illness/