How often should I intervene when my toddler daughter is on the playground?

17 months is a little young to just turn her loose. At that age I was taking my kids down the slide on my lap, and pushing them in the swings and helping them learn to grab monkey bars and swing. I never thought about it, but I guess I was always within about 10 feet of them when they were that young. I was interacting with them.

If it’s making other people uncomfortable, and they’re afraid of their rambunctious kids smacking in to the baby then yeah. I’d say you need to be more on top of her.

This is a little off of your subject, but kind of the same: I used to play competitive co-ed volley ball…a spiked or a served ball can hit 30 mph and I just HATED it when people would park their infants, in their car seats, on the floor in front of the bleachers, not far out of the court boundary lines. It just ruined the game for me. Same for those moms probably….they came to relax and let their kids run, but suddenly they’re feeling stressed and responsible for this baby out there on the playground.

As long as you’re close enough (and alert enough) to swoop in at a moments notice (and it sounds like you are), then I see no problem.

I think independence and self reliance are lost skills amongst many children. Far too much coddling going on – and frankly, I don’t think you can start too young.

It sounds to me like she’s doing just fine and you’re a good mom.

We treated my daughter similarly. Now she’s nine and very capable.

My daughter goes down the slides by herself, but I help her climb up the slide. We do play on the swings and monkey bars, and when she is down on the ground, I am never more than a few feet away. She is always free to come run to me and I always watching.

The kids I see parents yelling at are NOT being too rambunctious. They don’t run very fast and they aren’t very big. I think the kids are pretty well behaved around my daughter and their parents are getting nervous over a small thing. Maybe I should be more considerate of their feelings, but I really don’t think she’s in danger.

I think when she’s a month or two OLDER, we might start having some trouble. Once she can really climb around, but she’s still too young to take turns and follow directions, she may frustrate the other kids or get frustrated herself. Right now, she just trails behind the other kids. She’s too slow and stuck to the ground to get into real trouble.

it sounds like you’re doing it right. Don’t bow to peer pressure, and you’re daughter will learn she does not have to either.

I think you’re doing a great job. Don’t let those butthead moms get you down. You’re teaching your daughter to be social and independent. Sometimes the older kids are a bit mean to my 3 year old, and I have no problem telling them that she’s younger and is trying to be their friend/play with them/whatever. They usually get it and play with her or avoid her which is also fine. As long as your daughter is having fun and isn’t in danger of being hurt, who cares?

@redfeather Her child is 17 months, not 3 years. She’s a toddler. I think I would hate it if my older kids were running around at top speed on a playground and there was a toddler among them. I’d be afraid that one of them would knock the bejesus out of the baby, send her flying, on accident. It would make me nervous. I think she IS in danger of getting hurt.

@Dutchess_III yeah, I read it. I’ve been taking my daughter to the playground since she could walk. If there are young ones out there I tell my little girl to watch out for them and she does.

I think you are doing just fine. There is no doubt in my mind that you are keeping a very close eye on your daughter and if anything was to happen you would be there in a flash. I tended to let my boys run around freely, tried not to hover too much, and we never had any disasters. If you are concerned about the other moms on the playground you can kindly and gently assure then that your daughter is fine and that you are keeping a close eye on her. Letting her have this kind of independence will build her confidence.

As am aside, as my boys got older I always told them to be extra careful when there was a younger child around, but I never judged the moms who let gave their kids a little more space.

If you had a boy, would you be hovering so much? Just curious.

My feeling is that it’s ok for kids to get banged a bit. Especially at this age, they are very resilient. There is not a lot that can happen on the ground.

I think the real problem is the social pressure. The other parents (Moms?) don’t want anyone to get angry with them if their kid hurts “the baby.” They are anticipating some bad exchange where you blame them, and they are laying the “blame the victim” groundwork. Your kid shouldn’t have been there. You should have known better.

I suppose you could preemptively tell folks that you are aware of the danger and that you will not be screaming at anyone if an accident should occur. But really, that doesn’t seem realistic.

So it comes down to your tolerance for pressure. If you can’t stand the way other parents are behaving, then go away. If you can, stick it out. There is no reason I see that requires you to take her away for safety. This is an acceptable risk. If she gets hurt, it won’t be badly, most likely.

The real issue here is the behavior of the other parents. It has nothing to do with the relative safety of your child, and everything to do with people’s fears about social interactions. If you can tolerate that, stick around. If you don’t like the looks other parents give you, leave.

@redfeather Well, sure you do but not all parents are that conscientious. The baby isn’t that steady on her feet to begin with. I’d be worried about her getting thrown into the bars of a swing or hitting other pieces of equipment if she were to get knocked off her feet at high speed by older children. But, that’s just me.

@wundayatta Who are you asking? I don’t think I hover over my toddler—if I were doing that, parents would be more happy with me. Considering that she’s only 17 months old, I think she needs SOME hovering.

