Talking to friends or sex?

They take the call their chances at getting laid just went to 0.

If someone calls me at 11PM I will answer because it is obviously a life or death emergency situation. If it isn’t, that will be the last time I ever answer their call.
Nobody calls me after 9:00 unless it is really serious.

@LuckyGuy Good point. I hadn’t considered the emergency angle. Maybe their chance is 50 50.

Yea I figured as much. I definately agree with @Adirondackwannabe about their chances of getting laid going down to zero. It wasn’t an emergency and apparently he picked up the phone and it was a female friend. They chatted for about 10–15 min and then he rolled over expecting sex still. HAHAHA. Yea right! I would also wonder what type of relationship he has with this female that he felt the need to take her call instead of sex. Why couldn’t she leave a message and he call her back in the morning? Or am I over thinking this behavior?

Emergencies take many forms. While someone being arrested and needing to be bailed out of jail (for one example) may not be “life or death”, it’s pretty darned important to whoever may be pinched and wanting to get out of jail for the night. Likewise a missing family member or someone else’s plumbing mishap may not be “life or death”, but can cause a lot of consternation.

But I’m generally in @LuckyGuy‘s camp: I can’t tell from caller ID alone how important a call may be. (I can usually tell if it’s a telemarketer or some other unimportant – to me – call and ignore it, but I don’t get many of those late at night.) If someone called me from the local jailhouse, I do not know that number, so I’d probably answer, since it would be identified with a local phone number – and presumably a recognizable ID.

Since late night phone calls are so rare I will answer even if caller ID indicates it is from someone I do not know. It might be a good samaritan helping my son who forgot his phone.
I worked too many years on an ambulance and saw too many suicide attempts to discount late night calls. Sunday nights or the day before a holiday are typically when the victim makes the late call to their friends. Even if I am on the downstroke, I will answer
But If it is just a ” Dude… ‘Sup..” ‘conversation, I will blast the guy and be off within 10 seconds.

I don’t understand why the two activities are mutually exclusive.

The entire planet could be going through a nuclear holocaust for all i care. If my SO is in bed waiting for me for sex thats where all my attention is directed :)

@uberbatman THAT’S what I’m talking about. Can I get an amen! I know men and women are different but c’mon. It was not emergency! He didn’t get off the phone and say “oh my god I have to go see what’s going on!” He laid there for 15 minutes and had a “chat” with another female. The first words out of his mouth to the girl on the phone were “Hey stranger!”
I want my man to act like he can’t get enough of me and that being with me is top priority. That bitch can wait!

I choose sex, of course. It’s not like I won’t be free to return the call in five minutes.
ba-dum-pshhh

So let me get this straight? You were about to have sex. Your man’s phone rings. He looks at the number, and answers it, saying, “Hey stranger!”

So right away you know it’s another chick, and it’s one he hasn’t spoken to in a long time and that he would rather talk to this chick then to encourage your “friendly” mood?

Then, fifteen minutes later, having regaled you with a one-sided conversation with someone you don’t know and think he is very friendly with, he turns to you all raring to go?

So this makes you feel like… what… a hooker? Like you’re there at his beck and call and you’re supposed to be ready to perform whenever it is convenient for him? He doesn’t seem to notice or care that you might have been affected emotionally by his conversation? He doesn’t offer any explanation? It’s like “come here bitch and let’s get busy?”

How long have you known this guy? How rare is sex? Is it something difficult to get going? Or is it hardly at all rare, so maybe he takes it for granted? Is he a good lover? Sensitive to your needs?

Or are you just blowing off steam?

Yes. Exactly. When he got off the phone his wife asked him “who was that?” and he said “My friend Lisa down in South Carolina. Her birthday is next week.”
Sex is not as frequent as she would like it to be because he works at night (and when he is home he’s too tired) but last night was one of his nights off and she had been looking forward to sex all day. She told him so and he said he was ready for some too! If they have sex twice a week because of his hours then that’s a good week. They have been married for some years now. She says when she got angry and questioned him he acted like he didn’t know what he did wrong. He said it was just a quick call and he didn’t see what the big deal was.

