Domestic violence question. (see inside).

I’d interview their friends and family (if I could) to get a sense of what their history is. But I would probably arrest them both or arrest neither of them but work to get them separated if I could get to the bottom of it.

It is my experience that if you can get someone talking they’ll slip up somewhere if they are lying.

I would arrest them both. If it were a bar fight wouldn’t you arrest them both? If I were the judge I would court order them to not come within a certain distance of each other without a chaperone.

Who made the call?

arrest them both, let the court decide.

The man. Scratches are a defense wound.

Wow. I think I’m leaning “arrest them both” and find out what the hell is going on. Is there ever any excuse for hitting your spouse? This marriage (and possibly each individual in the relationship) and pretty messed up and probably should be ended.

The stats on domestic abuse are pretty clear – men are most likely to be the abusers (for obvious reasons). Sure, there are exceptions, but we know how dangerous of a situation this is in almost all cases (for the woman). Note: I know a man who had been physically abused for 11 years by his (ex)wife, but this is by far the exception.

Anyway, back to what the screwed-up situation. I’m just thinking out loud here, but what is the goal of arresting either of them? If it’s the man, won’t he just go back to beating the crap out of her and she’ll scratch him to defend herself? Who are these people? Are these people who had been abused all of their life and have determined that the way to deal with someone is to abuse them? Do people ever get arrested and then say, “hmmm…I guess I’m a complete piece of sh*t. I should go to therapy and figure out why I am so bad at being a f*cking human being. It is wrong to hit people, and if I can’t control myself, I should just kill myself”? I doubt it, but I could be wrong.

I like @SpatzieLover‘s response, but I would also question both actors about how the woman got the bloody nose. I wouldn’t automatically assume that she was punched, though that would be an obvious assumption that one could make – and often does make.

Since few cops answer DV calls singly any more (do they?) because of the huge danger from “the unrestrained one”, the first thing to do is for the responding cops to separate the combatants out of eyesight and earshot of each other and attempt to talk to them quietly about “what happened?”

But my gut would probably be telling me, as @SpatzieLover has inferred, that the woman was very likely “in the clutches” or fending off the man when she scratched him defensively. That’s also a “normal” presumption, though also not universal. It would take a major mistake in her story or a very compelling story from the man to convince me otherwise.

If there were small children present, then I would not want to “arrest both of them”, simple as that may be from the cops’ point of view, because then it also means that the kids have to be cared for by Social Services, and getting them involved is very often the death knell to a family that may be able to get by on their own most times. If both actors were drunk or on drugs, however, then it’s more likely that I would “arrest both” in order to get the kids a sober caretaker.

@SpatzieLover I would say the man has the “defensive” wounds; arms up to protect his face and/or fend her off.

@tom_g We arrest them for two reasons, possible criminal behavior, and because it forces a cooling off period.

I think @SpatzieLover makes a good point about the scratches, but we still would not know how the entire situation came to be. She could have been abusive first, then he reacted with a hit, and she scratched to defend herself. They both could be a mess. They are both a mess if they want to stay together.

@JLeslie: ”@tom_g We arrest them for two reasons, possible criminal behavior, and because it forces a cooling off period.”

Right. But I’m wondering what the goal is – or should be. Do we even want them to have a “cooling off period”? If a some f*cktard is capable of beating up his wife, I’m wondering if a “cooling off period” is nothing but a “refuel break”.

“Oh Judy…....!”

It may vary from state to state, but my opinion on it is:
Mutual domestic violence does not exist. The word mutual implies equality and a sense that the two parties are on common ground. In the case of domestic violence, there is no mutuality.

However, fighting is not the same as domestic violence. Domestic violence can, but doesn’t necessarily have to include physical violence. What differentiates domestic violence, or abuse, from fighting is that domestic violence involves an ongoing pattern of attempts by one person to control and dominate the other person. Many times this is emotional control and emotional abuse.

An separate interview of both parties hopefully will bring to light the truth. However, some states may require mandated action by Law Enforcement once the statement of Domestic Violence is brought up.

If there are 2 people in a fight, then I’d separate them for questioning. This initiates the investigation. ER reports, past arrests and charges, past incident witness reports, the list goes on. This particular incident may not have been witnessed, but if there is ongoing abuse coming from either spouse (& yes women have been known to abuse their male significant others), there are witnesses that have seen other incidents. There’s always evidence
Oh, and “cooling off periods” are useless, when domestic abuse is actually the senario. It always ends up happening again until the root problem is found and handled, and that’s not up to the police to handle. These 2 people are adults…I assume? There is a lot to say for court mandated counseling for domestic abuse situations. We’ll never get a law passed for both the abusers and abused parties, but it’s a thought.

Arrested both, since both have physical injuries.

Most of the time, men iniate domestic assaults, but this time was different. In court. the woman admitted that she scratched her husband on the arms first, after looking at his text messages from “silent creeper”, which was an old flame back in town.

@john65pennington Yes I would agree about the numbers associated with male perpetrators vs women. But, the scales are tipping from what I’m seeing in front of me, when I am asked to talk to abusers. It’s a little disconcerting. Are we just ignoring a problem that has been rising? Are men unable or unwilling to press charges, due to the disbelief that a women can cause harm to a man, even twice their size?

@john65pennington I was gong to log on and add (but you beat me to the punc) that if one makes accusations, they best be prepared to back them in court in front of a judge.
@annewilliams5 No men are not unable to press charges, but they are viewed very differently than when a woman does the same.

They both should be arrested.

There is no doubt about the difference in how a man can act, legally, upon his right to be safe. Society looks at the man who would rather talk it out, then raise a hand in defense, as a wimp. We see the woman, who defends herself, as being heroic. The numbers of women, who have to go through the justice system, completely catch me off guard. I know that most, who see me, are child abusers, but still the numbers are climbing for those who are spousal abusers. I’m glad the men are pressing charges. I guess my question is this:How long is it going to take before a man can walk into a police station and not be treated like a wimp?
@john65pennington Any input?

I know of a case very similar to this but the wife, who made the call to the police accusing her husband of domestic violence, had no visible injuries and the husband had scratches on his face and neck. Only the man was arrested. Not sure what happened after that though.