Social Question

Carly's avatar

Would you be more in favor of a young 20-something couple getting married before or after they both finished college?

Asked by Carly (4555points) February 14th, 2012

For those of you who don’t care one way or the other, that’s fine, but what about the rest of you who have opinions?

I have several friends who got married before they graduated and they all got divorced. Most of the couples I know who waited, even only a month after graduating, are still together. I have another friend who just got engaged and I don’t even think she’s 20 yet. I’m not going to say anything to her about it, because it’s her decision, but am I in the minority for people who think it’s probably better to wait until you’ve finished school life before getting hitched?

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19 Answers

Dog's avatar

Waiting till after is much better in my opinion. As you achieve your academic goals you mature and change as a person. It is only then, after all the stress of getting through college is done, that you can relax and become who you truly are.

Also college is a survival time in your life. You are close to your comrades as you all work toward your futures. Once the common struggle is gone often times even great friends part ways or do not hang out as much.

FutureMemory's avatar

All other things being equal, I would say it’s better to wait til after you have finished school before getting married.

I agree with you.

deni's avatar

After simply because it gives you more time, and at such a young age you haven’t really had much time to make sure you really wanna be with the person forever.

Carly's avatar

Of course, I guess it really depends on the person/couple, but I get a lot of shit from young people my age for preferring to wait. All of a sudden they think I don’t believe in their strong love for each other, but that’s not it at all…

poisonedantidote's avatar

I don’t think it really matters, so long as the marriage does not get in the way of the education and vice versa it should be fine. It can’t be that hard to do, if they are 20 something they will be finishing within a year or two anyway. Just don’t bring kids in to the equation or make any big marriage related decisions like taking out a mortgage and it should be fine.

However, statistically it is probably only going to cause problems at some point or another, but you could also say that about many other things. Collage requires a lot of effort, so anything else you take on can’t demand too much effort. Be it marriage, being a movie star while studying, starting a business, raising a kid, or anything else demanding.

blueiiznh's avatar

seriously it is a personal case by case thing. Too many things to take into account for a simple answer.
What are their career plans, plans for children, lifestyles, place of residence, yadda, yadda, yadda

I say that time has no element in matters of the heart.

“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.”
~Erich Fromm

Sunny2's avatar

I think after is better. I think it helps to wait even longer after that. But the urgency of youth being what they are, it may be impossible to wait. If you grow together instead of apart during your twenties, it may last forever. Time will tell. (I hate that cliche. Forgive me)

cookieman's avatar

After.

What? College isn’t stressful enough?! You want to toss in marriage too?!?!

Wait. Get a career off the ground. Get yer ducks in a row first.

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t see how anyone can advise getting married at 19 or 20. I am not saying it never works out, but most likely it won’t. I am assuming we are talking about an average 20 year old in western society, since you say they plan on getting college degrees.

ETpro's avatar

Twenty something is relatively young to be making a lifetime committment. Now I realize that lots of coiples say “Till death do us part” and renege on that oath in relatively short order. But divorce doesn’t end connection. You are connected for life, like it or not. If children become involved, that’s makes the bond that much stronger.

I’d say if the two of you are sure you want to spend the rest of your lives together, then go for it. Chances are you can set up a tiny apartment that will actually cost you less for housing than two separate dorm rooms./ And having a constant study partner available can be good as well.

Whatever you decide, best of luck in your education and in the relationship.

YARNLADY's avatar

I think they would be able to concentrate on their studies better if they wait, but if they are living together anyway, there is no difference.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Undoubtedly after!

MollyMcGuire's avatar

Marry when you have been together for at least four years, both of you have finished your educations, and both of you have good jobs.

lemming's avatar

I think getting married is the last thing you should do in haste.

redfeather's avatar

I think waiting till after is best. One of my friends got engaged right after graduating from high school then went to school, graduated from college and finally got married. Seems to be working out from 8 months of super lovey posts from both of them on Facebook.

serenade's avatar

Depends. I recently met a young Mormon couple who just married. They’ve known each other maybe a year and neither has finished college, but I’m sure they’ll do fine, since they have a lot of support from their family and structure via their faith. I think both of them were marriage-minded before they met, too, so no doubt that helps.

john65pennington's avatar

It all depends on the people involved. In college, being engaged is fine. Waiting till graduation should be the answer, IF both can postpone their marriage till then.

Sometimes, the bite of Cupid is too strong and we all know the truly bad results.

Wait, wait, wait.

lonelydragon's avatar

Waiting til after is best. College and a new marriage are stressful events on their own, much less taken together.

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