Personally I would have felt like the sex for him wasn’t as important as hearing from this chick. My feelings would have been hurt and the mood gone. Especially knowing that it happens infrequently as it is he should be ready to rip me a new one! Oh and in answer to your question she claims he’s a good lover.

You probably would be better off if you told him how you felt, preferably in a tone that doesn’t blame him. To accuse him of liking the phone chick better puts him on the defensive.

It’s more like, “Hey hun, I was really looking forward to banging your brains out and this conversation made me feel like I wasn’t important. It killed my mood. I know you think it was short, but I feel how I feel. Please don’t keep me waiting more than thirty seconds, ever again. I love you madly and I want you all to myself.” Then bury your nose in his stomach and give him a big raspberry while maybe letting your hand do a little wandering.

I would not answer the phone if we had planned on making love.

At that time of night, we’d look at our phone to recognize a number and decide if it was an emergency but neither of us would take a casual call, both of us would take it as a slight. We’re serious about our playtime!

I’m with @Luckyguy. I will answer if its really late at night in case its an emergency, unless there is no caller ID.
If its my kids, than we both answer at any time just to make sure its not an emergency and tell them we will call them back later because we are either eating or watching a movie we have to return to the video store.
Then let the games begin.

I turn my phone off when I go to bed, regardless whether sex is on the schedule or not…

Talking to the friend while having sex.
Usually those interruptions last no longer than a minute although my phone conversations most of the times are pretty short too.

I don’t mind if the guy picks up the phone. Someone might need to reach him… and emergencies are more important than my pleasure with him. However, I do feel special if he doesn’t or if he picks up and asks the person to call back later because he is spending time with me or even if he makes the call as short as possible. I also feel special if he quite simply turns the ringer off and makes it obvious he is doing so. :) As for myself, I’ve never had to worry about this… I don’t have a cell phone and I don’t use the phone that much. I prefer being in an area that doesn’t have a phone to distract me when I’m being intimate with someone. :)

@AnonymousGirl well thats all well and good but we are not talking about an emergency, or your kids or a family member in distress. The question was simple. There was apparently nothing important or urgent about this message. He picked up the phone to chat about bullshit instead of fucking his wife on the ONE night off that they have together. If it had been an emergency she would have gladly encouraged him to continue to talk on the phone and would not have been angry when he hung up. But the fact that it was a trivial conversation is what bothered her. He didn’t cut the ringer off, he didn’t tell her to call back later because he was busy and he didn’t even think it was a big deal. She gets sex from him about 4 times a month and sleeps alone every night, he couldn’t talk to the friend later?

^ I read more of the thread… and her husband sounds like me. He sounds like he is too honest for his own good in a relationship. That reminds me of when I would talk about my guy friends like it was the most natural thing in the world to this guy I was in a long-term relationship with. Looking back, I get it now… but I don’t think him getting mad at me was the right answer. His anger confused me a lot because it made me feel like he didn’t trust me, which didn’t make sense to me… because I was being honest with him. He’d talk about wanting to “kill” them, insist he wasn’t jealous, etc. The worse he talked about my friends, the better my friends seemed. If he’d just accepted that all I was doing was trusting him and felt comfortable enough to be honest about my friends, then my mind most likely wouldn’t have wandered to thoughts like “He’s not that bad…” Oddly enough, the guy that boyfriend seemed to hate the most is now the guy I am more attracted to than anyone else in the world… thanks to that ex-boyfriend being jealous. If he had never acted like he was jealous of him, I probably would be viewing him as “just another guy” right now. His own fears came true (me wanting to have sex with that guy… after the relationship ended)... because of his own actions. He helped plant a seed in my head and it grew. Does that make sense?

Ignore the damn phone if we’re both in bed, whether we’re about to sex it up or not.

@AnonymousGirl okay… no. this isn’t about jealousy.

^ Are you sure? It sounds like it to me.

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” — Plato

@Akua Nice.

