Can you tell when a woman is carefully posing and posturing to underscore how attractive she is (or thinks she is)

Well, I could tell Angelina Jolie was at the Oscars.

Yes, very often I can pick it and usually fairly easily. I don’t want to say men in general are gullible (I don’t believe all are), but I have often been amazed at how often I have witnessed men not realising they are being manipulated.

I think there is a difference between a little flirting and using your sexuality to gain favours or influence a situation. The first, hey go for it. The second… feels wrong to me.

@Bellatrix that’s really the gist of my question. How can so many men fall for it SO easily? I’ve never really flirted…but I have experimented a few times, like looking down and raising my eyes slowly and I was floored at how quick the reaction was—and I was totally faking it! I had absolutely no interest in the guy!

Sometimes I’m tricked, and sometimes I’m not. Then, sometimes I’m tricked and play along to see what her motives are, and sometimes I notice but don’t respond because it just looks obvious and bad.

I hear you @Dutchess_III. I can be pretty flirty at times, but I don’t manipulate people. I really don’t like it when I see women doing that. I think it is demeaning to them but it also demeans the guy they are leading on. Sort of like saying “you are so dumb if I flutter my eyelashes at you, flash some cleavage, give you a bit of attention and flatter you, you will fall over and do anything I ask”. I just don’t like that sort of behaviour (even if some guys do fall for it!)

Yes, but I only notice it when I am already attracted to a woman, and paying attention.

Sometimes, when I am thinking about it, I slowly look around the room to gauge body language. I can sometimes tell which women are attracted to me by the way their body’s are orientated, and which ones could care less about my presence.

I really like looking at women so have developed these skills.

And there’s the other side of the coin @Bellatrix…you’re laughing, having a good time, being perfectly natural…and someone “accuses” you of “flirting,” either your spouse or some guy who hit on you that you turned down.

Nods! Or the guy who thinks flirting is slowly looking you up and down and taking in every detail… and it just feels ewwww.

Yeah! And they honestly think you’re just going to fall to the floor in awe and longing. Thing is….those are the same guys who would fall to the floor if you looked them up and down like that, even if you had a disgusted look on your face.

I think you can tell from the little pause, perhaps ever so slight, that goes with the purposeful pose. You hold it hoping someone will notice. That kind of self consciousness is pretty easy to spot. How one responds to it depends on the observer.

I see actresses do it all the time. You know they know exactly how to look best, certain placement of the hand and ways they cross their legs, whatever really. I also see people do it on Facebook photos sometimes, but thats pretty rare. You have to really, really, really, care. And I try to eliminate the people who care that much. lol

Absolutely I can tell. Like when she plays with her hair or inhales while smoothing her shirt over her stomach or when she puts her shoulders back for better posture.
I like it because it shows she cares what I think.

By the way for a classic example of posing look at every picture of Paula Dean She has the identical face in every picture. It’s the miracle of Photoshop.

Oh, and most pictures of Paris Hilton carefully posed to avoid the lazy eye.

Yeah, I find it really annoying and it usually makes me roll my eyes and become even more dismissive and laconic than usual. Obviously, this isn’t healthy, but we all have problems eh.

Sometimes it works as intended, when I’m drunk though.

A lot of women do this shit without thinking about it too. They learn it from films and adverts I think.

Sometimes it’s painfully obvious when women are trying to be sexy….and I do mean painfully obvious

@YoKoolAid Those pictures hurt my god damn soul.

Sure I can tell. But the great woman is the one who does not pose and posture and is still compelling. There aren’t that many by the way. But that is the type that gets attention. Certainly from me.

@The_Idler I don’t think they learn it from films and adverts as much as they figure out from an early age…13 or so…that doing a certain thing, innocently, gets a certain reaction from males, not so innocent. Women have been practicing their “wiles” for as long as men and women have been on earth. I think that films and advertisements, though, have made the girls MUCH less subtle today. It’s like, blatant, in your face. And some men STILL go for it.

Hey, don’t paint all men with the same brush. I can read the posturing instantly and it doesn’t do anything for me. Be yourself, that’ll get to me in a hurry. Make subtle eye contact a few times, then I’ll let you approach me.
@Blackberry I think those pictures may have given me ED.

@Adirondackwannabe I think those pictures stopped my blood flow entirely.

@Blackberry LMAO

Hey @Adirondackwannabe Note that I said “Many” men! I’ve been on Fluther for a while. I noes how to edit! But… so MANY men just…fall. At the first hint, even if it’s broadcast to the world. Daisy Fuentes comes to mind…when she was on AFV. She just set my teeth on edge. She couldn’t go half a minute without laughing which would somehow cause her push her head forward and cause her butt to stick out at the same time…and men fell left and right.

I know exactly what you mean. I always wonder how a man can let himself be lead around by his dick that way. Crude, but that’s how I see it.

Many women be laughing, @Adirondackwannabe.

marinelife Are you aware of this twitter craziness with 30,000 followers? That what we’re talking about! But she was so thin! Angie needs to put on some weight, but she is still gorgeous to me. I don’t know what she was trying to prove. It was so obvious and so unlike her. I think she was just enjouying her Versace dress!

