How do you transition acquaintances to become your friend?

Coffee shops are the perfect “hang out” environments, can you invite someone along, “I’m on my way to Cafe Yummy, wanna come along?” It’s casual, but will give you a chance to talk, or ask if the person knows of a coffe shop you might like… Good luck!

I don’t like coffee lol. But don’t you think it’s kinda odd to ask someone you don’t talk to all that much “Hey! I’m going to grab some coffee, want to come?” I don’t see them all the time but on Facebook yeah.

Do not worry about breaking into cliques or interrupting other friendships. Just jump in.

For example, the girl who has joined your gym. Say hi to her. The in the course of casual chat, say something like “I need a pair of shoes to match a new dress I just bought. Would you want to go shopping with me?” (Or “I need a dress for this thing I’ve been invited to.” you get the idea.

I personally don’t think it’s odd, but then I’m pretty outgoing and always willing to ask. BTW, most coffeehouses will have many other things as well. No one is ever offended when you want to spend time with them, I don’t think it’s weird when someone asks me to join them for coffee. Or, to take the gym thing a step farther, how about buying her a juice if there’s a juice bar? Or, (back to the coffeehouse idea that I can’t seem to move away from ;-) ) after your workout, after you’ve cleaned up, tell her you enjoy her company and ask her to join you for…not coffee. Be brave! Be bold! Take the leap!

Well, I don’t see her at the gym. I just found out she joined my gym. So I was just thinking of asking her to meet up with me Thursday because she said she’d need help with her “beer belly” haha. She doesn’t have one but she isn’t familiar to the gym.

Sounds like a good idea.

i think it’s funny to me how it seems harder to make a female friend…if you think about it, it’s sort of like dating lol

Look at it this way, it doesn’t matter if you look great, you don’t have to worry about kissing, and you’ve already got a common point…the gym. You can do this.

How did you guys make friends?

Well, I just strike up a conversation with people where ever, when ever. It’s always been easy for me, I’m very lucky to be so outgoing. But really, for one example, I made friends with a woman about 10 years ago by walking up to her in the shoe department and asking her where she got her boots. We talked, we segued into coffee, we’re still friends. It’s not always so easy, but find some common ground. Are these girls from your Asian community the ones you want to be friends with? You could talk to them about cultural things you have in common, whether you have grandparents from the old country and how they act, what kind of school situations you found yourselves in, whatever. I grew up in an East Coast predominantly Jewish community, and was an oddity because I wasn’t Jewish, but we could talk about that as well. Just take a chance, be pleasant and smiley (but not creepy) and talk. That’s where it all starts, after all. Whether it’s shoes, or a restaurant you haven’t tried but might like to ask about it, do they know about it? Have they been? Did they like it? just talk.

Well, I mean you say to talk but what if u don’t see them often? For example, on Facebook we comment quite often on each other’s statuses/photos. Ran into her at the bar with her boyfriend and she wanted to buy me a shot but she was drunk and she forgot…but then messaged me the next day about it about how we didn’t get to do it lol. I think I’m going to start off with trying to befriend her and see where it goes.

Good luck, have fun, remember, having friends is supposed to be fun and start on FB if you have to, suggesting you get together. You’ll do fine.

I am in the position right now of having to make a lot of new friends while keeping the old. (As the song says, “one is silver and the other gold.”) Luckily, I finally have a fair bit of confidence in myself. When I meet a woman I would like to know better and feel I have clicked with her in a casual setting one or two times, I have no problem asking if she would like to meet for lunch or dinner and talk more. Nobody has turned me down.

If they’re pretty much only your FB friend, then write to her and say “next time you’re in my neighborhood pm me and we can meet for coffee/breakfast/lunch/dinner/drink” or say “I love that store such and such in your neighborhood. Next time I’m going shopping there, I’ll let you know and we can shop together” or “next time I“m going shopping there I’ll pm you and we can meet up after.”

I don’t make friends easily either. Usually I have to punch someone. Or have someone else punch someone. Met one of my best friends in 8th grade. I was walking down the hall with my sister on our first day. (We started the year at another school and then we moved.) I saw him standing at his locker and I turned to my sister and said “Hey, Morgan. Punch that fat kid.” And she did, and he hated me for the rest of the day, but the next day we became friends somehow.

Although, I find with girls it’s better to start an argument than punch them or have them punched. Most girls prefer arguing over physical pain.

I have a theory that some people don’t make friends with their same sex. They mostly only get along with someone of the opposite sex. I’m not sure why, but for whatever reason, they don’t get along with the same sex.

I think it can be difficult to make ‘friends’ rather than acquaintances. I agree with you. We want to develop deeper friendships but people get busy, we are too shy to ask and then we miss making connections with people we think would make great friends. I do think though that one (friends) can grow from the other (acquaintances) and then you need to make sure you keep up the momentum.

I agree with suggestions about asking people if they fancy going for a coffee or shopping or even to see a film if you both express interest in one. Don’t feel like “she will think I’m weird”. She may be wishing she had more friends and is also too shy to ask. She can always say, “Oh I would love to but I’m busy” and then you can throw the ball in her court with “Well let me know if you have some free time and would like to catch up. Here is my mobile number” and if she really was busy she can call you and if she was making excuses, she can just not call. Someone has to make the move though and if you think you two have a connection, why not you?

If you do go for coffee and it goes well, don’t leave it as “we must do this again”. We tend to get tied up and “again” never happens. Instead say something like “Hey, I enjoyed this. Do you want to catch up next week? I’m free on xxx”.

I hope it works out and I should take my own advice :-)

I sometimes wonder the same thing. I have a lot of acquaintances that I’ve met on the bus and train on my way to/from work, and chat with almost daily. But since everyone is on their way to somewhere under such circumstances, inviting someone to stop for coffee is usually out.

It’s not planned. It happens or it doesn’t.

@MollyMcGuire : With all due respect, with a little effort, it can happen. It’s not a lightening strike.

I wonder about that myself. It seems that most good friendships in my life have been an accident of chemistry. But I’ve discovered one can’t rely on that forever. Most of my friends have moved and I need to get out there and meet people, too. @Bellatrix has given some good advice for doing that, although I’d like to add that if someone thinks you’re weird for asking them to hang out (their loss), they’ll simply say no. Then you can move on to someone who’s more open.

@JilltheTooth In my life I don’t recall ever trying to become a friend to someone; with all due respect, for some of us I guess it is a lightning strike.