Are men scared of independent and/or strong women these days?

I’m terrified of them. Maybe that’s why I haven’t had a date in over 30 years.

Under the orange tree.

@wundayatta Speaking of orange trees, we got a case of honeybells this past week. Awesome!

Nope.

I think this is the female equivalent of a man saying “Women only want jerks”.

The ones who are have a personal problem and I would figure I would be better off without those particular men.

“Do you think it’s okay for a woman to take the lead in initiating the dating ritual” ? Yes please. Independent women are sexy, and can ask me out anytime.
But they have to pay for dinner. :p

@everephebe wants it all.

I agree there are completely together, aggressive, smart, and independent women.

However, there are a also shrill, self-centered, lazy, unimaginative, and crude women who think they can do and say whatever they want. And when the men disappear, they claim it’s because men don’t like strong women.

I say no, men don’t have this problem.

Some men are. Some men are not. It depends on the individual man. If a man is self-assured and has high emotional intelligence, very likely no, they are not intimidated by strong, independent women. If a man lacks confidence in himself and his own abilities, then yes, he might be threatened by a woman who is confident and more successful.

Not scared, but they might reasonably ask “what’s in it for me” before considering getting involved with such a woman. If a woman wants to be the one to “wear the pants” and call the shots, yet expects a man to “provide for her,” he is nothing but a slave. If a woman wants to be in control and is also providing for the man, he might be called a gigolo or house-husband (or worse) but presumably he’s agreeable to the deal since he’s being supported.

@JaneraSolomon I wasn’t thinking any one partner is the one in control, I’m thinking a 50–50 relationship where both patrners are free to speak their mind or make the decisions. In all areas of their relationship.

As a geeky girl, I nearly always have to be the one who takes the lead in any sort of romantic situation. For some geeky guys, the bravest they get is making a little small talk to a girl who is obviously interested in the same sorts of things they are, but actually initiating any sort of dating ritual? Fuhgettaboutit. So, the men I date are not afraid of these kinds of women, ‘cause when one of us comes along, it means there is actually some dating that’s going to be happening.

Are some men scared of strong/indepenent women? Absolutely. But that’s less about genitalia than it is about being human.

@KatawaGrey Holy shit.Your last two sentences coalsced this better than anything I ever formulated. Nice.

In my experience, it can be a disorienting, but if it’s the right girl you figure it out. To me, it’s more about what to do with yourself if the girl your with doesn’t need your help, and maybe a question of why she would like someone like you, but again it’s something you acclimate to.

@everephebe: The one who extends the invitation should expect to pay – whether male or female.

•••••

I agree with what @Bellatrix said. I was with men who were intimidated by my education being more advanced than theirs and one resented (yet took advantage of the fact) that I was earning more than he did. But that was purely their own insecurities in thinking that I was “out of their league”, and that somebody “better” would come along and I’d be gone. That pissed me off, because it meant they had no faith in my feelings for them.

Another factor (which is hopefully fading as society evolves) is based on the traditional masculine role of being the strong one, the provider, and dominant force within the family unit. This sense of being the ‘alpha’ is what I think makes some men homophobic, as well—the idea of being “someone’s bitch”—whether male or female—again plays into insecurities. And the more “macho”, or paternalistic, a culture these men are from, the greater a problem they have with this concept; as many have never had to deal with the concept of being the “inferior” or the “minority” figure in any aspect of society.

A person who knows and is confident in who they are and where they are in life can handle being with a person who has perhaps gone further in one area or another of their life.

•••••

It’s not totally relevant to this question, but as I wrote my comment, I recalled a first-born Irish-American guy I knew who was appalled when the court system unfairly showed inequality toward him as the father in a custodial situation. I said, “Welcome to the real world, blue-eyed golden child.” The idea of not being given preference was foreign to him.

In the case of divorce custody in the USA, men have NEVER been given preference. Arguably US marriage laws and divorce courts exist ONLY for the benefit of women.

@JaneraSolomon Not always. My neice just lost custody of her baby to the father.

I meant “never been given preference in the aggregate.” Of course there are individual cases that swing in the father’s favor, but not often, and it usually requires proof that the mother is suicidal, drug addicted, alcoholic, or otherwise incompetent.

Only weak or ignorant men are.

Most women (even today) who classify themselves as strong and independent still want the guy to initiate the relationship and pursue them from my own experience, and from their own comments. Also many self-described ‘alpha-females’ still prefer a guy to be more ‘alpha’ then they are such as in preferring a stronger, more aggressive alpha-male to have a relationship with. Another thing here is that society, thanks to social gender constructs, throws a massive burden of guilt on a guy if the woman initiated the relationship.

Google almost any dating advice and self-help blogs and you will find that 95% to 98% of these repeatedly reinforce the idea that it is the guy’s responsibility to initiate and pursue the woman. Most dating coaches and books also reinforce this ideology as well. I’m not saying that many men feel bad when a woman initiates a date or relationship because of biological wiring. I do think that men are more likely to feel emasculated due to social pressures on them to go out, be a man and grab that woman by the arm like the hunter that they should be.

I’m not saying that I agree with this and I don’t feel that it is fair to hold men to such rigid standards, especially considering that many men have variable personalities as well. Unfortunately most of everything I’ve said is still the sad truth, even in the second decade of the 21st century. I think that the dating paradigm is very gradually changing but the old ways and their champions are still doing everything in their power to keep these changes from occuring. In fact I actually had my accounts eliminated on several different dating blogs for disagreeing with many dating ‘experts’ on this very issue despite keeping it civil.