How do I stop being angry at someone?
I am working with someone in a film crew. I am director they are cinematographer. I am having a very hard time keeping my cool around them because of 1) their condensing expressions and tone of voice 2) their sense of entitlement towards the film’s script (while I do take their notes into consideration, they are offended when I don’t use all of their edits) 3) They keep giving me flack for every aspect of the film, though being director I am not directly responsible for what other crew members get done. Basically I’ve brought it up that their tone and attitude towards me is rude and they say that it’s all for the betterment of the film. What do I do?
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9 Answers
Have a meeting with them, set the ground rules. Tell them in no uncertain terms what you expect and will tolerate. Tell them the consequences of their attitude and follow through.
“These are your new replacements! Can you do me a favor by training them before i fire you?”.
4 words: Me boss. You not.
That said, don’t be mad at them, just accept that this is one of the difficulties in managing people and product.
First step. Ask yourself who controls your emotions? You or them? Yeah, they can make you angry, if you let them. You’re letting them push your buttons. If you get that straight, you take away a lot of their impact on you. Then it’s easier for you to respond to them. I like to be condescending to people that try that with me. Drives them frigging nuts.
Can’t fire them. But I think I will raise my tolerance level and try not to let them get to me, maybe my calmness with rub off on them. Thanks everyone!
This is why you should hire people with college degrees. People with a little bit more common sense (courses like Communications & Psychology help with that) Ok, even if they are college grads forget that. How about have a meeting and discuss the overall essence and direction one more time. Then you’ll be cookin’. Message me the film you are working on & where it will be! (Youtube? Vimeo? Festivals? Etc)
What says you have to stop being angry at them? As Francois Truffaut said: “I demand that a film express either the joy of making cinema or the agony of making cinema. I am not at all interested in anything in between.” Therefore, use this anger to the advantage of your directing, after all, you are the one in charge, and stay calm and firm in arranging your vision. I am unaware of the nature of your work, but look for some way anger and frustration coincides with it and make it fit, or channel it into a different aspect entirely. Just don’t let it fester, or it will overcome you.
Replace it with sympathy. Feel sorry for the fact they had to live their life as an asshole.
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