How should I resolve this problem with my boyfriend?

If you really like this guy then you should respect where he is financially. Does it matter if you spend time with him at a restaurant vs. his house? Shouldn’t the focus be on being together and not where you are together?

There are plenty of things you can do that are free, or nearly free. Be creative and surprise him.

He won’t be broke forever. You should give him a break.

I respect the fact that he has boundaries with regards to his finances and he’s sticking to them.

He’s just not that into you. He could spend time and effort to make you feel special, yet he doesn’t.
It’s up to you to decide how you want to deal with this.

You’re not wrong. Sounds like he does not appreciate what he has (you) by spending things on himself (blue ray are you kidding me??) or he does not understand money or women. He should want to spend his money on you, I think, if he cares, right?

Tell him it makes you feel like he doesn’t appreciate you. It’s not that you’re being a gold digger obviously and I think you explained it well here, it just hurts that he always spends his money on something else. It’s easy to come off sounding like the bad guy in this situation when you bring it up, but I think if he has a brain he’ll understand, maybe you just need to point it out to him. Is he spacey? Maybe he has no idea. It’s a possibility.

Stop trying to guess how he feels and keeping your feeling inside. Talk talk talk to each other. This is the very things that ruins good relationships sometimes. Guessing what the other is thinking and contriving what you want the other one to think you are thinking. Good grief, just talk to him….................HONESTLY!!

How about you both come up with ideas for “dates” that are free, or close to free. A picnic, museum, out to a bar and just have a coke, dollar theatre, a community event. I don’t know where you live, maybe there is not much to do where you live? Tell him how important it is to you to go out, but let him know you respect his financial situation. It might be very difficult for him, men tend to feel very badly when they are in a tight financial situation.

If money is that tight, don’t expect him to spend every spare dime. He is more likely holding it back for some future expense. After a period of having to conserve money, it gets harder to spend money “just because you have it”

Men (generally) hate not being able to buy things for their SO, and if you insist on “going out” you are reminding him of this inability.

If your true intent is to be with him, be with him at his place, or your place, and not at a “cost to go there” place. You don’t have to have a restaurant quality meal and service to spend time with each other.

@DrBill
Thank you for your answer.

I just wanted to point out though, that this is not about my need to go out and spend money. It’s about the fact that when he does have some spare cash, he never chooses to use it to do something nice with me. Instead, it’s always spent on something like a game. He definitely deserves to treat himself, but it hurts a little that in the last year, he never thought to use the opportunity to do something with me, outside of the house. I don’t think a couple can sit inside every time they spend time together. However, I think it’s a great idea to try to plan some outtings like a picnic, etc that @MollyMcGuire suggested.

If he doesn’t want to do free stuff with you, then it’ll be pretty obvious that he’s taking you for granted. If he does the free stuff, just not ever spending money, then he’s probably just broke (or a tightass with money, or both). There’s lots of stuff to do on college campuses that costs nothing like visiting the student art gallery, listening to a musical performance, watching a student play, going to a poetry reading, frisbee golf, volunteering at the SPCA, a club sports event, going to the gym and playing racket ball together, pointing and laughing at the bible-thumper-dude who calls everyone that walks by sinners and whores and tells them they’re going to hell, etc.

If he prioritizes you with his time and affection, then the money problem is probably as simple as a lack of funds. Think about how important it really is to you and don’t make it a bigger deal than it is. If it’s a big deal, that’s fine, but just don’t let it become a bigger deal than you want it to be. Don’t blow it up in your mind because of someone else’s expectation or relationship.

If he doesn’t prioritize you in with his time and attention and the only way you can quantify that is with the money he’s not spending on you, then that seems like a larger deal and you should address the fact that he doesn’t make you feel valued in his life.

If it’s not about the money, don’t make it about that. Money is complicated. It’s hard not having enough, you’re constantly reminded of it and generally people find escapes from that. He may be thinking a dinner out is an hour or two of fun for $30, while a video game or a movie provides better “bang for the buck” in terms of entertainment. He might even think you understand that.

Maybe tell him you want to go out in two weeks, to Swiss Chalet, you’ll be looking beautiful and will pick him up at 7. Tell him it’s a big deal. Ask him to pay. If he can’t get together $30 in two weeks, then it’s probably not a priority. Don’t wait for him to read your mind, or the hints you’re dropping, tell him what you want and most likely he’ll do all he can to make you happy.

