Is there a polite, non-awkward way to clarify if an outing is a date or not?

Why does that matter? If you both are having a good time and building a better friendship, that’s all that matters. Why put a label on it??

No. Just go and enjoy. Offer to pay either for your half of the movie or, if he pays, then you pay for ice cream or whatever later. Let the conversation tell you what you need to know.
If he spends more than 10 minutes texting someone else instead of talking to you, you’ll have your answer.

I asked because I don’t want to date and if I did, I certainly don’t want to date someone who broke up with his girlfriend a couple days ago. It’s not about labeling, it’s about actions. For example, a friend wouldn’t try and kiss me at the end of the night but a guy on a date might. I also haven’t been on a date in 3½ years. I wasn’t particularly good at it when I was doing it on a somewhat regular basis for me, that was about 5 dates in 2 months, the last of which resulted in a relationship and now I am out of practice which means I am going to be even worse at it. This is why I want to know if there is a good way to ask. I am socially awkward at the best of times, but when it comes to any sort of romance or dating, I flop around like a fish on the dock.

Ask him. I saw on your Facebook page that you were in a relationship. Are you still?

@marinelife: I don’t think we’re friends on facebook.

I was in a relationship until August. I’m not ready to date. I’m sure a lot of people think I am, but I am not.

OK. Say: “Just checking., This is just a movie with friends, right?”

I agree with @LuckyGuy I think his intentions will be self evident soon enough. Just go with the flow, pay your own way and wait and see if he tries to put his arm around you or rubs your leg during the movie. lol

Do you like him at all, or would you like him at all, romantically?

I asked him. It’s not.

I was going to tell you it wasn’t. Not because I knew, but because I thought that was the best strategy. It would make you more comfortable.

Now I’m going to go an blow it. It doesn’t matter whether it is a date or not. Anything could happen. If he likes you and you guys hit it off, it could turn into a date. Whether you are ready or not.

This labeling thing you are doing has to do with your own psychological comfort, and not with reality. In reality, you could call it a date, and it might not be. You could say it isn’t a date, and it might be. Nothing of what you think in advance truly matters once your are at the movie. You always make it up as you go along. You just feel better not thinking about it being a date, but that’s just a distinction without a difference in your head. The truth is that no one, not even you, knows what the future will bring, no matter what you think your intentions are.

Intentions matter a little, but not all that much, in life. I prefer not to have intentions or expectations, but to open myself to the moment and being in the moment. I’ve always been this way, because I hate being disappointed.

So go. See a movie. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you can be present with your companion and not in your head wondering about all kinds of extraneous things. You’ll have more fun that way.

@wundayatta: Interestingly enough, I won’t have fun if I’m trying to fight off his advances, whereas I would have had plenty of fun if I just stayed home and played video games instead. He says it’s not a date and I told him I’m not into the whole dating thing right now. Believe it or not, but that can affect enjoyment. Then again, I’m not one of those people to just do what I want right now without regard for how it’s going to affect others. I’ve been on the other end of those kinds of people and, believe me, they had a grand ole time and I was left reeling and broken. :D

So…do tell… How did you ask without it being awkward?

@KatawaGrey I hope there are no “advances” for your sake. I have to wonder what kind of guys you have been voting if “dating” means “advances” to you. Sounds hideous to me. Makes me glad I never dated.

(I am listening in here.)

It’s always a date. Even if it’s with your husband of 30 years. Even if it’s just with your best friend. A date is an appointment. Nothing to get flustered over.

Whatever happens during that appointment.. las vegas.

@marinelife is onto something. Ask, “Who else is going?” as if you naturally expect this to be “an evening with a group of friends”. When (if) he says, “No one, it’s just you and me,” he may actually clarify his intent by adding, “I’m asking you on a date, silly!” or he may act surprised, as in “Why would you expect others to join us?”

If he just says “No one else, just you and me,” then you have the opening to ask / clarify “This isn’t a ‘date’, is it? I like you as a friend, and I’ll go on that basis, but I don’t want to start dating.”

Keep in mind that even if he nominally agrees, he may take this as a sort of quixotic challenge now.

It might be best of all if you suggest others who should also attend, or simply invite another friend without even mentioning it to him. If he gets upset at that, then you have your answer, and you’ve nipped his intent right at the stem. (And if he gets angry and leaves in a huff, you and your friend can choose your own movie, your own seats, etc.)

@CWOTUS Asking who else is going is a great idea. But inviting another friend without even mentioning it to him seems a bit underhanded and rude. I would never do that no matter which side of the phone call/text/email invitation I was on.

I’m trying to imagine it from the guys point of view. If I’m planning to make advances, I’d want her to warn me in advance so I don’t get us both into an uncomfortable situation. I think paying for your own ticket is a must, but I’m not sure its enough.

I agree with the sentiment that it’s always a date, whether either of you intends it or not. I don’t see that as a bad thing, but I can certainly understand wanting not to need to ward off hands and lips.

Rummaging through all my past relationships for clues that were put out there to make it clear that I wasn’t getting any, I think wearing sweats is probably the clearest. Yeah that. And leave the razor on the shelf.

Ask him how things are going with his young lady, see what he says – or doesn’t say.

It’s really hard to say without being able to read his mind. But it sure smells to me like he just broke up with someone and wants to get into another relationship ASAP on the rebound.

I’d say to go and have fun, but keep your guard up and be ready with the “I just want to be friends” talk if he starts acting all date-ish…

@wundayatta: When I say “advances” I don’t mean that I think he’ll start humping me in the movie theater. I mean things like trying to hold my hand or as previously mentioned trying to kiss me.

@LuckyGuy: As you said, there is no non-awkward way to ask. I simply said, “There is no non-awkward way to ask this, so I’m just gonna ask it. Is this meant to be a date?” I figured by acknowledging that I know it could be an awkward question, I would forestall a great amount of awkwardness, and I did. :)

@6rant6: Thank you for understanding why I want to know ahead of time rather than just “let things run there course” or what have you.

For those of you who are saying it’s a date no matter what, come on, you know what I mean. Yes, setting an appointment is a “date” no matter who it is with or what the occasion is, but it is quite obvious that I mean “romantic date” and not just “appointment.”

Also, he gave me more details. It is a group of his friends who are seeing a movie for free because one of them works at the movie theater and he has an extra ticket.

Perfect! In your case, going in a group with free tickets is the best of all worlds. Enjoy!