NSFW If two boys did something to you as a child would you hate gays?

No. Something along the lines of that happened to me and I don’t hate anyone for it. There is only one person responsible, so why generalize to anyone else?

I’m curious, did those two teens self-identify as straight or gay?

No, it doesn’t make sense to hate people who weren’t responsible for the abuse.

No. I wouldn’t like the two boys who did that to me but it wasn’t the whole gay population. Should a woman who is raped hate ALL men?

Only if you want to be irrational.

@linguaphile As far as I was concerned they were just my neighbors and were boys. The candy was my focus at the time. I added an edit to the question. **I don’t hate them

What do you think the psychological damage can be on my part? I don’t know.

I did, but it was more me running away from my past, though it was a probably 35 year old man and I was 6. I am over that irrational fanatical hate. Now it’s only directed towards rapists.

I really couldn’t say since I never had that happen to me as a young child. However I did have some guys try to take advantage when we I was dating. Guys who had a problem with the word no. It made me weary of guys but I didn’t grow up hating them all. I look at it this way. The world is made up of billions of people. You are just bound to encounter pervs or nasty people along the way. The best I can do is always be on my guard.

@auhsojsa Great question, and welcome to Fluther.

No, I wouldn’t haet gays. Straights are child abusers too. I would focus my anger on the real problem, those who take advantage of the innocence of young children for their own sexual gratification.

If you are cogent enough to ask this question, I doubt you suffered any psychological harm. Just realize that there are bad, abusive people in the world, and don;t be one yourself. You can’t catch “the gay” like some infection. If you are straight, you’re straight. If you’re bi, you’re bi. If you are gay, you’re gay. And all 7 year olds, regardless of their future sexual orientation, love candy.

Certainly not. I’m female, and I was sexually abused for the first 13 years of my life by an uncle of mine. I don’t hate all men for what he did to me. Long term abuse can definitely cause psychological harm, but I’m not sure if one incident can do the same. Probably depends on the victim and the circumstances.

By the same logic, why shouldn’t you hate everyone with the same ethnicity as the two boys?

No it does not make sense to generalize.

Nope. I was abused and I don’t hate the type of person who did that to me; just the person.

There is no sufficient information on these two teens that would lead me to believe they are gay by that behavior alone. So why would that just be presumed? There are times for prejudice, this doesn’t seem to be one of them. Two people do not represent a group, especially if it isn’t even clear that they are members of this group.
I know the type of 7 year old I was, and I would have just kicked their asses, but that’s prolly just me.

I might hate those boys, but no, I wouldn’t use it as an “excuse” for hate speech.

There is no excuse for that type of behaviour. And yes, I am referring both to the older boys’ behaviour in abusing you, and to your hatred of “gays”.

Get over yourself.

@auhsojsa, have you told anyone about what happened to you?

No. I was fondled at six years old by one guy and I didn’t grow up to hate guys. If you hate gays, look a little deeper for a reason. What you have given us is an excuse.

What happened to you is pedophilia not to be confused with homosexuality. If I were you I would hate pedophiles.

Think about it like this: If those teens had done the same to a 7 year old girl, would you hate heterosexuals?

I know many men who had experiences like this as children and these experiences had lasting effects. Usually it wasn’t so specific as hating gays. In some cases, it was the opposite, these men were gay. In other cases it was more of a PTSD thing. They had trouble talking about their past or about emotions or trouble connecting emotionally in an intimate way.

No matter whether you think it’s not a big deal or not, I would hope you discuss it with a therapist at some point. Not just that, but your entire youth. I think it’s important to get a deeper understanding of how all the events of your childhood affected your ability to form attachments to others such as friends and lovers and to relate to others in the workplace.

@JLeslie Wonderful answer!

@Seelix These boys set me up man. They told me if they could suck my ____ then I could get candy. And they did it with the little brother of theirs and he was my friend. Why should I get over myself? Why would anyone give you a Great Answer for your post? I already stated I don’t hate gays. Read the OP it’s the manner of “put yourself in my shoes, how would you respond?” if you didn’t get that notion then I can’t help you with your English homework.

@bkcunningham I’ve told about 5 people total in real life. It’s a loose memory for me, but there’s no reason to just bring it up to say an acquaintance per say. However this being a Q and A site discussion is formidable and I’m curious to others thoughts.

@auhsojsa, I absolutely understand why you asked the question here. I’m was just concerned about your mental/emotional health and wondered if you’ had ever told a responsible adult who could have helped you deal with the situation and the wrong things that were done to you and who could have tried and stopped the actions of the two boys before they abused another child.

No, I wouldn’t.

