[NSFW] Question about insecurity during your childhood's sexual development. [Details inside].

I thought I was asexual for a long time when I was a teen, I was afraid of sex for a while, and I was afraid that my wang was a weird color, of all things. Oh, and I was really ashamed of being a “late bloomer” before I got my v-card swiped.

Oh, man. We were talking about gender roles in my high school psychology class. There was some chat from the students and bringing up experiences and such, so I felt a bit brave. I put up my hand.. the teacher called on me and I said, ‘I often have dreams that I am a guy, a male… does anyone else dream they are the opposite sex?’ crickets…... I was horrified.

@cazzie that’s really common. I haven’t experienced it myself, but it’s still really common. I feel like a lot of people in your class were probably bullshitting when they didn’t raise their hands.

thanks, @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard . that made me feel a bit better, but I know now I am a closet lesbian, so I have come to terms with it. (kind of sort of kidding)

No. Except for a brief moment in time when some guys in the locker room had pubic hair, and I did not, no. Then I did. And that was that.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard They do tend to be strange shades, wangs that is.

I thought I was asexual for a while too, only because I was afraid to have sex. I’m a baby, and afraid of pain, and why I thought it would hurt so much I have no idea. So I just shut it out of my mind. Luckily then I got a boyfriend, had sex, loved it, and became normal. Hallelujah!!!!!

Oh, quite a bit. Nothing that was overly negative, but there were a number of things. The main one of course, was shockingly enough my homosexuality. Homosexuality wasn’t even mentioned in sex ed (and I wasn’t raised in a homophobic area even). I would have loved to have been told that it was okay that I was attracted to other boys at school, but instead I felt like something was wrong (no one ever told me it was, that was just me) and that it was either going to change soon or I was going to have to try and make it change. It wasn’t until later that I started to realize there was nothing wrong with me.

And of course there was the whole deal with being a late-bloomer. Here I was 15 and I still sounded like a girl and hadn’t…“developed” much. Again, not a big deal, it just took me a lot longer to catch up to the other guys.

I also remember just not understanding some of the mechanics of sex (as a late bloomer I didn’t masturbate for the first time until I was 14 and in high school) and so I didn’t understand how you’d avoid peeing during sexual intercourse (I didn’t get the whole “switch” that occurs). That was a minor one, but I definitely remember not getting it.

@deni that’s partially why I thought I was asexual as well.

I’m still not sure if kissing a girl means that I am a lesbian…

@MilkyWay it doesn’t.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Really? Okay then :)

Growing up on a farm teaches you about the birds and the bees pretty quick.

@rebbel : I’ve been in therapy for 25 years, and sex has been a big part of it. I hardly know how to answer this question. Nothing was easy for me. I have seen my parents hold hands once in my entire life. I’ve never seen them kiss or use affectionate words with each other. In my house growing up, sex was an utterly taboo subject.

I developed an inguinal hernia at a young age and was horribly ashamed of it, thinking I’d caused it by touching myself in the wrong way. It’s only very recently that I’ve found out they are quite common among boys.

I knew I was different from other boys in my sexual feelings from a young age, too, and in the familial and religious environment around me, that was worse than anything imaginable. Homosexuals were unlovable by other people and irredeemable in God’s eyes, so I heard.

Needless to say, I have a lot of sexual baggage. Hell, it’s not baggage. I have a fucking freight train full of psychological shit to dig through. Nothing about my upbringing was normal. Nothing about my views of myself was normal.

There are times I’m at peace with it. Other times, I get angry at carrying such a fucked up load of crap.

@MilkyWay.. I’ve kissed a girl. Several times. And I am very much not a lesbian. Haha.

@AshLeigh It’s cool to know I’m not the only one, lol!
I’m feeling much less confused now :)

Haha. @MilkyWay I was confused for a little while too. But then I saw an attractive guy and I was like “Pffffffft. Who needs girls?”

^Lol! Way ta say it sistah!

I learned too much too young and it made me too knowledgeable. Not knowing better, I told what I knew and got a horrible reputation as a slut when I still had my v-card. I find that I still know more than many of the suburban ladies around here, but I’m smart enough now to keep my mouth clammed shut!

Nope. I had 3 older brothers that had a load of pornographic magazines with pictures and stories. Before I found them I really had no concept of what sexuality was. I mean I knew I liked guys but kissing was all I hoped for and figured that out pretty quick. I guess since being a girl and not waking up with a woody, I just didn’t think about it until I read my brothers magazine. They left nothing to the imagination.

Because I was sexually abused from a very young age, I was a very sexual being too early for my own good. When I became sexually active on my own terms, I was probably a little too confident about it, and used it as a kind of power trip.

My (female) friend and I explored each others bodies once and I was really worried afterwards that it would cause me to never start my period! Not sure where that fear came from though. When I did start my period and got over that little fear, I started to realise that I was, at least, bisexual (although I didn’t know the word for it) or gay. I was very worried about this for a long time until out of nowhere, I accepted it. Now I am happy to say that I am bisexual and I wouldn’t change that about myself.