Can you swear without swearing?
So in an effort to become a better person I have begun the process of trying to eliminate all swear words from my vocabulary. This is also partially because my 1 year old son has begun mocking me. So I’ve decided that a middle ground to this end of all swear words is to swear without using swear words but rather than using words my grandmother used to say like crud or poop, I’d prefer to use ones that actually sound more like the real thing. I find this still helps to alleviate frustration, like a real swear word does. For example instead of saying “what the hell”, say “what-a-ell” or instead of saying “Get the hell out of here”, say “Get the hey outta here”. Thanks for the help and my 1 year old’s future vocabulary thanks you.
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The old Orbitz gum commercials have some nice replacements.
My personal favorite is, “French You! Toast!”.
A good old Cheese and Rice, in place of Jesus Christ works out pretty well too.
@Kardamom stole my answer dagnabit.
Crepes!
Cheese and Crackers!
Son of a batch file! (for the computer literate)
Son of a gun
Shawshank Redemption
Scratch!
Curses!
“You copulating male offspring of an unwed female dog!”
Son of a Bicklesbee and Manechewitz are both swears used by people in my family
EDIT: At age 2, my son started watching the movie A Christmas Story. He was oftern heard saying “Racking fracking” over and over again. It’s a great movie to watch to gain swear alternatives like Oh Fudge!.
Make up your own and use words that will further enrich your son’s vocabulary.
Galloping gallstones.
Merciful marzipan.
It’s not a hippopotamus; it’s irrelevant.
My alluvial asteroid.
Dang nabbit
Jeepers Christopher
Frack!
Gosh darn!
“So in an effort to become a better person I have begun the process of trying to eliminate all swear words from my vocabulary.”
I don’t understand how this makes you a better person. Neither does Stephen Fry.
holy mother of fuck, cockmongering pissmidget.
PS, my home was relatively swear-free growing up. But my mom had a way of making minced oaths terrifying.
You motherhugging, butt kissing, frenched up monkey you
Crap
darn you
what the…
You freaken cow
heck
holy hell
what the hell
jerk
Good ole Charley Brown’s “Rats!” is very satisfying to me. Doesn’t offend anybody, and has a good mouth feel.
”...in an effort to become a better person… I… try… to eliminate all swear words from my vocabulary…”
“Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”
Mark Twain, a Biography
“The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.”
Private and Public Morals speech, 1906
“My swearing doesn’t mean any more to me than your sermons do to you.”
comment made to Rev. Joe Twichell, quoted in Mark Twain and Hawaii, by Walter Francis Frear
More of Mark Twain’s thoughts on profanity here.
Turn “damn” into “dang,” ‘shit’ into shoot, stuff like that. An expletive (a G-rated one) is really needed now and again. Don’t say anything you don’t want your son to say. People who cuss like mad, then smack their kids for cussing are hypocrites.
I’m trying hard to remove “epithets” of all kinds. They don’t fool anyone, in the first place. Aside from that, it’s the “upset” that’s the problem. I’m trying to learn to roll with the punches and not have to react in explosive ways (even if muffled).
I’m doing this because I’ve been living with my elderly uncle for the past couple of months and I can see what I’ll be like if I don’t stop that nonsense now. I don’t want to be “cranky old man sitting on the porch and swearing at the world as it goes by”, even if I don’t use literal “swear words”. Having seen it now up close and personal for two straight months I know what I don’t want to be doing in (or for) the next 30 years or so.
Wow, this is funny. Last night I just made a promise to quit using swear words too. It’s amazing how many times you use fuck without realising. There are some great suggestions here.
Oh, fish!
What a pig that person is.
Owwwww!!!!!
Blast it to pieces.
F’n A.
I grew up on a street that had mormons down the street. They used to say “bunk” as a swear word.
My Mom used to say “Ssshhhhh” instead.
Some people at work really try to be sensitive to other people by saying things like Crimeny.
I was told by a therapist years ago to just let the language fly to make myself feel better.
If I get called on the carpet for it at work, that’s my defense.
Son of a biscuit eater!
Motherfudger!
Dagnabbit!
Golldarnit!
Fudgecicles!
And for insults, these are from my father-in-law:
Buckethead!
Deflectorhead!
Bill Murray used “Mother Pus Bucket!” on Ghostbusters, lol.
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