In addition to all the other possibilities suggested, could it be possible that he’s just a homebody? After all, he is investing his free spending money on in-home activities like video games instead of, say, going out with the guys. It may be that he’ll never want to go out often, but if it’s important to you, then he should try to do it occasionally. I like @JLeslie‘s idea of free dates so that money won’t be an issue.

From reading your question, it seems the majority of time you are spending at his place, and once in a while, out for coffee? Other than the 5 times or so you’ve been out to Swiss Chalet, you hang out in his room? That would make me claustrophobic, honestly.

Is it possible he is depressed?

I’ve been in this situation before, or something similar.

1. husband yelled, furious, that I spent $.79 on a bag of candy. He smoked and drank yet I was the one overspending out budget?

2. when married, both of us working, me making the more money, HE said that since we didn’t have enough money for BOTH of us to go out, it should only be HIM because he works harder (I had a desk job)

3. a friend lost her home and job, so I invited her to move in for a while. She didn’t get unemployment right away so was unable to help with the bills.
Knowing she has issues spending too much money, I told her upfront that we would have ISSUES if she started shopping and not helping pay the bills. Yet she did just that – spent any money she received on herself instead of paying me back.

Based on my experience, he is using/taking advantage/doesn’t care to make the effort and take your feelings into consideration.Like @Paradox said, “a blue-ray, are you kidding me?” He is only thinking of himself. And why shouldn’t he? Yyou are taking care of paying all the time except for the occasional coffee.

You don’t need that!

If it were me, I probably would tire of this and move on, relationship wise. However, only you know how much you are willing to tolerate. This is something that only you can determine. Some people may feel differently than I do, some people might feel like if you love the person (and again, only you can determine this), you should sacrifice to the ends of the earth. I have been in relationships that were pretty one-sided, and I was the money earner and paid most things, and in order for us to go out, I was paying for both of us. I did it for years, and it got tiring, and thankless. I think in my case I was taken for granted. If I had to do it over, I wouldn’t. That’s just me. Like I said, others may feel differently.

The answer is don’t say anything at all and just save the money you have to treat yourself. Plain and simple guys just dont understand and truely dont give a hoot about going out to eat. My boyfriend is the same way, he would rather spend 600$ on a computer for World of Warcraft than buy me flowers. You can show that youre upset and talk about it as much as you want, things may change but not for long. If you dont love him then I would suggest to move on because it can really only get worse.

My first thought…when you’re broke, $15 can seem like a fortune. In that way, I agree that you don’t understand him. On the other side, he doesn’t find $15 too expensive when its for something HE wants. So, I can understand why you feel offended. At the same time, I don’t understand is why it is so important to you to go out. I would think that just being with him would be enough. Since you feel the need to go out & don’t mind paying for your own food, have you considered buying some cold cuts, bread, cheese, chips, & drinks & then making it a day at a local park. It used to be called a picnic & was how financially strapped couples had fun. You would be out of the house & also spending time together. Your half of a nice dinner wouldn’t be any more expensive than a day at the park.

As an outsider looking in, it seems you’re BOTH being selfish in your own way & need to learn how to compromise. His video games takes precedence over you & your being seen in public with him is more important that what he’s feeling. I’d love to give you the magic answer; but, I see this as so personal that only the two of you can work it out. A working relationship requires that the 2 people involved to be willing to want the other person to be happy.. When I was growing up they called it 50/50 proposition. In learning how to navigate my own relationships, I discovered it works best when BOTH are willing to give 100%. When either is not able to give 100% the other won’t be happy & the relationship is likely to fail. Also, when one is willing to give 110% the other tends to become selfish & the relationship is still likely to fail. So the 2 of you need to find your own balance!!!

When you get together tomorrow, don’t accuse him of anything. Instead say “this is what I’m feeling” & explain why you feel the way you do (without using the words “you did”). IF he accuses you of doing things that you don’t mean to make him feel that you’re doing, tell him that wasn’t your intention & ask him how he would have preferred that you handled it. Maybe through actually communicating you 2 could understand each other better & actually work toward a mutually agreed upon solution!!!

Relationships aren’t easy & become a series of give & takes. It all depends on how much you’re willing to give & how much you need to take. Good luck with your negotiations tomorrow!!!

@LadyMarissa It’s very nice of you to answer in such a thoughtful and well thought out manner. Unfortunately I want to point out that this question was asked in 2012 and I don’t think the person that asked has been around since then. You might check the date of the question before answering.

The OP is gone…definition of troll.