What are you trying to imply, @Akua? That this guy talks only because he has to say something? ‘Cause it seems to me like you are trying your hardest to paint him in the worst possible light, no matter what, just because he talked on the phone to a woman for 15 minutes of his life. You say the woman herself says he is a good lover. Could that be because he is very responsive? I don’t see why him talking to another person, even another woman, has to be a negative thing.

@AnonymousGirl Easy lady. Think about it for a minute.

@Akua Be nice too.

@Adirondackwannabe :)

What would you like me to think about, @Adirondackwannabe?

@AnonymousGirl Just go easy and have consideration for the other jellies. He took a phone call over his s/o. That doesn’t suck?

“Have consideration for other jellies”?

It surprises me that you say that because I’m not being rude at all. I am offering an alternative. The asker asked for our opinions and I gave mine. If not assuming the guy is a flat out jerk automatically after reading what I did means I don’t consider others, well, then…

I didn’t know it was a horrible thing to treat a person like he or she has an open mind who is willing to hear other people’s opinions, even if they don’t necessarily agree.

@Adirondackwannabe you get me. From the question to the quote.

@AnonymousGirl He took 15 minutes from the most important lady in his life. That should be a crime. I’m a romantic.

And I see things differently. If a guy talks on the phone for 15 minutes with somebody else, then I don’t have an issue with it… especially if he’s honest about the phone call. The way I see it, it sounds like he was comfortable enough to be honest with his wife… instead of having secret phone calls that he’s not open about… when she’s not around. That would be a cause for concern.

@Adirondackwannabe for some strange reason I expected that a woman would be more sympathetic to this issue but hey, even I learned something today. If @AnonymousGirl expects so little from her husband then that’s just fine. But if it were me and I only got 1–2 hours of quality time per week from my husband, I’d be pissed. Call me selfish. I talk to this co-worker on a regular basis and she went all out for that special night. Mini skirt and all. She was crushed that it didn’t mean as much for him as it did for her. He’s not a bad guy, just incredibly thoughtless and insensitive. He was on the phone most of the night with other business, so when he took this call it was just the last straw.

Well, I certainly hope I wouldn’t be setting up appointments to have sex. Sex is more fun for me when it’s spontaneous and not planned.

Also, you didn’t mention the other phone calls. Only the one.

@ A, I love the spontaneous stuff. But 15 minutes of being ignored would drive me nuts.

Precisely my point. If our schedule is so tight that we have to make an appointment for sex then wouldn’t it make it that much more important?

=.=

I don’t know if this will interest you guys or not, but…

@Akua, the problem your friend has is actually talked about in this book…

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson.

I wonder if she’d benefit from reading it? Maybe her husband would, too…

Hell maybe we should all read it. Thanks @AnonymousGirl.

You’re welcome. :)

Chances are, you will recognize yourself in at least one situation in the book. ^_^

If you do decide to read it, I hope you enjoy it…

Personally, I felt so much closure after reading it, so I hope you get something out of it as well. :)

@Adirondackwannabe lol. See quote.

Are you making fun of me? =/

heck no.

I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not, but I get that impression because of the “quote” flaunting.

@AnonymousGirl I don’t make fun of people I don’t know. Damn. Forget that statement. I’m not making fun of you. I like that you stick to your guns.

Well, thank you. I wasn’t sure, so I asked. Better to ask than assume, right? ^_^

*Smile @AnonymousGirl. Absolutely.

I’d most likely ignore the phone and keep my attention on my partner. However, if the call is from a friend who I knew would keep it quick (my friends and I don’t often call each other for a chat, we call when we need to ask a quick question or something like that so most calls between my friends and I don’t last anymore than 5 minutes) then I would answer. My boyfriend isn’t the type to go off sex that quickly!!! My boyfriend tends to have very long business conversations (at least half an hour) and so I would be annoyed if he answered especially that late at night.

Ok, here is the certain death of upcoming sex….

“Oh, yeah, I’d love to catch up but… uh… now’s not a good time. Can I give you a call back tomorrow?”

We know how that’s going to end!

“Who was that?”

Disaster.

Laughing @6rant6 . I can see that conversation.