Your post does make me wonder though. If I dressed her up like a boy, would parents be more comfortable? I don’t dress her too much like a girl, but I do put her hair back in a ponytail. I think I’m going to let her hair go wild and dress her in some of her more masculine looking clothes.

I think you do have a point about the parents worrying that I will go off on them if something happens. But.. I sometimes get annoyed hanging out with large groups of toddlers and their parents, because many of them really do get in there and constantly intervene between the kids. I remember once at story time some grandma yanking a toy away from my daughter because her grandson was playing with the toy first. I think the kids could have played with the puzzle together. The grandson didn’t seem to care that my daughter was touching the toy at the same time he was.

I get frustrated because I love my daughter dearly. I play and interact with her all the time. But when we go out to play, and there are other kids around, I think this is her opportunity to learn to socialize with them on kid terms.

@Dutchess_III In all of the playgrounds we play on, the swings are FAR away from the other pieces of equipment. We actually play a lot on indoor playgrounds where running “at top speed” is frowned upon so the kids aren’t going so fast. And when we are outside, the kids are in thick coats and can’t really get around so fast. They aren’t running very fast. I take her away when there are kids actually old enough to get momentum and really run around.

She DOES get knocked down now and then. She’s always been fine. Sometimes she will get fed up with it and come sit on my lap, but for the most part, she doesn’t care. I don’t even think she notices when she gets knocked down that someone has done it to her.

You sound like you are doing a great job as a first mother. Keep on doing what you are doing. You daughter may be a little younger than the other kids, but that is okay. You are there to protect her.

The other mothers have forgotten that their children were once the age and size of your daughter, right?

You are on the right track, mom. Just keep on keeping on.

You are the best student of your child. Trust your instincts mama. I’m proud of you for seeing your daughters strengths and raising a strong confidant independent woman. To many kids are way to coddled. Its refreshing to see a mom not afraid to give their child the breathing room to grow and learn.

@Dutchess_III exactly. That’s just you. Everyone raises their children differently and in this situation I don’t feel there’s a right or wrong answer. She’s there watching her child and while accidents do happen, it’s not a good argument to keep her child off the playground and from having fun.

Sounds like you’re doing just fine, sweetie. Let her have fun! I would always let my daughters toddle around the playgrounds with other kids, and there weren’t any serious accidents. Sure, they might get knocked down sometimes, but they just stood back up, and kept on going. They are independent, lovely kiddos who know I’m still there if they need help.

Moms aren’t supposed to put their kids in a bubble, they’re supposed to teach them how to get up after being knocked down. =0)

I am a big believer in giving children lots of un-hovering exploration. Supervised yes, hovering, no.
As long as you are careful I think you are building her confidence and independence. Better a few falls and scrapes or the risk of being knocked down than a child that is too afraid to leave mamas side. From what you describe your toddler is already showing signs of having an unafraid, assertive, flexible and extroverted, curious personality.

I think that’s a good thing.
Parents that are too over protective set their kids up for all sorts of neurotic fear and anxiety IMO.
I wouldn’t toss her in a bounce house with a bunch of preschoolers, but, freedom on a public playground is, well…it’s a playground, let her play, her way!

Yeah..I’d have to actually see the situation to have any real opinion. She’s far away from the swings…that’s very good. Far away from teeter-totters and stuff…that’s good.

@Coloma, once she climbed into a bounce house full of preschoolers when she was very tiny. I took her to the outside part of the house with the bouncy ramp so she could play on the “safe” part of it. Lots of other moms with kids her age were doing the same thing. In a split second she scrambled inside the house right to the middle of it. THAT was scary. I went in after her. She was laughing her head off. Luckily, even the preschoolers were a bit spooked. They got as far away from her as possible. Now I won’t take her near the bounce house at all.

@Dutchess_III Our playgrounds are those lame new ones. No teeter totters or merry-go-rounds. Just those climbing things that kind of look like giant hamster tubes from afar. They also have ground up tires around the bottom, which I think also slows the kids down so they can’t run fast.

We are lucky, we have a toddler playground separate from the preschoolers. The little ones can actually knock each other down without hurting, and they learn to be careful that way. I try to only interfere when they are actually pushing or hitting on purpose.

Just the other day, my youngest (now 2 l/2) accidentally got knocked half way across the playground like a rag doll. He jumped up and ran back like nothing happened.

”....look like giant hamster tubes from afar”—LOL! OK, now that I have the picture in my mind it sounds OK. Why the other parents say something, I don’t know.

Lame playgrounds…What is wrong with this world? Them kids ain’t never gonna learn the value of being careful, are they? I am being serious. It’s like our society wants to protect the kids from any kind of consequences at all….until they’re an adult and then it’s BAM!! Surprise!!!