Is it odd my cousin keeps making plans with my bf's group of friends?
My cousin just got out of a 4 year relationship. She isn’t distraught because it hasn’t been working out for a few months and I have talked to her about it. Anyways, she doesn’t have any friends so she mostly hangs out with me and my sister sometimes.
I understand how lonely it can be sometimes so I invited her to hang with my boyfriend and his big group of friends. They’re a fun bunch. She’s only met them a couple times and now constantly tries to make plans with them as if they’re her good buddies and kind of expects me and my boyfriend to show up because she is not too close to them. It’s like “Why are you doing this, what if me and my bf want to have a date night of our own?”
She just met them twice and plans this big whole thing with his friends without telling me or my bf. I mean, I figured if we had something planned we’d invite her. I feel in a way she’s intruding. It’s been like this every weekend now where she just constantly wants us to do something together and I try hint to her we’re having our “alone” time which she understands but she keeps suggesting “Tell them to make plans please?” or “Tell them to do something this weekend!”
Then she’ll call me about 4x a day to keep asking about the plans to make sure it hasn’t changed.
Also, she always wants to ride with me and my bf because she doesn’t like riding alone in the car.
I don’t think it’s a big deal for her to hang out with us, I just think it’s odd that she keeps making plans for us to hang out with his friends when she barely knows them. Am I being inconsiderate? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
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My take, she probably doesn’t have a huge social group at the moment. She just got out of a long relationship, and typically in long relationships your friendships will suffer at least a bit, especially if you’re younger and not familiar with maintaining them.
You introduced her to a group that you yourself said were fun, and she liked it.. so now she is trying to cement it and make friends with them. She may not be going about it in the best manner simply because she doesn’t have the social skills to organize large friend things like that. On top of that she’s trying to get you and your b/f to tag along because you are the most comfortable part of it for her, she knows you.
It honestly sounds like you’re being a bit inconsiderate. But at the same time so is she. Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. Either A) She’ll be accepted into the group and won’t have to use you and your bf as a link.. or B) She won’t be accepted into it and she’ll move on. Be a good cousin and help her out til one of those comes to fruition.
Time to set boundaries. Tell your cousin that you are happy to include her when you and your boyfriend are doing something with his friends, but that you are not going to make plans to do it every weekend nor do you want her with you every weekend.
Don’t worry about her feelings in this or she will trample all over you.
Don’t take her calls the second, third and fourth times.
Like I said, I don’t mind her hanging out with us. I just don’t like how she’s the one planning it all. And sometimes when my boyfriend or I don’t feel like hanging out in a group with them…she keeps bugging me to make plans until we do.
If we were to have plans or if somethings going down WE WILL invite her or LET HER KNOW…but she keeps contacting everyone “Come on guys! Let’s hang out this weekend it’ll be sooo funn!!!!!”
And then keep asking for me to drive her or have her pick me and my bf up…
It sounds like she wants new friends. But it’s an awkward time. Is she close enough to his friends to think that she can do things with them on her own or does she still need you to provide cover for her.
My feeling is that you should be straight with her and tell her when you do not want to do things. I also think that if she wants to try to organize these people, it’s on her, but you will not give her cover any more. She has to do it on the basis of her own relationship with them.
I don’t know if you could get away with this, but I would suggest that you talk to the friends and tell them you’re happy if the do stuff with her if they want to, but don’t do it because they feel obligated to you. It’s between her and them. You may or may not join in.
I mean, it’s not like you feel she is stealing your friends from you, right? You just don’t want to feel obligated?
Basically yeah, I don’t want to feel obligtated. It’s not like I don’t want her hanging out with us…it’s just having to do it every weekend and bug me to make plans when I don’t want to. The other day she said, “Tell **** to throw a party at his house and I’ll buy pizza, pleeeease??” I felt awkward asking my bf to throw a party because my cousin wanted to LOL
I feel she is lonely, insecure and using you and your BF to fill those gaps, it will stop when you decide it is time . :-) Your a good cousin for helping her through this difficult time. And I trust you’ll know when enough is enough.
It sounds like she is lonely… because she is used to having the company of her ex. Be honest with her about your feelings.
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