@bkcunningham I see. It happened as fast as I forgot it. Never had dreams about it, didn’t sit on it. To be quite honest. I can still taste the orange pebble candy on my tongue and being happy about that. And seeing my other friend getting the candy too. We were lined up against the wall. Nope I never told my care takers. I don’t remember seeing those neighbors afterwards.

auhsojsa I’m sorry that this happened to you. The problem is that you were an innocent child. The teens who did this to you, whether they were gay or straight, were wrong. That much is a given. I know someone very closely that had a similar experience. He was cornered and forced to jerk off 2 older boys. It took me years to get him to confide this to me. Because I know him very well I had sensed a sort of fear in him and resistance to certain touches. I mean, ceratin ways of touching make him cringe. I had always intuited that this might be due to some form of sexual abuse. I don’t know if you have similar issues. To me, it is not a case of hating or not hating a group of people for what was done to you. It is necessary for you to come to grips with how it has affected you. Emotions are not rational. You feel how you feel and even if you want to be a better person you may harbor hostility and anger and need a target to direct it at. My firiend insists that the matter for him is all in the past. I am not so sure. I think he has buried it and it still affects him. He does not hate gays at all. But it has affected him in other less obvious ways. I would hope, that for your sake, you would speak to a thearpist about this. Confront your feelings and deal with them so they don’t hold you back in life and in relationships I wish you only the best.

I wouldn’t hate them any more than I’d hate all women if I was molested by my babysitter.

@auhsojsa, in all honesty, I’d like to find those two boys and kick their asses. How absolutely wrong and, and, and, and wrong to use candy; something good and sweet and enticing to trick innocent little children – you and your friend.

I’m sorry it happened to you. Don’t hate anyone except those two horrible boys. I hope those boys are dead and they’ve been replaced by two grown men who realized how horrible and wrong they were and what bad things they did to a couple of little kids.

In your head, do you associate what happened with homosexuals because you are a male and it was males who did this to you?

@bkcunningham “In your head, do you associate what happened with homosexuals because you are a male and it was males who did this to you?”

Do you mind, simplifying or explaining this in any other way? Thanks.

@auhsojsa I had a couple innappropriate things happen to me when I was young, and I just kind think of them as a blip in my life experience, and that men can be fuckheads. I don’t feel like I need any therapy because of it. Some people believe you have to be traumatized by these experiences, I don’t. I can see how people who are repeatadly preyed upon would be very affected, or if it had been done even only once in a violent, frieghtening manner. Since you ask the question, I thought maybe you were feeling some disgust with gay people, but actually, like @wundayatta, I know several men that had a similar experience to you. The only ones who have admitted it to me in person are gay men, I don’t know if it happens to them more often, or if most straight men just never will admit it.

@auhsojsa, I consider fondling someone’s private parts as sexual. Do you? Since everybody involved in the story you shared were males, I just wondered if you considered it a homosexual act on the part of the older teens?

@bkcunningham Oh ok yes. Well yes because they wrapped their lips around me. It’s not like I got hard though, it was more like an experiment on their part. Now that I’m older I know it’s cause they could get hard, but not me and the other little boy.

@auhsojsa, you aren’t the first person, nor will you be the last, who has had something like this happened to them as a child. The only reason you and your friend were the victims is because you were young, innocent, easily manipulated/tricked and too little to fight back.

It didn’t have anything to do with the teens being gay and they picked little boys as their sexual victims because they were attracted to other males. I say that because having sex with children is inappropriate and mentally healthy adults have a innate knowledge of this fact. These guys were not mentally healthy. If they were gay, they’d be having sex with each other or other consenting males they were attracted to. Not little children who they had to trick.

I’ve met quite a few people who had a sexual experience when they were too young to understand what was happening. Sometimes it was just kids experimenting out of curiousity. Sometimes, like in your case, it was because older people who knew it was wrong, did it to get their jollies for whatever reason, and selected young victims who they could trick and manipulate. They gave you candy to trick you into letting them do something they knew was wrong.

Who knows, maybe those older boys were sexually abused when they were younger and were mirroring what had been done to them. Regardless, it was wrong. It was not a homosexual act. Even if it turns out that those teens were gay, it wasn’t a homosexual act. If it had been teenaged girls who were the abusers, it wouldn’t mean that it was a heterosexual act. Right? It was sexual abuse against children by people who were mentally sick.

@bkcunningham Thanks for that I greatly appreciate. And yes I’m well aware of not hating them because of their sexual orientation potential I was just curious if anyone else might have just hated gays based on flawed ideology. That’s why I was so offended @Seelix answer. She obviously didn’t read my posts correctly and assumed I hate gays. It just saddens me when people don’t read correctly and then others hop on their band wagon, it shows me they themselves aren’t reading correctly as well and this is how politics between sexual orientation gets all fuzzed up in society.