There are various different points in my life where I felt like I was working the hardest I have ever worked – I’m finding it hard to put one above the other…
1 – When my marriage failed (or rather, when we acknowledged this and decided together that it was not retrievable), and we still had a partly renovated house without any stairs to the upper floor amongst many other things, and then when my estranged husband subsequently broke both his hands in a skiing accident, it fell entirely to me to find the funds needed, finish the house (I cut and fitted every bannister for that set of stairs) get it on the market and get it sold. From the February of that year to Christmas Eve, when the house-sale finally completed, I worked the hardest I had ever worked. The sustained effort to deal with problem after problem that arose, each time thinking “NOW it’s sorted!” and each time having that dashed, made that year the hardest of my life without question. (Even on Christmas eve, with the house-sale completed and the new people moving in, a problem with the banks meant I didn’t get my share of the finances until the new year. Needless to say, my estranged husband’s finances went to him without a problem.)
2 – Some time after that, having moved away, I ended up working as a manager for a t-shirt printing company. (I had initially taken a seasonal position to help with their Christmas rush, had made a good impression and been kept on to become manager.) The hours I ended up working, doing un-challenging but interesting and very manual work, was quite something, looking back. I stopped to eat (sometimes) and to sleep. I felt the pressure of the job very keenly.
3 – This year, more than ever before, I am feeling the pressure of being self-employed. The idea is that I am doing something I love, getting paid handsomely for the hours I do work, and working fewer hours because of this. (I have no desire to become rich, just to be comfortable and able to carry on in the work I love.) The reality is that every hour I am “not working”, or more accurately, not earning, I am plowing into development, paperwork, preparation and promotion. The “free” time I gain from working fewer hours is taken up with worry, and I have no spare finances to make use of during that free time. I have just been ill this last week – confined to my bed for three days, and still very weak since – and the lost income is very worrying. There is no way to make that income back, it is just gone. And right now, so has my motivation. So yeah, this year, I feel like my work is the hardest it has ever been.