Adirondackwannabe I love the sentiment but I can’t help but notice the phrase “Make subtle eye contact a few times, then I’ll let you approach me.” You will let her approach you?? Oh my!!! Playing hard to get are we?

I can always appreciate flirty, vixenly (?) behavior when well done. It is the women who are not good at it that make it distasteful. Not good at it = too obvious.

Nobody beat me up please, but in my experience, women who get a great deal of male attention naturally have absolutely no skills trying to flirt. It comes off clumsy.

@Earthgirl Meant that exactly as I wrote it. I noticed I’ve never been successful trying to pick up a woman. I let them approach me on their own terms and they’re much more relaxed and comfortable. I like that.

imadethisupwithnoforethougt Interesting observation, I wish it could be tested….obviously they are gorgeous and do not need to perfect and enhance their man bait iwth fliriting, lol.

Adirondackwannabe Ha, ha! Sounds like a perfectly fine strategy then. Seriously, quiet confidence is way better than being obnoxiously overbearing anyday. Plus, that way you get to avoid trying out those awful pick up lines that never work!

I agree with you @Imadethisupwithnoforethought and your answer doesn’t surprise me. I have had a number of men tell me they find women who are unaware of their own ‘sexiness’ far more appealing than those who try to force the point. It makes sense to me.

@Earthgirl I cringe at those pickup lines when I hear guys using them. They’re horrid.

@Earthgirl I don’t know that women have to be gorgeous to be sexy. To me, sexiness is as much about being self-assured, confident (not pushy) and comfortable with your looks. Cool with being naked and getting your hair messed up sort of thing.

You know how some women look truly beautiful but sort of give off the impression if you took them to bed they would be worried about if their lipstick got smudged or their hair was messed up instead of just letting go and getting down and dirty? Then other women, may not be so beautiful but you get the impression they would just go wild in the bedroom? To me, sexiness is the latter option.

Bellatrix I couldn’t agree more. I guess in my book, that sexiness is what is gorgeous.

One of the nice things about being a rather ordinary looking guy is that it makes it easy to tell when a woman is trying to manipulate you. All she has to do is pay any attention to you at all. Flirtatious looks and all the rest are gravy. I mean, clearly she thinks she is going to get somewhere using these tricks, and of course she will. But she would anyway, so the tricks are an extra bonus. Extra attention that is unnecessary for her to get what she wants.

It doesn’t really feel like manipulation to me. She’s a good looking woman. I’m an ordinary guy. She will get what she wants. There’s really no choice in the matter. It’s a law of nature. Hell, I might even tease her and pretend not to be affected by her. If she gets worried, though, she’s a fool.

I don’t even think I’m a pushover or anything. It’s just that there are certain things in nature that can’t be changed or argued with. It really doesn’t matter what I think or feel. She will get what she wants whether there’s anything in it for me or not.

I don’t know if anyone can understand this. I have no control over the matter. I can be kicking and screaming inside that what I’m about to do is totally stupid and wrong, and it won’t matter. I’ll still do it. Certain things between some men and some women are inevitable. I hope. Maybe I’m the only guy who’s like this, but judging from the question, I’m not.

I’m tempted to think that women who question this and wonder at how stupid some men are are naive. We’re not stupid. We know exactly what is happening. We’re just grateful that we’re getting the extra attention—that the woman is stupid enough to think she needs to try in order to get what she wants. Really?...... Really?

Sometimes I think women want to deny the power of sex appeal because it’s politically incorrect. Like, the world somehow shouldn’t be that way. Everything should be equal between men and women, and we all make our choices based on full information and are all capable of exercising free will to make our choices.

That’s not the way it is, though, I don’t think. I think we have much less control that women would attribute to us. In fact, I think some of the violence towards women comes from the frustration we have with our programming. We can’t control our desires and our willingness to do whatever it takes to keep up hope about a possible relationship. This is not to say we can’t control ourselves in the sense that we couldn’t keep ourselves from being rapists.

But in other ways—looking up and down; whatever goes on inside our heads—that’s not controllable. It happens and we obey the imperatives of our programming. If you’re beautiful and sexy to us, then no matter how hopeless the cause is, we still have to try. Thank God you think you have to try, too! That is such a gift for a man who is not worthy. It is a bit unseemly to pretend you don’t know it.

Of course I know right away when a woman is flirting with me. I’m married now and not available, so on the rare occasion when (at my age) it still happens, I make it clear I’m not in the market. But back when I was, I was flattered that a woman would take interest in me. I never looked at it as being manipulated unless she tried to take it to that unwelcome level.

Wundayatta Wow! Thank you for explaining this whole dynamic as only you can. I am serious. I am not being sarcastic!

“I’m tempted to think that women who question this and wonder at how stupid some men are are naive. We’re not stupid. We know exactly what is happening. We’re just grateful that we’re getting the extra attention—that the woman is stupid enough to think she needs to try in order to get what she wants. Really?...... Really?”

That is very open of you. And I think a lot of men feel the same way, but they are too proud to admit it They would rather admit to being stupid, gullible or naive.

ETPro Now that you are not “in the market” anymore, isn’t it even more flattering? Or at least still flattering? Or do you see it as manipulative and distasteful?