Are you still open to new friendships? My husband said he isn't that interested anymore.

I often don’t actively look for new friends but I am frequently finding them. In the past two years, I have probably made about eight new good friends, some from online sources and some from real life. Recently, I have been in a place in my life where I have to look for new friends and new activities as well as keeping up with the old ones.

Yes, I feel the same these days. I’m a natural extrovert and have always made friends easily, but, the last few years the pool has shrunk and I am on the fence with befriending new people at this time. Relationships take a lot of effort and in many ways I am content with the few friends I do associate with. I agree, it’s just not that important to me these days, and I really enjoy my own company. I’m open but I am not actively seeking friends or dates. I’m content. :-)

I’d add that really, from what I have discovered as a person of many interests myself is that the vast majority of people are so consumed with the mundane details of their lives and family/relationship issues. I am always up for interesting discussions and truthfully, most people bore the crap out of me. They never seem to able to elevate themselves above their petty egoic concerns. My 24 yr. old daughter and one male friend are my greatest source of lively discussion. After the basic catch up we move on to more global discussions.

I have really reached a place where I can hardly stand to listen to peoples hum drum daily laments. lol

I think as people get older and more settled into their lives, they are less willing to seek out new friends. They’re comfortable and safe in their spheres, so they don’t need new friends or want to put in the effort to get to know/deal with new people. I can see that in the people around me, can understand their reasons, but I’m not like that.

I can’t imagine not meeting new people—to me new people represent new learning and growing opportunities. My mind’s always looking for new ways to grow, different ways to look at things and ways to understand as much as I can—new people provide that. Not one life in the history of the world, today or in the future is exactly the same, not one story’s the same… and I like stories. Their real stories not humdrum laments (XD @coloma)

I’d be disturbed if my partner wasn’t interested in reaching out to other people. Do you think it’s some kind of a jealousy thing…whereas if he says he’s not interested and you say you are, he can then be mad at you or something? I’m in an open marriage as you know so obviously I can have more than just friendships with others but even if I wasn’t in an open marriage, there is no way I’d expect myself or my partner to either drop friends from the past or not make new ones. Couples that do this…I don’t get it.

I still want to make friends and am making them. I also like similar interests. I like good people even if they are different from me.

@linguaphile I agree, I’m not talking about peoples stories being hum drum, I’m talking about a few people I know that only talk about cleaning their houses and bitching about their kids, husbands, work, and nothing else! Bah!
That’s what I mean by “hum drum.” :-)

No, not really. I understand your husband. I mean, if I met someone (probably through a friend) I might chat with them – but I probably wouldn’t start hanging out with someone new. I have a few good friends from way way back – and that’s pretty much all I need.

Online, on Fluther in particular, it’s different. I don’t mind “striking up” new “friendships. It’s almost anonymous anyway.

The cop instinct is not to trust anyone and I have that instinct. In my youger years, I was willing to extend myself in making a lot of friends. I was burned so many times, that I just gave up. I really only have one male friend now, that I trust completely. I do have one female friend on Fluther and she know who she is. We discuss many situatins with each other and its good to receive a female friend’s point of view.

Now that I am older and retired, I still have my one male friend. I now find that attempting to discover new friends is really a hassle. So, I will just be content with what I have.

@Coloma Sorry I wasn’t clear. I was agreeing with you—I don’t like to listen to humdrum complaints about where to put cereal boxes and a 2 hour discussion about whether the sofa really matches the curtains, but real stories. XD

@john65pennington
I have been burnt too but occasionally I still meet people that are worthy of my time. I have met other people on line that have autistic family members. They understand me.
I still make friends on line and in person. I trust few people.
I think we can all learn from each other and sharing information is beneficial to us all.
I avoid users.
In my case after my son was diagnosed I discovered that my best friend and others couldn’t handle the cards I was dealt. I never before understood that I was the helpful one 99% of the time.
I understand that there are others who have valuable information. There are people who appreciate my knowledge. Sometimes I make friends this way in person and on line.

@linguaphile Exactly! Recently an aquaintance has spent, I am not exagerating, an entire MONTH obsessed with finding a new file cabinet. Are you kidding me! It’s ALL she has talked about. Good grief! lolol

@Coloma
Many people I know prefer Hum Drum despite that they insist otherwise.
My neighbor pretended to be my friend when we moved in. I never trusted her she is too pretentious.
As her friend from across the street said, she dislikes when anyone has something she does not.
She asked me numerous questions about my personnel life but never told me much. She asked about autism but clearly lacked the intelligence to comprehend what I explained.
Than she poisoned a tree partly on her property and mine. In attempt to force me to remove it without city approval.
When my Tree guy canceled she advised us to use her friends and split the cost. She tried to raise the price and rip us off. We wouldn’t pay more.
I have not spoken to her since. People like her make me never want to waste time speaking with strangers again.
She hates me because I work out, read books and don’t wish to emulate anyone. She only likes people who think she is clever. There are not many such people. I understand your feelings.
LOL.

In my experience the bond of friendship is strongest and closest when formed in adolescence. I have friends from that time with whom I share 50 years of memories. That can’t be recreated at my time of life.

@philosopher LOL..what a piece of work!
I hear ya, I let go of a sorta nearby neighbor/“friend” last year too, she was the most passive aggressive manipulative personality, all under the self proclaimed “nice” person ruse. Her email incorporated her favorite pretense of being an angel….Gah…yeah a dark angel. lolol

@Coloma
I can’t say in the Forum what I think of people who preach and pretend to be angels. LOL.
I like candid people who are exactly what they pretend to be.
I say hi to everyone and try to be civil.
I avoid people of any religion who go to their places of Worship and think that God only sees what they do their.
If God exist he, she, it sees us everywhere.
I treat people exactly how they treat me.

I’d kill to have even one friend.
Not literally. And not someone who would be my friend, obviously.

Always open to new friends. My husband and I are too insular. Would love to have more friends to go and do things with (together or alone). Most of my good friends don’t live close by.

@Bellatrix
I have become close with people on line that live far away.
I have spoken with some.
I have a friend up state New York but I live down state.
I have a friend in Toronto.

I avoid most people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want friendship. It’s just how I naturally seem to be as far as I can figure out, but I’m open to friendships if it feels right and just kinda happens, I guess.

Being an introvert, I don’t actively look for new friendships, but would be open to the opportunity if it came along.