Is there a person/time/way to go about getting your grandmothers engagement ring for the purposes of getting engaged?

I don’t see how this is going to work out at all. He isn’t close to her and hasn’t been in several years. I would think the only way to go about this would be to talk to her caregiver, his uncle, and see what he thinks.
But, for what my two cents are worth, I really don’t know why he would want it. According to you, the ring is old and dated, so he would have to put it in a new setting. Then he is just using her diamond and I don’t see how that is romantic.

@chyna That was an argument I made to him actually… But his reasoning was something to the effect of her (the grandmother) being very representative of his childhood, and being the matriarch of the family… what better way to welcome his beau into the family than something so sentimental?

He should talk to both his father and uncle first and see how they feel about his approaching her directly. If she is willing to give it, she should set the conditions of the timing.

The grandmothers ring belongs to the grandmother. If she does not offer the ring, then I would leave it alone and go another direction.

Asking the grandmother, to me, would be in bad taste. What if the ring were lost or stolen, before the marriage? I would hate to be in that position.

I say, forget granny’s ring, and find a suitable ring at a pawn shop. The selection is really great right now, due to the bad economy.

You don’t. That’s just disgustingly greedy. A person offers their ring to who they want to have it. Someone who wants it doesn’t ask for it. And seriously, he “though it would be romantic” to have her ring, when he hasn’t been close to her since he was a child? Please. Sounds to me more like he “though it would be cheaper.”.

@MrItty I 100% stand up for him and say that the money is not at all the issue. In fact he wants to get it re-banded in platinum. And I haven’t been that close to my grandmother since I was a child, it doesn’t mean I don’t love her or that something like this wouldn’t be hugely sentimental/romantic. (lucky for my beau I don’t even want to get her a diamond at all :) .. lol

I pondered the thought too that his grandmother would/should offer it first… but how often does that happen? I’ve heard of people using their grandmothers rings before… how has it worked in the past? Does anyone know someone who used their grandmothers ring, and how they went about that?

If the tradition in his family is to pass on the ring of the elders, then he should just ask his dad politely how he should go about talking to his grandmother and/or her caretaker(s).

EDIT: I just outright told my mom I wanted her wedding ring. She wasn’t using hers any longer and she had offered it years earlier. At the time she offered it was more along the lines of “If you ever want to make a piece of jewelry out of Dad’s & my ring”. I now wear it as my wedding ring.

@tedd They didn’t go about it, or at least I don’t know of anyone who purposely tried to get the ring. In every case I’ve known the ring was offered as a gift either in person or in a will. It’s not something you ask for.

“Oh, hey grandma, you know that symbol of eternal love that grandpa gave you? Yeah, the one you’ve worn every day for the past several decades? Right, that last reminder you have of your lives together? Can I have it?”

@GladysMensch Well my assumption then is that that would place you in the after her passing group, if at all.

So assume his grandmother passes, and the ring is left to his uncle, or no mention is made of it in the will. What would be a proper way for him to inquire about it? His uncle definitely won’t be using it (married and in his 60’s, with no children). If his grandmother makes no mention of the ring in her will (like “bury me with it” or “give it to so and so..”) then is there a means of asking about it after her death that applies? (that’s why I would wonder about asking her prior to her passing, because then you would have for sure her wishes on the matter, as opposed to asking after the fact).

I don’t personally know anyone who used their grandmothers ring to get engaged, so I really don’t know.

And I don’t understand the lightly veiled anger I’m sensing from some of these posts. My buddy just had a legitimate question. You’d think he wanted to kill his grandmother and pawn her ring off.. jeez.

When she offers it to you, freely.

To me, it is something the grandmother would offer. If she didn’t offer it and she died, MAYBE he could ask the person that inherited it. It’s not something you would ask for. That would be like asking for a present. I agree it seems like he wants to do something cheap. Yes, he would want to get a new band or get it re-plated like you said, but that’s still cheaper than buying a whole new ring with new diamond from a jeweler.

If he wants to avoid family drama, the best bet is to buy his own ring from a jewelry store, or like @john65pennington said, a pawn shop. He may even get a good deal from Costco or a department store.

I think the anger you are sensing from the posts is from your wording – you asked how he would go about “using” the ring.” Rings don’t get “used” like borrowing a library book. This would be a gift he is seeking, as the new wife would not be giving it back.

I’m also wondering what his girlfriend thinks of the idea. She may have something else in mind as an engagement ring.

Old diamonds are great but the cuts are not as faceted as newer cuts that are done using computers. So the grandma’s ring may be lovely and cheap, but the girlfriend may not like it as much as she might like a new(er) one, and she might have some thoughts in mind as to cuts she likes.

I am interested to know what your friend will think of the posts and opinions stated above from all the Jellies. Please post an update.

JCA
The Update Lady

Just for the record we have been passing the same stone down for three generations. Yes, it is an old cut but that makes it special. The stone has been in different settings along the way but the thought of my grandmother wearing it 100 years ago still give me chills – in a nice way.
I hope to continue the tradition.

I need to hands down clarify this right now… my friend made 6 bills last year, and has a very positive job outlook. Money is no issue whatsoever. He could buy her a diamond the size of a baseball if that was what she wanted. It is purely sentimental. You’ll have to forgive me if my wording of his question made it appear to involve money in any way.

@LuckyGuy How did/does your family go about passing that ring down?

In my family it was real easy. My father’s mother died when he was 7 and his uncle kept it for him. My mother died when I was a teenager she gave her engagement ring to me and her wedding ring to my younger brother. My sons are not married and we are still alive so we’ll have to cross that bridge later. I hope much, much, later.

An engagement ring isn’t just about him and his past. It is about the couple and their future, their love. Whether his prospective fiancée feels the same way about his grandmother’s ring also needs to be considered here. I am not sure she will want a dated ring that he had to ask for and wasn’t willingly offered by his grandmother or that has been remodelled so it is no longer the ring his grandmother wore anyway!

I understand the sentimentality behind this wish, but really… if he wants to give his grandmother’s ring, she needs to give it of her own free will AND it should be kept in its original form. That’s my opinion anyway!

There is an engagement ring in my family that has been passed down since WWII. It’s not used as an engagement ring at this point, just a family heirloom. The story of the ring gets handed down with the ring. I suppose the recipient could use it as an engagement ring someday, it just hasn’t happened yet. Here’s the story behind the ring:

My grandmother’s cousin proposed to his girlfriend before going away to WWII. He was MIA and presumed dead during the war. His girlfriend gave the ring back to his mother because she did not feel right keeping it. She passed it down to her niece (my grandmother), my grandmother gave it to my mother, and then my mother gave it to me when I was 16. The setting has never been changed and I hope it never is.

For us, it’s just something that is done. I will pass it on to my daughter (if I have one) when she is 16 as well (as long as she’s ready for it). If I never have a daughter, I will have to decide who to pass it along to.

Personally, I’d never ask someone for their engagement ring and I’d never give my engagement ring away. If the person wants to pass something along to family, they will do it before they die or leave it to them in their will.