Do you think there should be an obligation or an expectation to merge monetary accounts in a long term relationship?

Not at all. We haven’t done so and don’t plan on it. We do have a new savings we created to which we both contribute.

No, in fact I don’t recommend it at all. Separate accounts but discuss up front how you will be splitting the bills.

For young and naive couples who have visions of forever’n’ever… perhaps the assumption, trust and expectation is there. But if I do marriage again, nope, not ever again will I merge finances. Share, sure… but not a full merge.

Like so many things, I see no cookie cutter solutions. Whatever works for the particular couple and their circumstances.

My ex and I had separate accounts all through the marriage, with a joint account for the house bills.

What @janbb said. Nothing should be made mandatory though.

Joint accounts are a bad idea if one person in the couple has a spending problem. Let’s just leave it at that.

No. Especially in middle age. No way would I turn over my assets to a communal gig at this time of life. In my marriage we did have joint accounts and my ex cleaned them out during the divorce. It took me FIVE years to regain my financial footing. Hell NO! Live & learn.

There is certainly no obligation or expectation.
It is a good thing to have your own space in many ways and this included latitude financially.
Make certain you have discussions around it to ensure that there is no confussion or assumptions.
Finances are the number one issue that couples will go through. Make sure you each understand this and each others financial responsibilities. Every relationship and financial situation is unigue of its own. Get a handle on this before it becomes a point of contention.

However, be open and honest about it.

If you’re starting out together young and both have nothing, then sure…why not. Merge baby merge. My wife and I did this.

But if you’re older, with your assets, it’s probably a good idea to keep it seperate – IMHO.

To me, this is like having only one bedroom and the door is always locked. Share the wealth!

If you are married or living together, it’s one set of money for two people.

But, what do I know. I have only been married for 46 years.

@cprevite Wise words indeed. I agree, thing is, when relationships hit the rocks you can NEVER presume to really KNOW what another might do. It never crossed my mind to behave in a duplicitious manner, and lo and behold, when push came to shove, my ex showed his true colors. It was a NIGHTMARE! We never really know anyone, except ourselves.

The love of money IS the root of all evil. lol

No. I’ve always found it a lot smoother going for each person to have their own accounts. It’s not hard to split bills, take turns treating and it lends privacy for personal and gift purchases.

We know how much money comes into the accounts, we follow a budget where each contributes set amounts and the rest is our own or to share. This worked well with my first marriage and subsequent live-ins.

No. We each have our own bank accounts.

What Zenvolo said seems like the best solution for married couples, i.e. seperate accounts with one joint account for shared bills. Seems practical and it preserves each person’s independence.

There might be an expectation, but no obligation. Rumor has it that couples who don’t discuss their finances and come to agreement usually split. I would be open to joint bills/house/home-keeping accounts, but I’d want a separate depository for my income, and one for his with both contributing to the joint account.

I believe in Full Merge. Anything less is hedging your bet that you two are together forever.
I’m just an All In kind of person.

This would depend on the individuals involved. I believe a successful, i.e. long lasting, relationship would require full merge.

Personally, I would never merge my accounts with someone. As a self-employed individual I have to be careful with my money and I know even when there’s times it looks like I’m rolling in cash, I rarely am. It always has a place to go for the business or this or that. I would freak out if someone had access to any of it. Its all I’ve got and even a few missteps with a few hundred dollars sometimes can start messing up my ability to make a living further into the year if I miss a registration/payment deadline for a convention.

My ex and my family rarely understood this every time they wanted to borrow large sums of money from me, or asked me to pay for more then I should contribute because I can afford it. I’m not THAT stingy with money either. I pay for things for everyone all the time, but I do that knowing all the silly interworkings of my business and personal expenses.

I’m not opposed to having a joint account for mutual bills and savings. But always maintaining separate accounts for personal use.

When my first husband and I lived together before we got married, we kept separate accounts. When we got married, we put it all in one pot. With my current husband, we merged our checking accounts, but I had a fairly large amount (divorce settlement) in a savings account, and that stayed in my name only.

I think it is ridiculous to “split the bills” with a spouse. We aren’t roommates. I’ve found a main joint account for family-related things plus separate accounts for individual spending to work best for us.