We all have our private hells. What is yours?

It feels like all I do is for naught. That my life is damned to a series of nonstop tasks of Sisyphus. It also doesn’t help that I have this incapacity to forgive most people including myself, and I have done some pretty bad things, perhaps some, many, of you would call them evil. And then there are voices and nightmares…

Well if it’s talk of condemnation and whatnot, I suppose I am condemed to be alone, and the fact that the last couple months of high school were/are most likely my last chance at having a relationship with someone but no matter how much I hope that happens I know it never will, and even if it did it wouldn’t last long, and I would sink back into my dark, empty loneliness until I die. I guess that could be considered my hell.

Condemned to living!

Living in houses that are in the process of being renovated.

I feel like I can’t stop masturbating, can’t avoid meat and can’t avoid soda pop. No matter how hard I tell myself not to.

Retail and customer service positions.

An unrelenting love/hate relationship with life. Could be worse, eh.

It’s a little (well, maybe not so little) mental space that contains memories of all the stupid or hurtful or selfish things I’ve said. It’s like a theater that plays, in continuous loop, all of the footage from my life that I would have preferred end up on the cutting room floor. The title of the film would be something like, “Documentary Evidence for Why Thorninmud Should Have His License to Speak Revoked”.

It’s private.

Depression and unstability.

My health issues that have plagued me since my early 20’s. It has robbed my life in many ways. Makes me a different person than I know I am.

Right now my “private hell” is the damned shot the doctor gave me in my butt! Huge damned needle and felt like about a gallon of serum! I spent most of the day yesterday running a low grade fever and trying to get some rest. My ass STILL hurts! : ((

I am condemned to drive among those who have never learned to yield to passing traffic in the left lane.

Losing my place in the music and being unable to find it quickly, so I pretend to be singing and I feel panicky. I know I’m lucky that’s my private hell, when I read others’ true hells.

There are actual hells ( usually related in some way to health issues ), and there are imagined hells. Sometimes we can actually help think those imagined hells into existence simply by anticipating and imagining them in great detail.

A room filled with dragon flies.
Or being stuck with a man that has a hairy back.
I’d rather die. xD

@CaptainHarley I agree. Many times obsessing over what might happen causes much more pain and grief. Our minds create our hells.

I don’t really have one. My home life could be a lot more pleasant and peaceful, but it’s not hell. Not so far at least.

My own personal hell is trying to deal with endometriosis.

My other personal hell is desperately wanting another baby, and knowing I likely won’t have one.

I avoid personal hells of my own making. Luckily life hasn’t dealt me any that were beyond my control.

Having to deal with the mother of my kids, my ex wife.

Watching my loved ones, some of them, and friends getting sicker and expecting their eventual deaths. I guess it’s just me; if sickness and death are unavoidable I must be maladjusted or morbid to be reacting like this.

@CaptainHarley My eldest daughter lives in constant stress and anxiety over things that never happen. I keep trying to tell her that she is making herself miserable by doing this. I know she has an anxiety disorder and she is on medication for it, but I don’t know what else to do to help her.

@Skaggfacemutt

I know how that is. Someone close to me has the same problem. There’s really nothing which can be done, except make their environment as safe as possible and keep the conversation to “safe” topics. : ((

@rojo

I agree. If you’ve ever noticed how, when something beside the road attracts your attention, the car tends to move in that direction, then you can understand how focusing on something tends to draw you in that direction. It seems to be a law of nature or something.

I thought this was hell.

@tinyfaery

Oh, it IS! Just not a very severe one. : )

I gave up my hell for lent.

Just kidding.

I’ve been working on giving up my hells for a long time now. On good days, I have no idea where they are. Been a lot of good days, lately.

The crap that is television lineups.
The fact that the baseball season has not started yet…......The Red Sox have to get up out of the dirt and stay in it ALL year.
I have some challenges-but I’ve seen hell, and it’s not worth the trouble of going back and forth from it. The baggage fees are murder!

To live in a world/reality where I truly feel that genuine love is the only thing that truly matters and will make this whole experience worthwhile, yet continually be unable to find it…

I don’t have a private hell. The short gray days in winter on the 50th parallel north are a bit of a nuisance. But in June dawn lasts till 10:30 pm.

My private hell is that I had to give up a dream Master’s for one that I have zero respect for and said 25 years ago that I would NEVER get. I am almost done.

A company I worked for folded, and to keep food on the table, I moved and my new job required that Master’s. It was a choice between my principles and food for my kids in a crashed economy.