NSFW How do you define someone as 'Good in Bed'?

When they can distinguish the other partners needs and take care of them. It isn’t always the same.

I don’t really know how to judge women. It seems like it’s easier to judge men. As long as she doesn’t lay there like a dead person, I guess, lol.

When they make you feel really good however you define that; physically, emotionally or ideally an ineffable combination of both.

If she’s there, in bed, then it’s good.

Practice makes perfect, so a lot of practice.

I see a woman as “good in bed” when she’s “technically” proficient, is very responsive, and rather greedy. I see a man as “good in bed” when he’s “technically” proficient, focuses on his partner’s needs, and is very patient and willing to postpone his own pleasure.

Bad = Selfish Lover
Good = Unselfish tendencies, with the occasional selfish flare up

For me? I don’t need a woman to do somersaults, put her ankles behind her head or move like a prostitute (all of those things are more of a turnoff for me). Just being there (emotionally) and being active is awesome.

Spontaneous, loving, amish.

@ScurvyChamp amish?

^^ Maybe he means hamish (heymish)

or maybe mennonite?

@ScurvyChamp @janbb @gailcalled It’s always the quiet, sexually repressed ones that are crazy in bed!

This question has been asked before. For me, being comfortable enough to express what you want, try new things, and laugh!

There are a number of elements but common across all of them is balance. Aggressive but not too aggressive, not passive. Given and take, kink but not too much kink. Strength, endurance, agility but most of all an attentiveness to and interest in your partners pleasure. An knowledge of anatomy and how, titillate those places to build slowly to maximize pleasure and epic release/orgasm.

What makes him “good”? If he:
1. looks into my eyes
2. makes me laugh
3. makes my toes curl with desire
4. makes me sleepy with satisfaction
5. bites me

If I don’t nod off during the festivities, then she’s succeeded.

A man who isn’t selfish. There is nothing more hideous than a man satisfying his own needs and leaving it at that.

If she’s creative and fun and likes to play. If she’s adventurous and sensitive and has no hangups in addition to the ones I have. I.e., we need to match as far as what we won’t do.

It helps if she is very responsive—easily aroused by me.

It is really good if we communicate very well.

Someone who’s confident, enthusiastic, and willing to try new things.

Someone who gives a discount. Definitely. : )

I know how it feels to be with someone who is good in bed, but it’s hard to explain for me.
In my past I’ve been with some well-meaning gentlemen who must have studied a guide on ‘how to be good in bed’, but it all seemed too mechanical, almost rehearsed. No exhilaration.

I do have an analogy; when I am with someone who is good in bed, it’s like we’re two mountain climbers tethered together and their advances where furthers my ascent, and mine furthers theirs. Finally we’re both at the peak, and it’s incredible!

Total obedience and no limits.

@janbb Ok, I can pass on the Amish. But in that case they have to be really pretty!

Not sure, but this guy I’ve been sleeping with for the past week or so isn’t that attractive or interesting, but I keep coming back for more!! I really think it’s just knowledge of positions that work, especially ones I’m not used to.

@sliceswiththings You must see some long term potential in him if you’re sleeping with him. I hope your new relationship lasts! Good luck!

The young men have lots of energy. The older men have experience. Too bad we can’t combine the two!

@BeccaBoo I need to do more research before I can accurately answer this. Applications for research assistant are being accepted by PM. :-)

I don’t. I find that discussion horrible and offensive. I’m lucky in that I associate sex with love and have loved few. So I guess I define “good in bed” as a conversation that the most fortunate of us will never have.

The key ingredient for being good in bed, imho, is a delicate balance of being selfless and thinking of the other person(s) and being hungry and taking what you want….because sometimes they are one and the same thing.

I am actually pretty opinionated on this, so I have a lot to say. But I want to preface it by saying the most important thing, without which any amount of good technique means nothing, is the ability to make me feel “seen”. I need to feel like it is not just sex he is after, but experiencing “us” becoming“we”.

So yeah, the communication before and during makes him a good lover.
Looking in my eyes lingeringly is beautiful.
Being cued into my responses so that he can sometimes know without my saying it, he can sense, slower, faster, let’s change positions….(and of course, if I do say something, he pays attention and tries to please me.)
It’s funny because I like a lot of verbalizing but it has to be timed right. Talking at the wrong moment can be a real mood killer. Being too quiet can be a real mood killer. I like him to be bossy and take charge but I don’t want to feel like he’s using me just to get off and I am his personal sex slave.
Like choreplay said, it’s all about balance, but of course you don’t want the person to feel they are walking a tightrope! When you as a couple fit together well and are in sync with each other, things mostly work out, there may be some missteps and awkward moments, and there’s always the good times, the great times and the I could have lived without that times, but so it goes, that’s life and no great lover is great every time. Trying too hard to be is just asking for performance anxiety!

Being creative and playful is important. It means you never get bored with each other. It means that even if I have done something hundreds of times I may still be struck with an inspiration in the moment and say, hmmm, I wonder if I did it this way if he would like it, or I wonder if we tried this position it would feel good? But I hate too much emphasis on technique and overly crazy twist me up like a pretzel positions. I am not interested in variety for variety’s sake. Only to enhance or intensify the sensation. It has to flow naturally out of what is happening between us and our mood.

Lots of foreplay and withholding his orgasm until he satisfies me and not rushing the whole thing but savoring it is the sign of a great lover. I“m not saying he needs to wait until I orgasm every time, just sometimes! And if he does come first he should care about whether or not I want more! Hey if he doesn’t care then he’s not a great lover. I might say no, that’s ok, or I might be on the verge of coming and want him to continue. Lots of men won’t do that. When they come it’s all over.

This thought just came to me. The person who is good in bed is the person who is good outside of bed. Then they put their heart, soul and spirit into their lovemaking. They don’t have a mind/body disconnect. I know this is idealistic but it’s how I think.

@Earthgirl Nailed it. Good in bed and outside of bed is the key.