Why did God bench Tim Tebow for Peyton Manning?

God, as I understand it, is a soccer fan (or should I say “real football”?).

What the hell is “soccer”?

Even sycophants get tedious after so long.

God was rereading his own words and saw the passage about worshiping in the closet instead of on the street. “Oh yeah, I did say that…...sorry Tebow.”

He wants to see the Broncos reclaim glory of which they haven’t touched since the 90’s. Peyton Manning increases the chance of that happening with better performance throughout the game as opposed to waiting on a 4th Quarter miracle (personally, I wish they never got rid of Cutler).

Because even God knows Manning is the best quarterback of the last 20–30 years.

What did God have to do with it?

We’ll see as to who plays better, though. There’s no guarantee Manning can come back, nor that he can gel with the Broncos as he did with the Colts. Broncos tend to be a bit wilder than colts. Also older. Just going on the mascot, that is.

Tim Tebow was being whoring himself out to advertisers a bit too much. God has always preferred subtlety.

God to @cockswain:
“Gooooooaaaaallllllllll”

God has better things to do than decide where Tim Tebow plays football.

God bet on the Broncos last year and was pissed off at how much he lost.

I really wish I could get a glimpse of how Tebow’s mind rationalizes this one. Oh wait, he’ll probably tell the media about the Lord’s “test” for him soon enough.

With REM breaking up, God wants to reinstate Orange Crush.

hahhahahahhahhhahahahahahahhaha

I hope he becomes a Steeler. Teach Rapistberger some morals.

@cockswain Better yet, I just hope God kills Raplesberger… Preferably in some horrific manner.

@tedd Thats a bit harsh….he tried once a few summers back, remember the motorcycle accident? Man I miss living in Pburgh. That city is more affected by its sports teams even in the offseason I swear than anywhere else. Anyhow don’t be jealous of our six Lombardis, guys

@deni IMO rapists (let alone serial rapists) are virtually the lowest scum of the Earth. I would celebrate if that man died in a fiery car crash tonight (assuming no one else was hurt).

I’m not kidding.

@tedd Except that dumb women know they can get a ton of money out of accusing famous athletes of raping them. So don’t jump the gun too soon.

…..aaaaaaand the fun little question isn’t so fun anymore

Rape. Not a funny topic.

Football isn’t God’s favorite sport.
First off, he would probably dislike the whole “pigskin” element.
I think God is more of a Baseball kind of deity.

@deni Taking away the previous incidents, that were questionable…. If you heard the police report on the last one in that bar bathroom in Georgia or wherever…. Dude’s a flat out rapist. The detective/chief guy in charge basically said the only reason they couldn’t go forward with prosecuting him was because the victim refused to testify (see paid off).

Rothlesberger is a rapist, and I would celebrate his horrific death.

Perhaps God’s plans for Tebow are a bit more grandiose. The broncos are actually decent… what if Tebow took a horrible team to the superbowl?

You think Teblow will lead the Browns to a Superbowl? The Lord works in mysterious ways.

crap, I was going to make a joke but I can’t. I’ve been a Broncos fan for 25 years. Keeping Tebow or signing Manning are each a gamble. Either way it’s going to be an exciting year for us fans. I just hope Manning doesn’t turn into a Favre. :P

You know I’m a Packers fan. Why do you have to bring up Favre? Kind of a low blow. What did I do to you? Sheesh.

poking is fun ;)

if you want to read a story about the Packers and a bone poking out of a leg, read the story about my brother I posted on fb

I think God really blew it on this call. Indianapolis knew Peyton about as well as a front office can know an individual player. They thought his career was near its end. Denver had a real rising star in Tebow. I’m no fan of his public holier-than-thou antics, but I can recognize a gifted quarterback when I see one. Baring a debilitating injury, Tebow will be a top-notch quarterback for many years to come. But will he remain there at Denver warming the bench while Manning strokes his ego for a few more years? Time will tell.

God doesn’t care because RUGBY is the game that is played in heaven!

@ETpro You and I see eye to eye on politics generally, but clearly there is a gap in sports. “Gifted quarterback”? How are you drawing that conclusion? From his 47% pass completion record? How he likes to stand there in the pocket for a long time before throwing the ball, inevitably turning him into an “exciting” running back again? Perhaps his beautiful throwing mechanics?

I don’t know, @ETpro , I prefer my quarterbacks to be good at throwing the ball. Only a matter of time before some linebacker tunes him up on one of his runs and he’s out for weeks. I’ll grant that he seems to be an incredibly nice guy. But nice morals don’t throw lots of touchdowns. Peyton Manning does.

@cockswain Was Tom Brady or Peyton Manning great in their first year. Running wuarterbacks who are robust enough to take a hit and who can learn to throw at the NFL level—which a Heisman Trophy winner should certainly be able to do—are generally winning quarterbacks. And look how many games he found a way to win last year.

Sir, I reject your assertion that Heisman Trophy winners will throw at an NFL level. Perhaps you are not considering the likes of Troy Smith, Danny Wuerffel, Eric Crouch, and Jason White (to name some). Tim Tebow joins this list. Further, you should note the chest injury he suffered against the Pats in the playoffs during a run. That playing style, even for a fast son of a bitch like Vick, will only work for so long. Tebow is not as fast as Vick, and his only chance of survival is to run less like McNabb and Rapistberger eventually did. Even my boy Rodgers worries me terribly.

Finally, the notion that “he found a way to win” is not something I’m willing to give him credit for. If I went back and looked at the games they won, it would jog my memory better as to the specifics, and I know I can credit him with one or two of those wins. But in general the defense won the game by keeping the score fairly close for three quarters while Tebow was awful. And I would say Marion Barber gets way more credit for one of those Tebow “wins” than any Bronco did.

But I will grant that it is possible I’m wrong. I don’t admit this to often even be in the realm of possibility, but I will admit it here. The best recent example in my memory is Eli Manning. He sucked the first couple seasons, and I remember thinking around week 7 of his third season, “man, they need to give up on this guy and realize he isn’t Peyton Manning.” Then he turned a corner and won a Super Bowl that season. He’s been solid ever since. Will this be Tebow’s legacy? I wager not.

The current joke:

Q: Why did God bench Tim Tebow for Peyton Manning?

A: He needed the sacrifice of a virgin.

@cockswain Time will tell. It will be interesting to see how it all plays out.

Care to make it interesting? We’d have to define the parameters of “success”, but I’m willing.

@cockswain What would you say? Winning a superbowl? Winning 2? Winning the team’s division some percentage of the years played. Success could be defined many ways. But I think we all generally agree on what quarterbacks rise well above the norm.

Nah, not winning a Superbowl. By that standard, Phillip Rivers isn’t a success. I say starting at least 12 games a season for, say, 3 years with a steadily improving QB rating that ends up at least 82.

How does that sound? Plus it gives us something to live for.

OK. There’s a lot that the Passer Rating doesn’t consider, but fair enough. If it will keep me living now that I’m 68, let’s make it run for 30 years. :-)

I thought you were 90, so I figured I was helping you out. If you agree to the parameters, then what shall we bet? Perhaps starring in a youtube clip of the winner’s direction?

@cockswain That sounds like good clean (or maybe not so clean) fun. You’re on.

Very well. It is understood that the youtube clip will not be unreasonable, and as gentlemen we need not define it further than that. Any other suckas takers?